Happy Halloween!!!
ok.. so if you ever catch yourself living in stepford, and attending a halloween-themed bunco... it is entirely acceptable to dress as a cat.
Might I warn against sticking silver skull confetti in front of your front teeth and trying to pose all ganstah, though....
you'll just end up looking like a retarded bunny. (retarded bunny dressed like a cat, that is...)
Tomorrow is the walk.
before I go and walk my ass off, I want to take pause and give recognition to the SO MANY PEOPLE who helped me achieve my fundraising goal.
For whatever reasons you had to dig in and shell out... I thank you. you all are a huge reason why I'm doing this walk tomorrow. Cause you believe, too. plain and simple... cause you believe.
You're in good company.
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so my last post I bitched about my DVR and the networks and just spoke of TV in general.
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, that the VERY next morning, Rhena came down with a cold of some sorts, and was running a fever for 2 days straight. all she wanted was to lay in my bed and watch tv. (and when I say TV I mean the huge variety of three shows she deems acceptable to watch.) too bad I didn't have any of her 'shows' saved up in my room.
we muddled through, though.... and all was back to normal in our house by thursday.
oh, that is until the cable company decided to do 'improvements' in our area.
since yesterday morning, we have had no cable or internet connection.
ASK me how PLEASED I was that the ONE NIGHT of tv I look forward to the most was pretty much CANCELLED for me. and not just cancelled... more like a personal BITCH SLAP for complaining earlier in the week, because don't you KNOW my neighbors acrss the street have cable and internet?
well, I know this because 1- I CALLED my neighbor last night, ready to commiserate missing betty, office, and grey's... and she was pissed I was interrupting her shows. oh, and I know the neighbors across the street have internet, because I'm pirating their bandwidth (not bandWITH, daddy!) just to bitch on this post.
It seems silly to be pissed about missing a little tv, but c'mon... I REALLY look forward to those 3 shows each week... ESPECIALLY now since the writers of the office have finally gotten a clue and made the show an hour long!!!
I'm going to call the cable company when we finally get connected again, and ask that I get pro-rated a refund for the days of no service. seems only fair that the bitches buy me a coffee as some consolation. They should buy my neighbors a coffee, too, being that THEIR connection is probably slow as shit with me hacking into their wireless and all.... but I'll be happy with just the one for me and troy.
... but you know I'm not.
huh?
what in hell is she talking about now, you ask?
welll... it goes like this.
I'm a tv junkie. we know this. I watch so many primetime shows during the regular viewing season (ie.. not the summer suckity shit the networks give us... though I have to say, I'm really not impressed with some of the newer BIG AWESOME MUST-SEE shows lately... but I digress)
ANYWAYS.... between having multiple recording of higglytown heroes, mickey mouse and little einsteins on the main tv to satiate the beast that my daughter can become, and MY shows that apparently I'm just too fucking tired to stay up and watch, or... in cases like thursday nights, when I have 2 favorite shows on at the same time... my DVR fills up fast.
now, if I could watch some of my shows upstairs in my room (instead of the usual falling asleep to Troy's favorite.. the Military channel) where I would be much more comfortable... i could 'burn' through my show queue faster.
(side note.. for this very reason, we have a DVR in our bedroom, too, but that just means making sure TWO tvs are scheduled properly, especially when the networks jerk you around by having the shows run to 10:03pm, EVEN THOUGH THE GUIDE SAYS IT RUNS TIL 10:02.... THUS CAUSING YOU TO MISS THE EVER-FUCKING-IMPORTANT LAST MINUTE WHERE ALL THE SHIT FOR NEXT WEEK IS SET UP!!!! )(which, by the way-- I know, another side note--- is my personal thought that the networks are fucking with you for trying to have it all... and the run their shit staggered like that to force people into watching it real-time, or record the show AFTER the show you really want to watch, hoping to get some viewers hooked on the second show who really only just want that last minute of the first show)
bleh. it gets to be too much, and then I forget which show I watched where and what tv has what recorded.. it's enough to make an already frazzled mom scream.
