something happened

something happened to me these past few months. I stopped writing about life, and started living it.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with blogging. I think it's a great tool for communication. networking. stress relief. sharing. (even when shit probably shouldn't be shared)

but.... it just hasn't been my top priority lately.

which is a shame, cause I feel like an ass for not taking enough pause to publicly note that my mooser turned one. back in november. oops.

but hey. look at him. he's happy, he's healthy... and now he's one.

bleh.

things are good. just busy.

mom and dad come back from italy at the end of the week, then will pretty much wash their asses and turn around to come down here to visit. then it's rhena's thanksgiving party at school, danny's first birthday, thanksgiving, troy's christmas party, my birthday, the christmas social and troy's birthday. all of this and more, happening at the Apollo all before December 10th.


then we head to jersey.

Gloria Gaynor, be my mentor, and St. Jude PLEASE help me find my home-made disco mix to get my ass up and through new year's.

Trick or Treat

the TRICK was getting them to both sit still AND look at the camera AND smile so we could get a picture.

The TREAT was that for one year, and if only probably my LAST... I got to have my kids in coordinating costumes for Halloween.

Ladies and Gentlemen: I give you the Princess and the Frog-Prince...

Happy Halloween!!!

Fright Night

ok.. so if you ever catch yourself living in stepford, and attending a halloween-themed bunco... it is entirely acceptable to dress as a cat.



Might I warn against sticking silver skull confetti in front of your front teeth and trying to pose all ganstah, though....





you'll just end up looking like a retarded bunny. (retarded bunny dressed like a cat, that is...)

Feeling Blue

Sometimes... I just don't HAVE to write anything.

---update from the walk is on the way; just wanted to lighten the mood around here a little.

Before I begin

Tomorrow is the walk.


before I go and walk my ass off, I want to take pause and give recognition to the SO MANY PEOPLE who helped me achieve my fundraising goal.

For whatever reasons you had to dig in and shell out... I thank you. you all are a huge reason why I'm doing this walk tomorrow. Cause you believe, too. plain and simple... cause you believe.


You're in good company.

_______________

Troy, Rhena, and Danny. Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad Johnson. Derek, Dawn, Dara, Delaney, and Damian. Rachel, Rob, and Lindsay. Jennifer. Denita. Suser, Dan, Liam, and Seamus. Jody, Brad, Dov, and Zoe. Fergie, Jamie, and Jackson. Bridget, Jason, Riley, and Jordan. Laura and David. Gary and Nora. Diana, Garratt, Tucker, and Callie. Marisa. Kelli, Mathew, Kendal, and Ava. Katy, Mike, Dylan, and Cameron. Nancy and Mike. Jenni, Dale, and Garrett. Karen. Bill and Heather. Jina. Tracy. Christina, Scott, Dane and Carissa. Kristina, Mike, Casey and Jacob. Avani, Nimish, and Rushabh. Gina. Maria, Joel, Maddie and Aidan. Marianna. Maria, Ed, Cassie, Anna, and Rachel.

like I said.... Good company. I couldn't do this without you.

thank you all!!!

The irony dumbfounds me

so my last post I bitched about my DVR and the networks and just spoke of TV in general.

WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, that the VERY next morning, Rhena came down with a cold of some sorts, and was running a fever for 2 days straight. all she wanted was to lay in my bed and watch tv. (and when I say TV I mean the huge variety of three shows she deems acceptable to watch.) too bad I didn't have any of her 'shows' saved up in my room.


we muddled through, though.... and all was back to normal in our house by thursday.


oh, that is until the cable company decided to do 'improvements' in our area.


since yesterday morning, we have had no cable or internet connection.


ASK me how PLEASED I was that the ONE NIGHT of tv I look forward to the most was pretty much CANCELLED for me. and not just cancelled... more like a personal BITCH SLAP for complaining earlier in the week, because don't you KNOW my neighbors acrss the street have cable and internet?

well, I know this because 1- I CALLED my neighbor last night, ready to commiserate missing betty, office, and grey's... and she was pissed I was interrupting her shows. oh, and I know the neighbors across the street have internet, because I'm pirating their bandwidth (not bandWITH, daddy!) just to bitch on this post.


It seems silly to be pissed about missing a little tv, but c'mon... I REALLY look forward to those 3 shows each week... ESPECIALLY now since the writers of the office have finally gotten a clue and made the show an hour long!!!

I'm going to call the cable company when we finally get connected again, and ask that I get pro-rated a refund for the days of no service. seems only fair that the bitches buy me a coffee as some consolation. They should buy my neighbors a coffee, too, being that THEIR connection is probably slow as shit with me hacking into their wireless and all.... but I'll be happy with just the one for me and troy.

I could be SO RICH

... but you know I'm not.


huh?


what in hell is she talking about now, you ask?


welll... it goes like this.


I'm a tv junkie. we know this. I watch so many primetime shows during the regular viewing season (ie.. not the summer suckity shit the networks give us... though I have to say, I'm really not impressed with some of the newer BIG AWESOME MUST-SEE shows lately... but I digress)

ANYWAYS.... between having multiple recording of higglytown heroes, mickey mouse and little einsteins on the main tv to satiate the beast that my daughter can become, and MY shows that apparently I'm just too fucking tired to stay up and watch, or... in cases like thursday nights, when I have 2 favorite shows on at the same time... my DVR fills up fast.


now, if I could watch some of my shows upstairs in my room (instead of the usual falling asleep to Troy's favorite.. the Military channel) where I would be much more comfortable... i could 'burn' through my show queue faster.

(side note.. for this very reason, we have a DVR in our bedroom, too, but that just means making sure TWO tvs are scheduled properly, especially when the networks jerk you around by having the shows run to 10:03pm, EVEN THOUGH THE GUIDE SAYS IT RUNS TIL 10:02.... THUS CAUSING YOU TO MISS THE EVER-FUCKING-IMPORTANT LAST MINUTE WHERE ALL THE SHIT FOR NEXT WEEK IS SET UP!!!! )(which, by the way-- I know, another side note--- is my personal thought that the networks are fucking with you for trying to have it all... and the run their shit staggered like that to force people into watching it real-time, or record the show AFTER the show you really want to watch, hoping to get some viewers hooked on the second show who really only just want that last minute of the first show)


bleh. it gets to be too much, and then I forget which show I watched where and what tv has what recorded.. it's enough to make an already frazzled mom scream.


so WHY can't there just be ONE mainframe for the house that any tv can record and/or retrieve from???


naturally, I proudly told troy my geek-a-licious idea, and he told me we COULD have that.. if only we (blah blah computer jargon blah blah blah) set up a hard drive (blah blah more techie shit blah blah) each tv had a wireless (blah blah I'm really glossing over now, couldn't you have just said "great idea honey" blah blah)

yeah. and I COULD have a great body and a clean home all the time, too.. but how practical is THAT????


I'm just talking ONE box.... and any tv that's plugged into your cable or satellite outlet can record or play from that one 'box'. no more drinking coffee to watch the shows downstairs so I don't fall asleep on the couch and fuck up my back!! I can watch them upstairs!!!