so WHY can't there just be ONE mainframe for the house that any tv can record and/or retrieve from???
naturally, I proudly told troy my geek-a-licious idea, and he told me we COULD have that.. if only we (blah blah computer jargon blah blah blah) set up a hard drive (blah blah more techie shit blah blah) each tv had a wireless (blah blah I'm really glossing over now, couldn't you have just said "great idea honey" blah blah)
yeah. and I COULD have a great body and a clean home all the time, too.. but how practical is THAT????
I'm just talking ONE box.... and any tv that's plugged into your cable or satellite outlet can record or play from that one 'box'. no more drinking coffee to watch the shows downstairs so I don't fall asleep on the couch and fuck up my back!! I can watch them upstairs!!!
I could have breakfast in bed with rhena in our room while we knock back bowls of strawberry oatmeal and watch mickey mouse!!! and NOT worry that the episode where it's minnie's birthday isn't on that particular tv!!! cause you KNOW a girl's gotta have a little minnie's birthday now and then....
anyways... I'm stating my idea here on the web hoping that SOMEONE who can do all that wiring digital shit might hear me and understand my plight. I'd LIKE for this technology to be called DCO.. for Digital Carrie-Over. cause you know.. my name being Carrie and all... and I didn't think Cze-Johnson flowed very well.
hell.. it could even be called Digital Carry Over.. with the Y... I'd still know they were thinking of me.
Now... before you start ripping me a new one with your smarty-pants-selves.. I don't have ANY clue if this technology already exists. I know for DAMN sure it doesn't exist in MY house. I mean seriously.. didn't you just read how I'm too busy watching my shows???
I SUPPOSE the best answer would be for me just to pull the damn plug and read a book... that would pretty much solve my problems!!! but c'mon..... that's just not as much fun!
DCO, people. you heard it here first!
So I know it's been a while since I last checked in. all is going well, and the school year is in full swing. We had Rhena's birthday party last week, and everyone seemed to have a tropically good time at her luau.
CCD started again for me, and that also is going well. keeping me busy... but going well.
One of the coolest things about me teaching CCD this year, though, is NOT the actual teaching. No.. it's not even the students I have this year. Though I imagine they'll prove to be pretty rockin' 2nd graders... no... the coolest thing about me teaching this year is that I'm teaching in the same classroom that Rhena goes to preschool in. (yes, she attends preschool at our church)
SO every monday night, I get to peer into her world a little. I look at the crafts that are hanging on the boards and walls.... I see posted lesson plans.... and when it's quiet.. like after class is over and the students are gone and I'm cleaning the desks... well, I could swear I hear Rhena laughing from the week before.
but SPEAKING of laughing... I had to share this. Apparently, the kids had been reading about Clifford, and focusing on the color red. so there have been a lot of red projects that come home.. and I ooh and aah appropriately to Rhena as she displays her artwork to me each day.
So ONE project is still hanging up in their class. below you will see a group of clifford-heads... a small sampling of what was done by the students in her class. looks cute when all together... the eyes, the noses... some dogs with their perfect puppy pouts....
annnnnnd.... here's Rhena's.
looks like Clifford had a bad day, you think?
yeah... so I HONESTLY had every intention of writing a nice fatty post about all that's been going on, but as it turns out.. after opening today's mail, I see I need to spend the next lifetime on the phone with the insurance baggers.
apparently, in dropping Troy (who has high blood pressure and high cholesterol) from our health insurance, and just having me and the healthy children on the policy... our monthly premium costs just WENT UP $40???
*sigh*
give me strength. or sleep... cause I'm running low on energy to deal with this shit!
somehow... when I was busy trying to survive motherhood and all the stuff in between... Rhena up and turned another year older.
She's three today.
My potty-going, kiss-giving, big sister being, booty shakin, preschool going, CRAZY ASSED HAIR havin BABY is three.
There's plenty of not-exactly poetic waxing I could do.... but I'm still trying to put the house back together after getting the entire interior painted last week, plan a luau... and you know... sing happy birthday to Rhena about 600 more times. Cause that's how we roll.
happy birthday, Boogie-Loo!
Maybe they're left over from last night, maybe it's the pride I feel in how well she did today... maybe it's just that little tiny tugging at my heart knowing that my baby is slowly but surely growing up. even if only 120 minutes at a time.
so I'm guessing that in every parent's life, there comes a time when you can no longer avoid the realization that EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) you do will be repeated, either verbally or physically, by your offspring. Sometimes this is a good thing... sometimes... well.. let's just say that Troy and I might need to start being careful of what and how we say things.
Little Miss Boogie-Pants is really taking a stronghold of this particular tactic lately. Evidence can be found every hour, on the hour, with a few bonus showings throughout the day.
Case-in-point.... overheard from the playroom:
"Baby! I said no more whining! Do you want to go to your room? ok, then no more whining!"
with her brother:
"I really love you, Moo-Moo, but playing with that is NOT a good idea."
in the food store around some other rowdy children:
"SETTLE DOWN!!! I REALLY can't think with all this noise, Mommy..."
while I'm folding laundry:
"you need to clean up, Momma, cause Daddy doesn't want to see this mess when he comes home."
and fresh off the presses... to ME, after the 3rd time I told her to wipe her hiney and get dressed:
"I'm GOING to wipe and get dressed!!! Now quit asking or you won't go outside today!"
I'm getting a sinking feeling that we might see a note or two coming home from her preschool teacher.
yeah... you KNOW it's gotta be *MY* luck that the one weekend that troy's working 15 hour days and can't come to church with us, that my darling boy takes the BIGGEST crap ever.
IN CHURCH.
at least it seemed very place-appropriate that I was praying just to get through the morning.
soooo.. with my post yesterday about the month closing and me discarding some habits (or at least trying to) it would only be fair for me to mention that September is bringing some newness to the world.
Today marks the anniversary of my dear friend Susie giving birth to her oldest son, Liam. so today.. Liam begins another year of life. I Heart Liam (yes.. with a big assed RED capital H) and on many levels I'm joking about how he and rhena need to get married.... but you KNOW that I'm also kinda serious. I love Liam, I love his momma, I love his daddy (in a 'you're the husband of my dear friend' kind of way), and I love his lil brother Seamus.. even though we haven't officially met yet. Rhena digs him, too, so there really is a chance we can get those two paired up... but even if my daughter turns out completely like me and will abandon all of her mother's wishes just to make a point of doing her own thing... I will still love me some Liam.
so happy birthday, Liam. I'm so proud of you for learning how to master the potty, for being so protective of the people and dogs you love the most, and for being thoughtful and sweet and charming and just knowing the right time to smile, period. keep being a good boy, ok?
and in other news... we're getting the house painted. no.. not the outside... the INSIDE. we're very excited about the new feel our home will have... and I'm just tickled cause it'll make cleaning up after vomiting bunco girls SO MUCH EASIER. but yeah. exciting.
I may even get off my ass (or I suppose this time it would mean SIT on my ass long enough at the computer) to do up a new blog template, too. cause it's fall, and september, and you know... newness. we'll see.
happy September, everyone.. and again.. happy birthday, Liam!
SO here we are... it's the end of august.
This month was very special for me; I took a LOT of time to look within, and to take a hard look at my external activities as well. Turns out some stuff was matching up, and other stuff wasn't.
but hey.. life is about learning, right??
Things I've learned this month (in no particular order)
1 - you HAVE to pick your battles. One thing that 9 months of no sleep will do is make you realize that you need to be selective in where you spend your energy. I've intentionally let some balls drop this summer, and let some others bounce away in faith that if sent to the right direction, they will indeed bounce back when the time is right. metaphorically speaking, of course.... I really don't have that much balls... well, LITERALLY I don't. figuratively is a different story. but I digress.