I could have breakfast in bed with rhena in our room while we knock back bowls of strawberry oatmeal and watch mickey mouse!!! and NOT worry that the episode where it's minnie's birthday isn't on that particular tv!!! cause you KNOW a girl's gotta have a little minnie's birthday now and then....



anyways... I'm stating my idea here on the web hoping that SOMEONE who can do all that wiring digital shit might hear me and understand my plight. I'd LIKE for this technology to be called DCO.. for Digital Carrie-Over. cause you know.. my name being Carrie and all... and I didn't think Cze-Johnson flowed very well.

hell.. it could even be called Digital Carry Over.. with the Y... I'd still know they were thinking of me.


Now... before you start ripping me a new one with your smarty-pants-selves.. I don't have ANY clue if this technology already exists. I know for DAMN sure it doesn't exist in MY house. I mean seriously.. didn't you just read how I'm too busy watching my shows???

I SUPPOSE the best answer would be for me just to pull the damn plug and read a book... that would pretty much solve my problems!!! but c'mon..... that's just not as much fun!

DCO, people. you heard it here first!

Clifford, the Big Red (and apparently pissed off) Dog

So I know it's been a while since I last checked in. all is going well, and the school year is in full swing. We had Rhena's birthday party last week, and everyone seemed to have a tropically good time at her luau.


CCD started again for me, and that also is going well. keeping me busy... but going well.


One of the coolest things about me teaching CCD this year, though, is NOT the actual teaching. No.. it's not even the students I have this year. Though I imagine they'll prove to be pretty rockin' 2nd graders... no... the coolest thing about me teaching this year is that I'm teaching in the same classroom that Rhena goes to preschool in. (yes, she attends preschool at our church)



SO every monday night, I get to peer into her world a little. I look at the crafts that are hanging on the boards and walls.... I see posted lesson plans.... and when it's quiet.. like after class is over and the students are gone and I'm cleaning the desks... well, I could swear I hear Rhena laughing from the week before.




but SPEAKING of laughing... I had to share this. Apparently, the kids had been reading about Clifford, and focusing on the color red. so there have been a lot of red projects that come home.. and I ooh and aah appropriately to Rhena as she displays her artwork to me each day.



So ONE project is still hanging up in their class. below you will see a group of clifford-heads... a small sampling of what was done by the students in her class. looks cute when all together... the eyes, the noses... some dogs with their perfect puppy pouts....









annnnnnd.... here's Rhena's.








looks like Clifford had a bad day, you think?

Too much and Too Little

yeah... so I HONESTLY had every intention of writing a nice fatty post about all that's been going on, but as it turns out.. after opening today's mail, I see I need to spend the next lifetime on the phone with the insurance baggers.

apparently, in dropping Troy (who has high blood pressure and high cholesterol) from our health insurance, and just having me and the healthy children on the policy... our monthly premium costs just WENT UP $40???


*sigh*


give me strength. or sleep... cause I'm running low on energy to deal with this shit!

I blinked

somehow... when I was busy trying to survive motherhood and all the stuff in between... Rhena up and turned another year older.





She's three today.





My potty-going, kiss-giving, big sister being, booty shakin, preschool going, CRAZY ASSED HAIR havin BABY is three.





There's plenty of not-exactly poetic waxing I could do.... but I'm still trying to put the house back together after getting the entire interior painted last week, plan a luau... and you know... sing happy birthday to Rhena about 600 more times. Cause that's how we roll.

happy birthday, Boogie-Loo!

My closet needs Zofran

seriously.

look at this room!!! I SWEAR my closet didn't puke, but man oh man.. it looks like it did, huh?

This season's big consignment sale starts this weekend, and I've been prepping for it. To say I'm overwhelmed would be an understatement. To say my guest bedroom is a disaster zone would ALSO be an understatement.

I... well... I...

*sigh*

I have a LOT of work to do.

only 120 minutes

so today was Rhena's first day of preschool.

She was only there for 2 hours... part of some ease-in period they have for the little ones. And the full-length class is only three hours, so when added to the idea that she'll only be going twice a week... well... I suppose it doesn't sound like a big deal.

but it is.

At least to us it is.

My baby boogie-loo... my rhena-beana... my monkey, my monster.... did I say my BABY??? went to school today!!!!

SHE--- was thoroughly excited, and is already asking when she gets to go again. This is big stuff, considering that the only responses she's had around humans other than Troy, myself, Moosey and our folks is that of hiding, crying, or pretty much hiding AND crying.

So again.. for her to want to go to a place that requires her to be around people (and SPEAK to them, for that matter) is like an ass-hair short of a phenomenon.

ME---- well... I had my tears and fears about a month ago, and a teeeeeny little bit again for good measure last night. I told Troy that it was kinda like the night before a big exam. nothing I could do at that point would change how rhena would behave, react or perceive her school. Nothing could be done to change HER. she was either going to be ready or she wouldn't. I would have either done my job in raising a tolerable (dare I go for PLEASANT?) little girl who would respond well in a classroom situation. (two weeks shy of) Three years in the making.. all boiling down to 120 minutes.

ok, ok... so maybe everything wouldn't be riding on today's 120 minutes, and that's just my flare for drama and suspense coming through... but you know what I mean. It was still a pivotal point in MY mind.

So I let go of the worries last night, and was able to enjoy today. We took pictures. we sang songs while getting dressed. we took more pictures. we had a dance party, we packed her snack, and we went to school. and you know.... took a few more pictures.

we did not cry.

Not when the three kids in her class erupted into full-on terror fits when THEIR parents left. nope. no tears. Not when she said goodbye to danny and told him to be a good moo-moo for his mama. nope. no tears then, either. And definitely not when I got *MY* kiss goodbye. we both did good.

In fact, there was nothing but celebration and happiness today.

SO I guess that's why I find it strange that as I sit here, looking at the little girl below with the big ole happy face, full of excitement and anticipation of all that the day would bring... that the tears are slow and steady to run down my cheeks.

Maybe they're left over from last night, maybe it's the pride I feel in how well she did today... maybe it's just that little tiny tugging at my heart knowing that my baby is slowly but surely growing up. even if only 120 minutes at a time.

House of Mirrors

so I'm guessing that in every parent's life, there comes a time when you can no longer avoid the realization that EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) you do will be repeated, either verbally or physically, by your offspring. Sometimes this is a good thing... sometimes... well.. let's just say that Troy and I might need to start being careful of what and how we say things.


Little Miss Boogie-Pants is really taking a stronghold of this particular tactic lately. Evidence can be found every hour, on the hour, with a few bonus showings throughout the day.


Case-in-point.... overheard from the playroom:

"Baby! I said no more whining! Do you want to go to your room? ok, then no more whining!"



with her brother:

"I really love you, Moo-Moo, but playing with that is NOT a good idea."


in the food store around some other rowdy children:

"SETTLE DOWN!!! I REALLY can't think with all this noise, Mommy..."


while I'm folding laundry:

"you need to clean up, Momma, cause Daddy doesn't want to see this mess when he comes home."


and fresh off the presses... to ME, after the 3rd time I told her to wipe her hiney and get dressed:

"I'm GOING to wipe and get dressed!!! Now quit asking or you won't go outside today!"




I'm getting a sinking feeling that we might see a note or two coming home from her preschool teacher.