2 - SOMETIMES when you ignore shit.. it goes away. SOMETIMES it gets worse. Whether talking about relationships or Danny's inability to sleep through the night, I definitely recognize now that I can't expect things to happen on their own. ok.. so maybe this is a tangent of picking your battles and applying energy, but I'm finally knuckling down and treating Danny's non-sleeping as an issue that deserves proper attention. either way.. the whole scenario leads me to another learning point, which is...
3 - You have to know when to ask for help. who knew?? turns out that when you actually get rid of preconceived notions of having been somewhere before and expectations of knowing how to do something, and just admit that you're fucking up and ASK for help... you can get it. or the walk....
holy motherfuckercrackerbags..... I GOT HELP!!!
shortly before my cousin Rachel's birthday, we hit 100% of the fundraising goal for the Breast Cancer walk I'm doing. and then we went past it. What a wonderful gift that was for me to 'give' to her. for YOU to give to her. and how appropriate that as she begins another year of her life, she can do so with the knowledge that SO MANY PEOPLE donated to a cause that believes that she CAN and WILL have many many more birthdays.
well... there's probably a lot more I learned, (like walking 3 miles on a hilly route with a 20 pound baby strapped to you and pulling a 28 pound 3 year old in a wagon is MUCH harder than it looks) but I'm not gonna divulge everything. Gotta play dumb on SOME stuff so the expectations aren't always too high, ya know?
but I must thank you all. for everyone that donated, for everyone that shared a kind thought.... thank you.
of COURSE... the battle is never over. Yes... we hit my fundraising goal, but there's many other walkers out there. So on the off chance that you DID want to contribute to me but didn't get a chance to yet.. please don't. please consider supporting one of the many other millions of walkers out there...
especially my girlfriend Denita... who is doing the Susan G Komen 3-day walk in Seattle
and
the lovely Hanni... who's doing the Komen Race for the Cure in Houston.
but seriously... to all of you who did SO MUCH.... thank you. And hey.. rest up; I'm going to be carrying you all in my heart every step of the way in October!
so if any of you have clicked on my donation/walker page, you'll know that I talk about one percent a lot.
Today is no different.
Today, I'm making it a point to sit my ass down at this computer and say that I'm looking for one percent...
cause that's how far away we are from the fundraising goal.
as of right now, all monies raised/pledged total $1775 dollars.... just a mere $25 dollars short of my goal. Just a little over one percent.
I have gotten money from friends.. from family, from friends of friends and friends of family, and family of friends of family. yeah. talk about being appreciative. One of my friends made a donation even though her husband has been out of work for a month.
I will be DAMNED if I don't walk all 39.3 miles. How can I not???
For the generosity and the complete outpouring of support... I just can not imagine what I was thinking by possibly not doing the walk this year. seriously... it's at the point now that my involvement in the walk is bigger than me.
does that make sense?
It's pretty cool, to be honest.
and pretty frigging intimidating. I mean.. I walked 3 miles yesterday morning with danny strapped to my chest and pushing rhena in the steel box of a stroller we have... and I was huffin and a puffin. Granted it WAS like a trillion degrees outside, and Danny DOES resemble a large thawed turkey (20-pounder.. at least!!) so that made the walking a little harder... but phew!
let's just say it's a damn good thing I didn't have to do THAT walk 13 times yesterday. I would not have made it.
but like Rocky.... I'm getting stronger, and the walks... they keep getting longer. ok, so maybe only the getting stronger part was like rocky, but you know what I mean.
anyways.
$25 dollars to go.
wow.
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for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:
ok, things have been hectic in these parts: being in Illinois, coming back, detoxing the kids, and now my folks are here. I feel like a laundry mat, but the house is clean.
so.. until I can get a chance to sit and catch my breath.. I have 2 words:
NINETY PERCENT.
ok.. more is coming soon... I just had to share.
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for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:
So I'm finally connected here at the inlaws. well, actually, I got connected a few days ago, but Troy has been monopolizing the laptop for work, and beings how he brings in the money that pays the bills... he gets the laptop by default.
but what a reflective past few days it's been.
So driving out here to the midwest really opened my eyes to what middle-america is really like. Not that I believed that everyone lives in their version of stepford, but you see enough cornfields and dilapidated barns and adult bookstores (with ARCADES!) right next to some holy roller evangelist churches with like 3 or 10 huge crosses out front to remind the adult book (and ARCADE!!!) buyers how sinly they are to kinda wake you up and realize that maybe John Cougar Mellencamp might have been a better penner of our national anthem?
Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to cash in the home-owners-association-approved split-rail fences and move to this wonderland where roadside produce stands run on the honor system, and the locals bleed red, white, and blue.... no... I'd much rather hang with my house-puking bunco hens than Jeb and Cleetus and Sally Jo. But it's good to step out of my norm every now and then.
I think that's what the walk has been making me do, too. well, no... actually, I *KNOW* it's making me step out of my norm.
When it comes to pretty much most topics... I'm a middle of the roader. I like my ability to be able to see and argue both sides of pretty much anything. And perhaps this ability to view many angles prevents me from being very vocal about my beliefs. Strike that... we all know my ass is vocal about everything... I just mean that as much as I like to spout off about shit.. I'm not trying to change the world. I'm just an ego-centric girl from jersey who likes to talk to anyone who'll listen. But I'm not about to tell people they're wrong for what they think.
now again... This does not mean I'm failing to recognize my innate ability to roll my eyes and call people fat assed white trashed negligent pig farmers for the slightest infraction such as talking on a cell phone instead of minding their child.... yes. I AM judgemental. and I DO spout off about how stupid I think many many people are. but I do NOT claim that those folks are wrong for their stupidity. I just like to call it as I see it.. you know... without coming right out about who's right or wrong... though I'm sure if you've made it this far y'all know I'm always right....
but that's besides the point.
my REAL point is that doing this whole breast cancer walk is forcing me to step out of my middle-world-comfort-zone and champion a cause. you know... TELL people about it. and then tell MORE people about it. and then, of course... ask them to help me.
gah!! WHY is the last part so difficult???
Here, in my private audience of blinking coursers and faceless readers, I can say whatever the hell I want. and in my little bubble of never-rejected, I can pretend that the people that don't donate just might not know about the walk or my blog, or are already involved with a walk of their own. you know... middle-of-the-road. I'm doing my part by blogging about it.. but there's really no risk of rejection here. more than nothing, but definitely not commensurate of the effort I should be putting forth for something I feel so strongly about.
So the GOOD news is that (on the subject of middles) ... the donations have surpassed the 50% mark. I'm still beside myself. Really... when I think of how much has been put up so far by so many.. and so QUICKLY!!!! seriously... one week in and already halfway there!!!!
The bad news, or at least in my mind... is now is where the hard work begins. I have to step out of my comfort zone and really show my shit. well, not like show-me-your-shit-mardi-gras-style... but now is when I have to face the people I've sent e-mails to about the walk and ask them what they thought, being that they never responded.
But maybe that was a mistake I made. by sending the e-mail, I gave people an out. delete, delete, delete.... I can think that hotmail screwed up my outgoing message, and they can pretend they never saw it. avoid, avoid, avoid.
SO anyways.. my long and drawn out point is that I recognize I've been safely playing in the middle of the road, and like the chicken... it's time I crossed the road. I just hope that when I finally stick my neck out, that I don't choke.
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for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:
For once, I am not talking about Danny's inability to sleep through the night. (though, as 'luck' would have it.. he was up every hour on the hour last night.... gotta love that right before a big road trip!)
but I digress.