'Not so fresh' feeling

yeah... you KNOW it's gotta be *MY* luck that the one weekend that troy's working 15 hour days and can't come to church with us, that my darling boy takes the BIGGEST crap ever.

IN CHURCH.



at least it seemed very place-appropriate that I was praying just to get through the morning.

Newness

soooo.. with my post yesterday about the month closing and me discarding some habits (or at least trying to) it would only be fair for me to mention that September is bringing some newness to the world.


Today marks the anniversary of my dear friend Susie giving birth to her oldest son, Liam. so today.. Liam begins another year of life. I Heart Liam (yes.. with a big assed RED capital H) and on many levels I'm joking about how he and rhena need to get married.... but you KNOW that I'm also kinda serious. I love Liam, I love his momma, I love his daddy (in a 'you're the husband of my dear friend' kind of way), and I love his lil brother Seamus.. even though we haven't officially met yet. Rhena digs him, too, so there really is a chance we can get those two paired up... but even if my daughter turns out completely like me and will abandon all of her mother's wishes just to make a point of doing her own thing... I will still love me some Liam.

so happy birthday, Liam. I'm so proud of you for learning how to master the potty, for being so protective of the people and dogs you love the most, and for being thoughtful and sweet and charming and just knowing the right time to smile, period. keep being a good boy, ok?



and in other news... we're getting the house painted. no.. not the outside... the INSIDE. we're very excited about the new feel our home will have... and I'm just tickled cause it'll make cleaning up after vomiting bunco girls SO MUCH EASIER. but yeah. exciting.


I may even get off my ass (or I suppose this time it would mean SIT on my ass long enough at the computer) to do up a new blog template, too. cause it's fall, and september, and you know... newness. we'll see.


happy September, everyone.. and again.. happy birthday, Liam!

...and in the end...

SO here we are... it's the end of august.


This month was very special for me; I took a LOT of time to look within, and to take a hard look at my external activities as well. Turns out some stuff was matching up, and other stuff wasn't.


but hey.. life is about learning, right??


Things I've learned this month (in no particular order)

1 - you HAVE to pick your battles. One thing that 9 months of no sleep will do is make you realize that you need to be selective in where you spend your energy. I've intentionally let some balls drop this summer, and let some others bounce away in faith that if sent to the right direction, they will indeed bounce back when the time is right. metaphorically speaking, of course.... I really don't have that much balls... well, LITERALLY I don't. figuratively is a different story. but I digress.


2 - SOMETIMES when you ignore shit.. it goes away. SOMETIMES it gets worse. Whether talking about relationships or Danny's inability to sleep through the night, I definitely recognize now that I can't expect things to happen on their own. ok.. so maybe this is a tangent of picking your battles and applying energy, but I'm finally knuckling down and treating Danny's non-sleeping as an issue that deserves proper attention. either way.. the whole scenario leads me to another learning point, which is...

3 - You have to know when to ask for help. who knew?? turns out that when you actually get rid of preconceived notions of having been somewhere before and expectations of knowing how to do something, and just admit that you're fucking up and ASK for help... you can get it. or the walk....

holy motherfuckercrackerbags..... I GOT HELP!!!

shortly before my cousin Rachel's birthday, we hit 100% of the fundraising goal for the Breast Cancer walk I'm doing. and then we went past it. What a wonderful gift that was for me to 'give' to her. for YOU to give to her. and how appropriate that as she begins another year of her life, she can do so with the knowledge that SO MANY PEOPLE donated to a cause that believes that she CAN and WILL have many many more birthdays.


well... there's probably a lot more I learned, (like walking 3 miles on a hilly route with a 20 pound baby strapped to you and pulling a 28 pound 3 year old in a wagon is MUCH harder than it looks) but I'm not gonna divulge everything. Gotta play dumb on SOME stuff so the expectations aren't always too high, ya know?


but I must thank you all. for everyone that donated, for everyone that shared a kind thought.... thank you.

of COURSE... the battle is never over. Yes... we hit my fundraising goal, but there's many other walkers out there. So on the off chance that you DID want to contribute to me but didn't get a chance to yet.. please don't. please consider supporting one of the many other millions of walkers out there...

especially my girlfriend Denita... who is doing the Susan G Komen 3-day walk in Seattle

and

the lovely Hanni... who's doing the Komen Race for the Cure in Houston.



but seriously... to all of you who did SO MUCH.... thank you. And hey.. rest up; I'm going to be carrying you all in my heart every step of the way in October!

Not about the days anymore

so if any of you have clicked on my donation/walker page, you'll know that I talk about one percent a lot.


Today is no different.


Today, I'm making it a point to sit my ass down at this computer and say that I'm looking for one percent...


cause that's how far away we are from the fundraising goal.


as of right now, all monies raised/pledged total $1775 dollars.... just a mere $25 dollars short of my goal. Just a little over one percent.


I have gotten money from friends.. from family, from friends of friends and friends of family, and family of friends of family. yeah. talk about being appreciative. One of my friends made a donation even though her husband has been out of work for a month.

I will be DAMNED if I don't walk all 39.3 miles. How can I not???

For the generosity and the complete outpouring of support... I just can not imagine what I was thinking by possibly not doing the walk this year. seriously... it's at the point now that my involvement in the walk is bigger than me.

does that make sense?


It's pretty cool, to be honest.

and pretty frigging intimidating. I mean.. I walked 3 miles yesterday morning with danny strapped to my chest and pushing rhena in the steel box of a stroller we have... and I was huffin and a puffin. Granted it WAS like a trillion degrees outside, and Danny DOES resemble a large thawed turkey (20-pounder.. at least!!) so that made the walking a little harder... but phew!


let's just say it's a damn good thing I didn't have to do THAT walk 13 times yesterday. I would not have made it.

but like Rocky.... I'm getting stronger, and the walks... they keep getting longer. ok, so maybe only the getting stronger part was like rocky, but you know what I mean.


anyways.


$25 dollars to go.


wow.




________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:

Day 16 - two words

ok, things have been hectic in these parts: being in Illinois, coming back, detoxing the kids, and now my folks are here. I feel like a laundry mat, but the house is clean.





so.. until I can get a chance to sit and catch my breath.. I have 2 words:



NINETY PERCENT.





ok.. more is coming soon... I just had to share.



________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:

Day Eight - Middle of the Road

So I'm finally connected here at the inlaws. well, actually, I got connected a few days ago, but Troy has been monopolizing the laptop for work, and beings how he brings in the money that pays the bills... he gets the laptop by default.


but what a reflective past few days it's been.


So driving out here to the midwest really opened my eyes to what middle-america is really like. Not that I believed that everyone lives in their version of stepford, but you see enough cornfields and dilapidated barns and adult bookstores (with ARCADES!) right next to some holy roller evangelist churches with like 3 or 10 huge crosses out front to remind the adult book (and ARCADE!!!) buyers how sinly they are to kinda wake you up and realize that maybe John Cougar Mellencamp might have been a better penner of our national anthem?

Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to cash in the home-owners-association-approved split-rail fences and move to this wonderland where roadside produce stands run on the honor system, and the locals bleed red, white, and blue.... no... I'd much rather hang with my house-puking bunco hens than Jeb and Cleetus and Sally Jo. But it's good to step out of my norm every now and then.

I think that's what the walk has been making me do, too. well, no... actually, I *KNOW* it's making me step out of my norm.

When it comes to pretty much most topics... I'm a middle of the roader. I like my ability to be able to see and argue both sides of pretty much anything. And perhaps this ability to view many angles prevents me from being very vocal about my beliefs. Strike that... we all know my ass is vocal about everything... I just mean that as much as I like to spout off about shit.. I'm not trying to change the world. I'm just an ego-centric girl from jersey who likes to talk to anyone who'll listen. But I'm not about to tell people they're wrong for what they think.


now again... This does not mean I'm failing to recognize my innate ability to roll my eyes and call people fat assed white trashed negligent pig farmers for the slightest infraction such as talking on a cell phone instead of minding their child.... yes. I AM judgemental. and I DO spout off about how stupid I think many many people are. but I do NOT claim that those folks are wrong for their stupidity. I just like to call it as I see it.. you know... without coming right out about who's right or wrong... though I'm sure if you've made it this far y'all know I'm always right....

but that's besides the point.

my REAL point is that doing this whole breast cancer walk is forcing me to step out of my middle-world-comfort-zone and champion a cause. you know... TELL people about it. and then tell MORE people about it. and then, of course... ask them to help me.

gah!! WHY is the last part so difficult???


Here, in my private audience of blinking coursers and faceless readers, I can say whatever the hell I want. and in my little bubble of never-rejected, I can pretend that the people that don't donate just might not know about the walk or my blog, or are already involved with a walk of their own. you know... middle-of-the-road. I'm doing my part by blogging about it.. but there's really no risk of rejection here. more than nothing, but definitely not commensurate of the effort I should be putting forth for something I feel so strongly about.


So the GOOD news is that (on the subject of middles) ... the donations have surpassed the 50% mark. I'm still beside myself. Really... when I think of how much has been put up so far by so many.. and so QUICKLY!!!! seriously... one week in and already halfway there!!!!

The bad news, or at least in my mind... is now is where the hard work begins. I have to step out of my comfort zone and really show my shit. well, not like show-me-your-shit-mardi-gras-style... but now is when I have to face the people I've sent e-mails to about the walk and ask them what they thought, being that they never responded.

But maybe that was a mistake I made. by sending the e-mail, I gave people an out. delete, delete, delete.... I can think that hotmail screwed up my outgoing message, and they can pretend they never saw it. avoid, avoid, avoid.

SO anyways.. my long and drawn out point is that I recognize I've been safely playing in the middle of the road, and like the chicken... it's time I crossed the road. I just hope that when I finally stick my neck out, that I don't choke.



________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:

Day Three - Rising Again

For once, I am not talking about Danny's inability to sleep through the night. (though, as 'luck' would have it.. he was up every hour on the hour last night.... gotta love that right before a big road trip!)


but I digress.


As a Catholic, one phrase that you always hear is "On the third day, He rose again..."


as I was getting my coffee ready today, I started thinking about what I would blog about. Third day, third day... I thought. instinctively, my mind kept finishing with "He rose again". must be the CCD teacher in me?

either way... the phrase "He rose again" got me thinking.


As a Catholic, I believe that we all rise again.. or at least our souls do... to some form of eternal glory or damnation. (or stagnation, cause I do believe in the idea of purgatory)

And while I know that this premise of an afterlife is not an idea shared by everyone, I can't help but think that it does provide some form of hope for women suffering from, or the loved ones of women suffering from Breast Cancer.

cause given the shit they go through... there's GOTTA be something better.


BUT... this isn't CCD class, so I'm not going to go into religious theories.

so to keep with the idea of rising again.... as of this morning, the donations keep coming in... and I'm SO PROUD to say that we're 43% towards our goal. FORTY THREE PERCENT!!! after TWO DAYS!!!!! This is truly phenomenal... plain and simple.


I'll be offline for a day or two; we're driving up to Illinois to see Troy's folks for a week.

While I'm gone... please take a look at the TRIBUTE BOOK on the Avon website.


if I ever had any doubt of spirits rising, seeing the memorial after memorial assures me that those souls are VERY much alive in the hearts and minds of those left behind.



________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:

Day Two - Overwhelmed

So yesterday was very emotional for me.

The sheer act of 'breaking the seal' so to speak was exhausting. I mean.. I spoke about the nerves-slash-discomfort of asking people for money... but the PRESSURE!!


I mean.. how do I find the right words to explain what my heart and soul feel? There's NO DOUBT in my mind that I would have SUCKED ASS if I didn't get married in church and I was forced to write my own vows to Troy. It probably would have read somewhere along the lines of :


"I take you Troy... cause I have to.. I mean I NEED to... cause you are like.. I mean WE ARE .... and so I just need to."


yeah. Me??? not so good with the words.


so yeah. the PRESSURE!!! How do I get my message across without looking like a total ass???


I mean.. for the most part.. fighting breast cancer is a cause that people either feel compelled to get involved with, or they don't. I mean, I don't think anyone would say they DON'T want to find a cure...

but again, I digress.

it's just so very overwhelming.

and now... the donations have started to come in. the donations are starting to come in!!!!!


My main idea is to get as many people as possible to donate just a LITTLE. being a family of four that survives on one income, I know how important the mighty dollar is.. and I know WE sure as hell can't afford to be throwing money at every good cause out there. BUT... I know we can skip our occasional pizza delivery just once and put that money towards something that is important to us.

but that's us, and that's completely besides the point.


I am COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED at the generosity of donations that have started to come in. I got two donations yesterday from people I don't even know!!! And even more from some wonderful people that I only know 'virtually'.

and again.. back to what I said about either supporting a cause or not. I KNOW that people donating has nothing to do with me... but how can I NOT feel overwhelmed with love and appreciation when I become aware of other people that exist in this world?


It's like someone holding a door for you. I KNOW that when someone holds a door for me, it's not because they eyed me up and said.. "ooh ooh ooh... that's Carrie.. I just NEED to hold the door for her!"


Holding a door for someone... as simple as it is.. is in someone's nature or it isn't. It shows a glimpse of their character, just a tiny reflection of kindness for others. And when that happens, I feel good. Sure, it's nice to NOT have to do the "stretch the leg, swing the ass, hold the door, push the stroller swing the ass again" dance.... but I take far greater joy knowing that there exists some decent people in the world that my children are growing up in. Or at least people in this world that are CAPABLE of being decent.

and while I'm not naive enough to think that holding a door or donating to a charity makes someone a good person.. it's the act of CHOOSING to do good that has me all choked up.


So today, I'm sitting back and enjoying the overwhelming feeling of appreciation I have towards all the choices to do good that so many people do every day.






________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:

Day One

I used to be a girl scout. As anyone that has pretty much eaten a cookie before... you know that being a girl scout, among other things, means selling cookies.


Now, my memory is pretty foggy, but I do remember selling a LOT of cookies when I was a kid. like a LOT a lot. It was probably more due to my parents' connections with like.. EVERYONE... but as pre-arranged as the purchases might have been, I was always obligated to go through the motions of knocking on each door and mustering up the gumption to ask so-and-so if they would like to buy some cookies.

I never liked it.

Call it an out-of-place gene or SOMETHING, but despite all my hours of working retail and tending bar pushing and pimping this and that product or drink (and doing it REALLY WELL) , I have NEVER been good at fundraising. I KNOW in my head that the two are really not that different...and by all measures I'm a great salesperson... but I just fall flat when it comes to fundraising.

SO for the past two months, I have kept quiet. ok, ok.. more like "for the past two months I have been physically training to do a 39.3 mile walk but I've been paralyzed with fear in terms of telling anyone about it and/or asking for them to contribute to my cause."

but today is different. Day one, right? Today is the first day of a new month, and I have made a vow to myself to no longer keep quiet. to stop being afraid of rejection, and yes.. to ask for help in something I believe in.


let me rewind just a little.

back in May, after seeing my cousin rachel in new jersey... I decided that I did not want to wait another year to get involved in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer that was going to happen here in Charlotte in October. My original thought was to just inquire about it this year, and do it NEXT year, as Danny would probably still be nursing when the 2007 walk would happen, and how would I make that happen... it would be really difficult, and so on and so on.


But then I went home in May and saw my cousin. all thoughts and notions I had about doing something out of convenience for myself were out the window.

Cancer shows no mercy to personal schedules.

Cancer doesn't give a shit if you want to nurse your child.

My cousin, my childhood best friend... for all intents and purposes.. my sister rachel has cancer. She didn't get the option of 'putting it off for another year til things settled down'.


what a small, ugly, selfish piece of shit I felt like.




so that pretty much settled that. With resound, I signed up to be a walker in the Charlotte Walk. I started training. I told one or two people about it, and with each time, I cried. Even now, just thinking about the walk I tear up.

The words escape me to properly describe my feelings about walking for breast cancer... but then again, maybe there never WERE any words. It's kinda just instinctual. and like breathing... I HAVE to walk. plain and simple. I just have to.


So everything is great. I've aligned myself with a cause I feel deeply connected to... but yet... I'm stuck. or rather.. I HAVE BEEN stuck.

new month... new attitude. Day one.


So as short as short can be, or at least as *I* can be... I'm walking in October, and I need sponsors. there. I said it.

I WANT MONEY.


Actually, I want for people to want to help. I want people to believe that a greater good will come of monies donated and people unified in a hope for the future. I want people to look at their children or mothers or wives or friends and for them to not know the fear that cancer can create.


But today is only day one.


________________________

for more information about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, or to make a donation, please click here:

Thinking Pink

Dear Readers,

I want to give you heads up that there will be a different flavor of posts here at the Fever for the month of August.

I think my readers have come to expect a certain level of bitching and moaning, with maybe a funny morsel or two thrown in for good measure when it comes to what I write. I feel it is only fair to let you know that for the next 31 days, I plan to focus primarily on a VERY emotional topic to me:

Breast Cancer.


Why now? why August? why Breast Cancer?


well... why not?


ok, ok... of COURSE there's more to it than that.. there always is. But for now, for today... I just wanted you to know a change was afoot.

we are SO married

said the husband to the blogger one lazy afternoon----


"you know... one of these days I'm totally gonna blow your mind in bed..."


said the blogger to the husband ----


"what... you going to fall asleep to something OTHER than military channel?"




-----------------------

I think we're going to skip anniversaries 4-24 and go straight to silver.

FYI

if you EVER happen to decide to clean my garage and accidentally knock over Troy's motorcycle...


might I suggest NOT attempting to hold it up for over 30 minutes to prevent it from getting scratched on the ground? really.. you'll just end up hurting your back.


also.. might I offer the advise that if you, too, are wearing flip-flops while your feet are slightly wet that there's PROBABLY no chance in hell you will be able to lift the 800+ pound bike into its upright position during that half hour of profuse sweating, praying, cursing and straining.... until, of course, someone walks by and runs to your aide because they're convinced that the screaming child they hear is pinned under said bike?


yeah. let's just say yesterday was NOT one of my finer moments.


the garage looks great, though... and no.. no scratches on the bike.

Sharks

ladies and gentlemen... my children are sharks.


and yes.. I am bleeding.



------------------------

I suppose I really don't need to follow up on that TOO much... but let me tell you.. it's going to take at LEAST three of the cupcakes I made today to bring me back to life from the past two hours alone.

My children are predators, and they not only know when it's mama's 2nd night in a row of double-duty bed routine, but I just KNOW they know it's my time of the month to prove my womanhood and dear jesus on sweet HIGH I'm in a mood, and did I TELL you we have another fucking fly in our house???

yes.. the cupcakes they are a' callin'.


sharks. downright, make-my-ass-crazy SHARKS.

Burn, baby burn!

so... as I've said in the past.. summer TV pretty much sucks. sure, we have our one-off shows here and there, and Tuesdays are good for catching up with all the episodes of House we never watched cause for some unknown reason other than for what SURELY must be categorized as pregnancy-and-post-par tum-STUPIDNESS. Really.. don't know how we missed that show for so long!

but whatever.. my point is that troy and I are FINALLY getting our money's worth out of netflix, now that the summer (aka shit programming) is here. I also like this time of year, because I finally have some other shit to talk about other than the quantities of food coming in and out of my family members' bodies, or how much sleep I'm not getting. I almost start to think that I might.. just MIGHT be able to have an adult conversation someday. you know... with another adult. and maybe out in public... but I'm not pushing my luck here.


so... recently we've caught a couple of movies. some good, some not-so-good, and as always.. some I found disturbing.

You know.. I do have to say this. while I recognize the fact that my way of thinking has been altered since becoming a mother... I really and truly wonder if the things (movies) I find so disturbing now are really that disturbing, or because my meter-reader is jacked for the whole estrogen thing.

For example:

Deliver Us From Evil - this is no question. BY FAR one of the more ... strike that... MOST disturbing movies I've watched in a long time. Not only was I fighting back vomit and rage from what this man did to children, but knowing he was allowed to go on as a prominent figure in my religion of choice??? VERY DIFFICULT. Troy and I had a deep conversation afterwards that touched on this particular documentary example, our society as a whole, our religion, and of course, our fears for the future. This movie is not for the faint of heart, though. I'll admit I was actually SORE the next day from the angst and tension I held through the whole movie.

Little Children - this one is an iffy one. *I* thought it was disturbing, but then again, I always have had a hard time watching movies that involve adultery. This movie had characters REEKING with issues, which TYPICALLY makes me feel better about myself, but eh... it just didn't sit right with me. Maybe because all of the characters were real enough that I could actually imagine meeting them here in stepford... and maybe it's the whole "you selfish asshole sonofabitches, wake the fuck up and pay attention to your CHILDREN" feelings I was having... more conversations between Troy and I, though. hah! we're such movie-critic-turned-life-coaches. Just kidding.. but seeing a blatant example of situations usually prompts troy and I to have one of those "what would YOU do" conversations. (don't worry, folks.. he and I are still very much on the same page...)

Flags of Our Fathers - I enjoyed watching this movie in that it made me think. We're waiting on the corresponding movie, Letters from Iwo Jima... With Troy having served in the Marines, I can't help but be thankful that his years never had him in war. Now, I'm not going to get into a whole discussion here about my thoughts on war, patriotism, and the distinct feeling of apathy I sense from my generation... but Flags really painted a picture of the societal sensationalism and pressure that was put on soldiers during World War II. Many war stories/movies illustrate characters as they are in battle. we as an audience watch, support, then often mourn the inevitable outcomes of these scenarios based on actual history. But few movies show the characters, and more so their emotions, when they come home. Sure, there were some war scenes, but the battles they fought in their heads when they were home were what struck a chord with me. sad.

Another one that was sad to me was Dirty Pretty Things. I really don't think about the US as being such a desirable place to live. I'll admit I take my citizenship for granted many times, and watching this movie disturbed me in that I was amazed at what people will do to escape their current living conditions. This movie definitely upped my appreciation factor for stepford... puke-filled buncos and all.

Other stuff we've burned through lately is Night at the Museum (gotta take a mental break every now and then, you know...), Catch and Release, V is for Vendetta, Blood Diamond, No Man's Land, an Inconvenient Truth, Suspect Zero (SUCKED!!! seriously.. very lame), Boys of Baraka, and You, Me and Dupree (ok, ok.. I'm a sucker for Owen Wilson!)


I imagine that I'm probably 100 years too late in the game when it comes to being qualified to discuss movies.. I mean, seriously.. I've seen ONE movie in the theater in the past 2 years?? But if anyone else wants to start up a movie-blog with me.. I'd love to jabber with ya.

Truth is... like I said... I'm really trying to get back in the game of thinking for myself about topics that don't include what's for dinner, where my daughter left her underwear, and how long it's been since the moose ate or had his diaper changed. And I love a good movie. or you know.. a heart-wrenchingly disturbing one.


Leave me a comment if you want in on the movie-chat blog, and I'll make you a contributor. Hell, even if I get one other blogger/commenter that's interested, I'll start up a blog and we can share thoughts/comments about movies we watch. But be warned.. I'm talking about movies that are not in the theaters.. cause you know.. my ass not leaving the house and all....

How-To

Want to know how to get your kid to sleep past 6:03am every day?







....I know *I* sure as hell do!

yeah... so I'm a sell-out!

ok, ok, ok....


this shouldn't be a surprise, because y'all KNOW I love me some free stuff...


anyways; Tee's running a contest, so in order for me to enter, I have to post the following blurb. go on ahead and do it yourse;f, but if you win, you owe me one of those games, cause Rhena's eyeing up the fish one.


_______________


I am entering a blog contest run by Tee at Spilt Milk. Spilt Milk is a blog about many things, including, a meddling mother-in-law, her Latino husband, motherhood, raising boys, reviews of cool products, books, funny life observations, and her struggle with religion and self esteem. The prize is a 3-pack of popular kid's computer games, and all I had to do to enter was to cut and paste this code onto my blog. I hope I win!

T K O

I originally began writing this post on tuesday, but never finished, then I found out about my uncle so I never posted it. here's a glimpse of how my week started out, though.


______________


welcome to the house of technicalities! I'm your host, but you can just call me "I must look like I have shit for Brains"... or of course... 'mommy' for short.


So today's been one of those 'get a lot of shit done' days... or at least ATTEMPT to. Danny's been kinda sick lately, so I'm trying to stay closer to the house and let him sleep as much as possible so he can get over this cold once and for all.


Rhena seemed perfectly content to be muddling around the house doing her own thing. this leaving me free to fold the Mt. Vesuvius of laundry I've got going.. I figure, what the hell. well, that's until rhena comes into danny's room holding her pyjama pants and panties in her hands and tells me,


"Mommy.. I need new panties. these have pee pee all over them."


WHAT??? whothewhatthehuh??? Mind you my surprise is truly genuine; rhena has been accident free for almost 2 months now.


"Rhena... why did you make pee pee in your pants??? You're supposed to use the bathroom! You know that!"


"BUT MOMMY.... I DID use the bathroom. I made pee pee by Daddy's sink!"


*sigh*


ok, so after all was cleaned up, I had a little sit down with her and made sure we were ALL on the same page with what momma means by bathroom. Yes, mommy means the potty. and no more in the panties, or the diapers are coming back, and do we want the diapers back? oh no. "I'm shorry, mommy. I won't make pee pee in my panties again. I'm really shorry." and WHERE do we make the pee pee? "In the PAAAH-TY, momma. NOT in my panties."



ok, fine.

day continues.

I'm doing chores, then lo and behold, a bottom-half naked rhena comes up to me and says "Hi, Mommy.. I tried to make pee pee in the potty but it won't fit!"


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Rhena... which potty did you use??"


"The one in the playroom! My pee-pee doesn't fit!"


People.. we do not have a potty in the playroom. Rhena's playroom is full of toys.


oh. oh oh oh.

---


I'm not going to give you TOO much of a visual here, but I WILL provide the one below to help you understand my frustration. Please take special care to note that although Rhena is not quite 3 years old yet, she is FAR bigger than a little people figurine. Her pee pee DEFINITELY did not fit in the potty.




and the victory goes to Rhena by order of a technical knock-out.

Rest in Peace

The fever will be on a slight hiatus. not as long as the beginning of the year, I promise you that.

I just found out that my great uncle passed away.


This fact in and of itself is sad news to me, but it is also drudging up a LOT of emotions and memories of my grandparents. I can't recall feeling this lost in quite a long time. but NOT lost.

I have a lot of shit to figure out; primarily (and quickly) whether I'm going to drive up to jersey or not. and what to do with all this shit I've got going on in my head.


Anyways.. I'll be back in a day or two when I can type out something a little more coherent. got some funny shit to share, so I definitely won't be gone long.


Rest in peace, Big John.

Come Fly with Me

TRUST me when I tell you that this is NOT a case where "eep op ork ah ah" means 'I love you'. No... EEP!! OP!! ORK! and AH AH have been the terms coming out of my mouth the past few days in lieu of cursing in front of the kids.

ladies and gentlemen... I have a FLY in my house.

And this fly... this little BANE of my existence, this taunting little SHIT of a creature has been following my ass around like.. like.. well, I guess like a fly. fucker.

It would seem that every year here in stepford, there comes a season where the flies take over. Big, obnoxious, leave-a-jet-stream-when-they-zoom-past-your-head FLIES. and they're everywhere. forget about eating outside... at least when you're a mom, anyway. I promise you that while one hand is busy swatting the pests away from your CHILDREN'S food, your other will be busy keeping the onslaught away from your own face and food with all the futility that the characters of The Birds must have felt.

people.. I hate flies!!!!

Last year, I thought I was on to something when it came to eliminating the bastids from my house. I'll admit that I probably appeared to be more of a raving lunatic than the Karate-Kid-meets-Matrix I imagined myself to be.. but hey.. one by one, I got the job done.

Towards the end of the fly season, I found the ultimate tool in assisting my plight against evil....

a bottle of windex.

Yeah, yeah, I know... sounds more like a stepford brainwashing technique to get people to clean their homes more, but as it turns out.. the windex really helps.

The trick is to catch the fly when it's sitting still. If you can get past the hysterical laughing and taunting it's doing in fly-speak, then you need to spray that little bitch with the windex. Most of the time, the blue spray will stun the fly enough that it kinda just still sits there, or at the very worst starts to flub around a lot. BUT... it really does slow it down, so that's when you snatch in with a paper towel and squash it! (then, as an added bonus, if you happened to catch your fly on the window, go ahead and wipe up rhena's face and hand prints that have accumulated since last fly season.....)

Sometimes, it might take 2 or three spray attacks to knock the fly on its ass, but I gar-run-tee that the windex works.

well, except for my fly right now. I musta hit this genetic mutation at least 6 times this weekend, and still it lurks. I can only imagine that it is the spawn of some flies I killed last year, with built-up immunities to windex. Granted, it could also be because I refilled my spray bottle with the target-brand version of windex. that'll teach me for trying to save some money!!

But I know it's getting weaker; after the chemical warfare of the past 2 days, I noticed that it didn't have the energy to come upstairs and taunt me in my bed last night. Provided it's not in a closet somewhere morphing into Jeff Goldblum's cousin or something... I plan on catching it today once and for all.

so if you don't see me around the web today, it's because I'm fighting. Defender of all things clean in a land where children think their mother is losing it... I will press on until the beast is slain. Hide the kids... it's gonna get ugly up in here!

pants on fire!!!

why anyone in the world ever believes a single word I say any more, I have no earthly idea.


Certainly, with this motherhood thing I've got going on, I've become an INCREDIBLY good liar.


I think it started out when I was pregnant 100 years ago. people would ask me how I was doing, and I learned to not tell them how I REALLY was. Apparently telling people that you're having a hard time gaining weight and feel like your blood is boiling when you're in direct sunlight is an open invitation for people to tell you that you are doomed to be an unfit mother and that in their personal experience of not being a doctor, I should be doing this that and the other thing.


Me being who I am.. well, you can tell I got tired of THAT business right quick.


so the lies began.


"I'm GREAT!" became such an easy term to say that I think I actually believed myself once or twice.

there's many others from both my pregnancies, ESPECIALLY with all the puking I did with Danny, but I have to move this post along before one of the children realizes that they are indeed not up my ass right this minute.

anyways.... once the baby came, I found that I began to tell OTHER lies... "oh, she's sleeping right now, it's really not a good time" ... "oh, sorry, we can't come to the party, the baby's got a fever" and so on and so on.


Now that Rhena talks, and more importantly.. ASKS QUESTIONS.... I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm even BETTER at lieing!!! who knew??

I mean... for one thing, any parent can tell you (or anyone that has been in the company of a child) that children have this innate ability to sense fear and spot those unsure of themselves. Like fierce predators, they sniff out the weak, and then tear their asses to shreds in the most demoralizing way... usually in public.

so you get good at the lies and faking it. I mean, if I REALLY told Rhena the truth as to why she was not allowed to do such and such, it would either take a week of diagrams and flashcards for her to maybe just slightly understand (ie the merits of vegetables vs a diet solely consisting of sugar-free mints)... or it would bring on an onslaught of questions, or.. the typical response.. a tantrum.

So.. does my child really need to know that daddy and mommy don't WANT to go to the "meggy round" (merry-go-round) because daddy has to go back to work and mommy just really really needs for it to be bedtime as soon as possible? orrrrr... can we just keep everybody happy and believe that the meggy round is sleeping right now?

yeah yeah.. I suck. my lies are because I would rather have my kid living in a world where things go to bed, play hide and seek, need batteries, or are visiting their cousins in new jersey... instead of her knowing that mommy is a lazy ass and doesn't feel like doing shit most times.


I suppose I justify all of this because there will be a day (and a day that's coming oh-so-soon, I'm afraid) that my lies will no longer work with Rhena. of course, that also screws the pooch in terms of lieing to Danny, cause Rhena will be there to clue him in when the wool is being pulled.


and of COURSE... all of this expert training is only used for the benefit of manipulating of my children. I would NEVER lie to anyone else... especially telemarketers. I ALWAYS tell them the truth.

Oh, and another thing...

To the lady in Barnes and Noble today???


Yeah, you know who you are! you have one MIGHTY big set giving ME a dirty look because I asked your child if he needed help reaching something.

MAYBE if your FAT ASS wasn't 3 aisles over talking ON THE PHONE, you MIGHT have just noticed that your own little jack-be-nimble was STANDING on the THIRD SHELF.

Seriously... next time you think of giving that look to me again, it better be because I just went up to your ugly mug and told you that you're a negligent pig-farmer* with HORRIBLE taste in clothes. Put your phone away and take your kid to a damn playground where things are MEANT to be climbed on!




-------
* please note that no actual pig farmers were harmed in the making of this post...

All Aboard!

ok.. we're back in business today. I took yesterday to love and coddle the kids, and most importantly, to lay low (figuratively and literally... didn't want to risk another fall!).

I *DO* want to thank all of the readers who either posted some love, shared a story, or just plain chose to NOT state the obvious of how I should never leave a baby unattended. cause you know.. no shit. Anyways.. all continues to be fine here in Fever Falls... so let's just mosey on, shall we?


So last night, troy and I were watching some TV. Summertime is TYPICALLY our chance to burn through our mile-long queue on Netfilx... what with summer tv programming SUCKING and everything. But last night we were actually watching the tube.

each week we tune in to watch Hell's Kitchen, and So You Think You Can Dance. (Listen... you might not like Chef Ramsey or the dancers, but I've openly admitted to being a big fan of VH1's Flavor of Love and I Love New York in the past, so yes... you CAN believe that I *DO* watch that crap! )

anyways.. my REAL point today is that after the dance show, there was a show on fox that had something to do with singing songs and not forgetting the lyrics. no biggie... typical summer tv. I suspect next summer will have a show called "try to catch the live, greased animal".. but again, that's neither here nor there. at least not this summer.


SO yeah, the singing show. Anyone else notice that there was another show with the EXACT same premise on just a half hour earlier on NBC?? (ps.. the nbc one sucked, but I think they borrowed the dancers that were on Shatner's show for like a minute...) oh, and for the record.... the host of the nbc show is a total jack-off. and WHO is he??? I should google him, but that would require extra effort.

what is it with hollywood and multiple networks or movie moguls pimping out the same idea at the same time?? right now it's the lyrics theme on tv... but in the past I recall movies with natural disaster themes (Armageddon and the other meteor-crash movie...) Illusionist and the Prestige were out at the same time... Broke back mountain and "my husband goes away on gay fishing trips"... oh wait.. that was just the name of Mrs McGreevey's blog . and of course... tv. apprentice, martha's apprentice, hell's kitchen... same shit, different channel.

oh well.. I'd go on, but I have my own little re-occurring theme going on. Apparently, both kids are putting out their own spin of "I need your attention right NOW, mama!!"

...And down will come baby....

...changing table and all.



so let me preface this post by saying that he's ok.



long story short, Danny ended up head-first into his hamper last night, despite being buckled into his changing table. (I needed a clean onesie and his pjs, but because I just did laundry that day, they were in a basket in rhena's room, so I gave danny a toy, strapped his ass down into the changing pad, and headed to rhena's room for the change of clothes. as I was walking back to danny's room, I heard a sickening THUD. I discovered Danny head-first in his empty hamper, changing pad still on the table, strap still buckled shut.)

After I pulled him out, stripped him down to his diaper to check for broken or bruised anythings, I did cry for about an hour... him? maybe a minute, if that.


Overall, I am just completely exhausted today. from the emotional stress, to the physical wear and tear of not sleeping, because I was at his crib-side for any and all noises he made last night.

I am BEYOND thankful for his well being (not a scratch, bump or bruise!) , for Troy being the best husband and father EVER (not only did he take care of Rhena, but calmed MY hysterical ass down and not once tried to pull the 'how the fuck did you let THAT happen' card on me), for having a pediatrician as a friend and next-door neighbor (she gave danny a full exam and told me exactly how to monitor him throughout the evening) and just thankful in general because he is my precious baby Daniel, and I would just as soon have my own skin ripped off than to see him hurt in any way.


I'll be back to my regular bitching and moaning tomorrow. today I'm just going to be thankful. and you know... change Danny on the floor.

EASILY my favoritest picture ever

not sure if it's the "seriously.. I'm trying to poop here, mama! will you put that damn thing away" look she's giving me, or just the fact that her hair is pretty much its own life force, but I love love love this picture.

She is TOTALLY gonna hate me someday for this.....

PayPal-Baggers

Every once in a while, I think I have a good idea.


(anyone who really knows me will begin laughing at this point)


so my recent GRAND idea involved ebay. I'll admit that I'm a bit behind the times when it comes to ebay. I've never sold anything before, and I only bought something once, cause we needed an 80's style cassette player walkman to give away as a gag gift for a christmas social.... but ANYWAYS....

so Troy, being the computer dude that he is... had some extra copies of windows Vista and Office Ultimate kicking around.



(I'll give you a minute or two to check those links and see how much those bitches sell for)


did I mention he had an extra copy of each? did you SEE how much those bitches sell for?


so I'm all.. hell YEAH we're gonna sell them on ebay!! make money money money, MAKE money money!!!

(pardon me for the ghetto explosion.. coffee must be kicking in...)


So yeah.. to quote the Cranberries.... so I went ahead and started me an auction.



oooooh, stupid stupid me.


so the auction itself wasn't bad. I listed them for 7 days, and for 7 days I religiously (ok.. more like fiendishly... bordering on crack-addiction-like) checked their listings to see who was bidding and for how much. I answered questions as they came in! I was PLEASANT!!! look at me.. I'm so E-bay I could puke!!!


so finally the auctions end, and we get like $200 for one, and $250 for the other. SHA-WING! The idea alone almost eased the pain of the washer breaking and the landscaping we still have to buy for the financial adventure called our backyard.


So ok.. I send the software to the auction winners... and now it's time for me to collect the money from pay-pal.

oh.. I'm SORRY. did I say pay-PAL?? (close your eyes, kids...) more like Pay-asshole-motherfuckers-we're-gonna-put-a-limitation-on-your-account-and-make-you-squeeze-water-from-a-stone-and-donate-an-organ-before-we-release-your-account-to-REQUEST-that-you-receive-the-money-in-4 to 5 business days-that-has-now-been-sitting-stagnant-for-3-weeks?????

*sigh*


I just want my money.


at this point, I'm waiting for ANOTHER review of my account, cause there's still a limitation on it. (original limitation was put on because I had "unusually high activity". uh, HELLO? I just OPENED the damn account... I do 2 transactions, and that's unusually HIGH? well, uh, maybe compared to the ZERO activity I had before ACTIVATING the crap-assed thing!) SO it takes them 24-72 hours to review my account every time I call them. If I got the magic combination right this time, I will find out anywhere from 1-3 days from now, THEN I can apply to have my money transferred to my bank account, which takes 4-5 business days. but again.. that's if, and only IF... the limitations finally get lifted. if not, I'm back to square one again.




I wonder if, when all is said and done, I'll get a free t-shirt that says "dance, monkey, dance!!"


paypal-baggers!!!!

Creepy

ok... this is going to be another one of those "is it just me" posts.


so I was slopping some breakfast mush into danny this morning, while coming to life with the help of some coffee. Rhena was in the other room, watching some episode of Higglytown Heroes that even *I* can recite by heart for the amount of times she's seen it.

ANYWAYS.. I decided that it was a good time to go through yesterday's batch of coupons. I love me some coupons. ok, ok... what I REALLY love is when I have a coupon for an item that's being promoted for an in-store sale, so I get a discount on a discount. ok, ok... what I REALLY REALLY love is when the coupon is for less than a dollar off, too, cause my food store doubles those coupons. Did I ever tell you about the one time I got paid $0.35 for taking a box of macaroni and cheese home???? yeah... (and listen.. I KNOW it's pathetic that I get so excited about coupons, but it's not like I'm out on the party circuit, ya know... saving money makes me happy!!)

so yeah... I'm going through my coupons this week... flipping through the ads, imagining what a happy happy life I'll have if I just use such and such products. I imagine that my teeth will be THAT bright if I buy this toothpaste, and my period will be THAT MUCH less bloody if using those tampons. ok, sorry.. that was over the line, but since I'm making an aside... three cheers to P&G for only having one sheet of coupons on the weekend of Live Earth, as compared to the other coupon flyers that each had approximately 15-20 pages with one or two coupons per page. It probably wasn't their intent to save resources as much as it was their own decision to cut some costs in producing their coupons, but either way... I appreciate seeing less waste.


ok.. so back to creepy.

I saw an ad for this doll called Maya. It's one of those lifelike dolls. one of those creepy, lifelike, BABY dolls. The kind you see all over the crazy-lady's house in horror movies. you know.. one of THESE dolls.

is it me, or what? I mean... I just.. I dunno. I was trying, and I mean REALLY trying to think of a good reason to have one of these things. I got nothing.


Maybe you just need to have the collectible bone in you. I mean, let's face it.. there's people that collect things, and there's people who don't. I mean, I imagine on some levels each one of us has something that we feel warrants going out and purchasing or saving. But I'm still going to say that there's a big difference between someone keeping a memento (collecting concert ticket stubs, the corks from favorite bottles of wine, postcards from cities one has travelled to) and a person that likes something and goes out and obsessively purchases/obtains of a particular topic.

Having once been a teenager who spent every spare dollar on any article that emblazoned the images or likenesses of Duran Duran, INXS, and 'hot shirtless guys'... I do understand the aspect of really really liking something and just wanting to have A LOT of that particular item in your life. But shouldn't there be an age limit on when this type of obsession is no longer acceptable? or finally BECOMES acceptable again?

And I KNOW that there'll be some folks out there that will agree that the baby-dolls are creepy, but make sure they put away some extra cash for that longaberger basket they've been eyeing up, or star wars figurine, or christmas ornament. Hell... I'll admit it.. I do scour whatever place I'm visiting for a christmas ornament to remember the trip by. so maybe I'm a bit of a hypocrite.

But something about collecting life-like replicas of NEWBORNS just screams creepy. And more to the point.. what are these people DOING with them once they get them? glass cases? mock-nurseries? worse yet.. PLAYING with them? yeah... I gotta go with creepy.

oh well.. speaking of playing.. I have my own 'dolls' to attend to.