As a Catholic, one phrase that you always hear is "On the third day, He rose again..."
as I was getting my coffee ready today, I started thinking about what I would blog about. Third day, third day... I thought. instinctively, my mind kept finishing with "He rose again". must be the CCD teacher in me?
either way... the phrase "He rose again" got me thinking.
As a Catholic, I believe that we all rise again.. or at least our souls do... to some form of eternal glory or damnation. (or stagnation, cause I do believe in the idea of purgatory)
And while I know that this premise of an afterlife is not an idea shared by everyone, I can't help but think that it does provide some form of hope for women suffering from, or the loved ones of women suffering from Breast Cancer.
cause given the shit they go through... there's GOTTA be something better.
BUT... this isn't CCD class, so I'm not going to go into religious theories.
so to keep with the idea of rising again.... as of this morning, the donations keep coming in... and I'm SO PROUD to say that we're 43% towards our goal. FORTY THREE PERCENT!!! after TWO DAYS!!!!! This is truly phenomenal... plain and simple.
I'll be offline for a day or two; we're driving up to Illinois to see Troy's folks for a week.
While I'm gone... please take a look at the TRIBUTE BOOK on the Avon website.
if I ever had any doubt of spirits rising, seeing the memorial after memorial assures me that those souls are VERY much alive in the hearts and minds of those left behind.
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for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:
So yesterday was very emotional for me.
The sheer act of 'breaking the seal' so to speak was exhausting. I mean.. I spoke about the nerves-slash-discomfort of asking people for money... but the PRESSURE!!
I mean.. how do I find the right words to explain what my heart and soul feel? There's NO DOUBT in my mind that I would have SUCKED ASS if I didn't get married in church and I was forced to write my own vows to Troy. It probably would have read somewhere along the lines of :
"I take you Troy... cause I have to.. I mean I NEED to... cause you are like.. I mean WE ARE .... and so I just need to."
yeah. Me??? not so good with the words.
so yeah. the PRESSURE!!! How do I get my message across without looking like a total ass???
I mean.. for the most part.. fighting breast cancer is a cause that people either feel compelled to get involved with, or they don't. I mean, I don't think anyone would say they DON'T want to find a cure...
but again, I digress.
it's just so very overwhelming.
and now... the donations have started to come in. the donations are starting to come in!!!!!
My main idea is to get as many people as possible to donate just a LITTLE. being a family of four that survives on one income, I know how important the mighty dollar is.. and I know WE sure as hell can't afford to be throwing money at every good cause out there. BUT... I know we can skip our occasional pizza delivery just once and put that money towards something that is important to us.
but that's us, and that's completely besides the point.
I am COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED at the generosity of donations that have started to come in. I got two donations yesterday from people I don't even know!!! And even more from some wonderful people that I only know 'virtually'.
and again.. back to what I said about either supporting a cause or not. I KNOW that people donating has nothing to do with me... but how can I NOT feel overwhelmed with love and appreciation when I become aware of other people that exist in this world?
It's like someone holding a door for you. I KNOW that when someone holds a door for me, it's not because they eyed me up and said.. "ooh ooh ooh... that's Carrie.. I just NEED to hold the door for her!"
Holding a door for someone... as simple as it is.. is in someone's nature or it isn't. It shows a glimpse of their character, just a tiny reflection of kindness for others. And when that happens, I feel good. Sure, it's nice to NOT have to do the "stretch the leg, swing the ass, hold the door, push the stroller swing the ass again" dance.... but I take far greater joy knowing that there exists some decent people in the world that my children are growing up in. Or at least people in this world that are CAPABLE of being decent.
and while I'm not naive enough to think that holding a door or donating to a charity makes someone a good person.. it's the act of CHOOSING to do good that has me all choked up.
So today, I'm sitting back and enjoying the overwhelming feeling of appreciation I have towards all the choices to do good that so many people do every day.
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for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:
