shit sandwich

so yesterday was one of those shit-sandwich kind of days... with really really good bread.


confused?


well, basically, the beginning and END of my yesterday was awesome... minor crap in the middle.


day started off with troy bringing me donuts. cause I said I was craving on. ask for one.. get 12!! how can I NOT love that man???

did some errands, got my back cracked, had some lunch. all good and dandy.

took rhena to the pool. this is where things were not nice.


I mean, the pool was fine and everything, but at one point, when time decided to stand still.. rhena slipped in the kiddie pool and fell backwards into the water.

during this millennium-long second, I saw her entire face, underwater.... looking up with fear. blue eyes WIDE open, as was her mouth, inhaling the water.

I hear no sound during this eternity; just her eyes getting bigger as she kept going backwards.

I finally saw my arms slowing snatching her out of the water and holding her like it was the first and last time I ever would.

If a person with no heart was timing us, everything probably happened in three seconds.. but to me... I have seen three years go by faster.


and it's true. I saw myself three years ago, planning my wedding to troy, our actual wedding day, our honeymoon, me going back to work, me quitting my job, me getting pregnant, and every minute of my life with rhena in it since her birth. all of those thoughts and memories crammed in the space between my arms and her tiny tiny precious perfect body... her tiny tiny precious perfect body underwater looking at me, unable to breathe.

Rhena was fine.. she didn't even cry.... coughed once or twice for effect, then was clamoring to be let back down for more splashing. again.. the whole falling, underwater, and me grabbing her took all of about three seconds... but I can honestly say I don't ever recall being so scared in my entire life.

we stayed at the pool for another hour or so.. then slowwwwly walked home (ole grey mare ain't what she used to be anymore). had a great evening together and with troy, and even spent some quality down-time with my girlfriends down the street.


oh yeah!! even had a PACKAGE waiting on the front step when we got home!!! full of FUN STUFF!! things! for me!!! but more on that another time.


so whatever. yesterday at the pool shook me up, but all in all... in a good way. It made me thankful for my diligent habits with rhena. what if I WASN'T watching her and soaking her cuteness in? who would have pulled her out of the water? It made me appreciate her life, her place in MY life, and even so much for me to appreciate the One Within. maybe sometimes it takes the idea of loss to remind you how good you have things.

I'd LIKE to think I don't need a lot of three-second-near-death experiences to remind me how generally fucking good my life is. I certainly don't go LOOKING for them to happen. But... the bottom line is that sometimes shit DOES happen.... and you can either bitch and moan about the shit, or enjoy the really really good bread it's served on.


have a great weekend, gang.

Definition of a Bizzle

so I know in the past, I've talked about my Twinkie before...


but tonight... well.. tonight is the kind of night that reminds me what a bizzle is.


Let's just say... on some chance... you have a friend that you keep missing online, haven't SPOKEN to in well over too many weeks, haven't SEEN in months, accidently forget-slash-get distracted from your IM conversation and forget to e-mail back to apologize or at least explain you did NOT just go throw up your last internal organ....

and she STILL calls you from her very very very favoritest band's concert with a great song playing in the background????


well, my friend.. if that happens.. you know you got yourself a bizzle.

Big Wimp

ok. I know you guys are sick of my bitching, but can i TELL YOU about the biggest son-of-a-fucker blisters I have on my pinky toes?????


THEY HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. now that THAT'S out of my system.....


I've been very busy this week. cleaning, errands, shopping, maintaining some shred of sanity... all taking up the ticks on my tock, if you catch my drift.


BUT... despite feeling a bit run down and out-of-the-loop with my favorite bizzles... I'm feeling accomplished.


all of the baby showers I have been invited to for our street of screams (I mean extremely fertile neighborhood) have been bought for, and wrapping supplies purchased.


birthday present for 4-yr old's b-day down the street this week? check!

shampoo purchased so I stop using rhena's hair wash? ditto. check and check (got conditioner, too)

food is in the fridge.

clean underwear are in my drawers. (hah.. that's kinda funny.. drawers... underwear... hah!)

restaurant is BOOKED for thing two's christening in December. booked booked booked!!! and I'm excited about the menu!

I even spoke with the CCD people today and confirmed that I will be teaching again next year.. minus a few weeks for popping out a child, that is! I'll be back in full force for 2nd grade. Now I'm just hoping my niece's first communion is not the same time as my class'. Cause she's my godchild, and I plan on going to her communion. I'd just hate to not be there for 'my kids'. but family's first.


ok. time to stuff my face. gotta keep the wheels turning afterall!

Resurface

hey all.


so I'm a few days late with my "posting tomorrow" promise.


Things are fine here; just been busy.


First off; went and saw GI Joe yesterday. actually it's GI Mark. or was it Brian? either way.... the appointment was lengthy, as I have a lonnnnng history of stomach issues that we discussed. When all was said and done, I walked out of there with permission to take one of my current pills TWO times a day instead of one. (for those keeping track, that's about 10 pills a day I'm taking now)

oh well. I know there's a potential end in sight, or at least that's what I'm banking on. Some jackass said something to the effect the other day about how a woman they know STILL had problems with nausea after her baby was born, but before they could finish, my hands were over my ears and I was singing LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ignoring whatever horrors they tried to tell me.

cause you know what? I ain't hearing it. I KNOW crazy shit happens all the time and people probably DO have long-term effects from pregnancy (other than children, that is).... but I'm just trying to get by right now, and do NOT need to hear about how things MIGHT or COULD be. I MIGHT be skinny again, too... but you don't see me planning on it. but I digress.


so yes. working towards November... pills in hands.... or in stomach, would be more appropriate, I guess.


In other news, I've begun wearing a pink band. My cousin Rachel sent me a bracelet in the mail the other day with a funny card. I forget how separately in tune we are at times. I had JUST been thinking last week that I want to buy some cancer-awareness band... or do SOMETHING that outwardly shows my support for her as she fights her battle, but I wasn't sure which one to get, as Rachel has cancer in more than just her breast. but not a day (maybe two?) after pondering that, I got a pink one from her in the mail.

SO. I'm wearing the band. currently around my ankle, cause it fits there nicely, but I imagine if I start to get the michelin-pregnancy bloat like many women do... I'll switch it to my wrist.

I thought I would talk today about my feelings about my cousin having cancer, but it turns out I can't. For quite a while now, I have been in a trance-like stupor (I suppose is the best description) and have been unable to fully articulate the depths of emotions and thoughts that I have that stem from a loved one going through what she's going through.

But then, I wonder... do I NEED TO? DO I really NEED to talk about how *I* feel? does it MATTER? I'm sure everyone has someone in their life that their heart is aching for in some way. and no matter the cause of suffering; be it addiction, cancer, death, infidelity, illness, infertility.. WHATEVER.... that does not make one suffering more 'worse' than another. Nor should one's heavy heart trump someone else's. at least that's what I think. I dunno.

and I guess that's what it boils down to. I don't know. I don't know how to properly express what's in my head and heart. I DON'T know how to be supportive enough for Rachel.

And let's face it... I'm no Johnny Cash. I'm not the man in black, and I lack the ability to write a song about why I do the things I do. shit.. I lack the ability to even BLOG about the things I do half the time!!!


BUT... I am a girl with a pink band. and that band has more than a reason or cause behind it... it has my heart behind it.


and JUST because I'm having a hard time closing this post; which is odd, because it's not like it's actually going anywhere.... I'm going to copy a poem by e e cummings that I read recently in the book "In Her Shoes"....


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)




love you, Rachie.....

Whole lotta love

just letting y'all know the Johnson Hiz-zouse is bouncin with love today.


I gots love for my cousin, who I'm going to blog about tomorrow.... for a new deli troy and I went to today... for a mocha mousse cake I ate for dessert, for our neighbors for inviting us to dinner tomorrow night, and of course for the boogster. can't forget Rhena. she was like six shades of adorable today, and all just melded into me remembering why I have this parasite inside of me. but more on that another day.


TODAY... my top notch-come-and-get-my-love-award goes to SUSIE. why? cause it's my bizzle's birthday!!!!


I'm sending her lots of love, and you should too. WHEN she gets off her she-THINKS-she-has-an-ass-but-her-shit-is-tiny-next-to-mine-ass and actually blogs, she's a great read. She's funny, she's insightful, poignant, and witty. She's a lot of other great stuff about her, too, but I don't want to give away all her secrets, cause then I'll have to get jealous that you'll be up her shit.


so no comments for me today.... go visit Susie and giver her some b-day loves. and while you're there.. Take the time to read some of her posts. you'll be glad you did.



happy birthday, bizzle!

XXOO

Thirteen Reasons

so has anyone seen the movie Thirteen?


Troy and I decided to have a movie-night last night, and we watched it.


To say it was disturbing for me to watch would be an understatement. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, the fact that I'm a parent, or the fact that I'm a parent of a GIRL, but watching this movie about a thirteen year old's journey into drugs, promiscuity and violence really hit home and more than often, made me weep quietly.


I don't want to give away too much of the movie, but I have to say I'm thankful that there are such raw and ugly movies out there that make me take pause. There was a part of the movie, towards the end, when the mother was kissing the main character's scabs and scars that made me outright bawl. I can't imagine Rhena ever feeling such little regard for herself that she would hurt herself in the ways portrayed in this movie. as a mother... a mother so very in love with a beautiful and innocent child such as rhena... I cried and cried.

because let's face it. there's going to be a day when rhena will be making her own choices. and sure, she does now, but not choices on whether to do drugs, to escape, to belittle herself sexually for anyone.

and I think back on my life, and there is NO WAY I would have done the shit these girls depicted in the movie were doing. Even in my 20's and 30's... I can't fathom doing some of the things these THIRTEEN year olds were doing. Those CHILDREN. those BABIES.

now that's not to say that all kids will be like that, but who's to say they CAN'T? What can troy and I do to prevent Rhena from venturing down such a dark dark road? What can we do to make her love herself so options like those would be out of the question?


and more importantly... even if she makes it through her teenage years without becoming a drug-addict-whore of some sorts (either totally or in part)... will our love and examples be enough to get her through her twenties? through her life?

I look at some of my behavior in MY twenties, and will it was G-rated compared to this movie, I'm sure in many ways, my parents would be literally crushed inside if they knew what I did. and then I look at the behaviors of some of my friends. how would THEIR parents feel if they knew what really was going on? I imagine not so great, because I look sometimes through the eyes of a parent and ruefully wonder "what if it was Rhena?"

Parenting is not easy. soon-to-be-birthday girl Susie was just talking the other day of getting through the onset of 2-year old independence. Admittedly, this age is tough. I'm feeling the toughness on a daily basis most times. But yet.. holy shit... the idea of the future scares me even more!

I definitely give credit to my parents for giving me as much freedoms as they did. I mean.. how did they know I wouldn't fuck it all up? And I *want* to let Rhena have the independence and ability to think for herself like I was allowed to growing up... but holy worry-warts, batman; movies like Thirteen kinda scare the shit out of me.

oh well. one day at a time, right? In the meantime.. hats off to the parents of older 'kids' out there. whether your child is 13 or 35, I'm beginning to see that in many ways, Rhena turning two is going to be a walk in the park.

Feeling Blunt

So I've been listening to the james blunt cd a lot lately. A LOT.

It's good. not great-oh-my-god-everyone-should-go-buy-this-good..... but good. I'm feeling it. (yes, I know it's well over a year old.. I'm just getting around to it now)

however.. one of the side effects, I must admit.. is it's REALLY making me miss Grey's anatomy. I know... weird, right? there's a number of songs on the cd that make me think of the show... and this shit-hot weather and that music is REALLY making me look forward to fall.


so what else?


I bombed in bunco last night... I was doing REALLY well... on my way to winning some serious cash, then whammo.... I got on a losing streak. bleh. so no money for momma. snacks were VERY good. and mmmm... there was a cheesecake. mmmmm.... cheesecake.

had my 24 week appointment today. Anyone want to atke a wager on how much weight I gained???

EIGHT POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!


I know, I know... crazy! that's TWO pounds a week since the last visit!!! textbooks say I'm supposed to be gaining at a rate of one-pound a week right now, so I asked the doc if I should be worried. since as of last appointment I was still down two pounds overall, he said he was not worried, rather pleased with my progress, and that my body was making up for lost time, and doing what it needed to do. Overall weight gain at this point is 6 pounds.

we also discussed the pukemaster 2000 regime I've been having. long story short, I am being referred to a GI specialist now. Doc says that while it may just be possible that I'm having a suck-ass time because of the pregnancy, he doesn't want anything major to be overlooked. so me and GI Joe should be getting it on within a week or so. I really won't have more info until then about that... so we shall see what happens. I'm pleased with the go-forward plans. or at least until the next time I puke, then I'll be cursing the daylights out of everyone again... ;)


ok. That's really about all. thank you all for the well wishes, both with bunco (it's a dice game, btw, Liza!!!) and the baby. all is much appreciated.


ok again, ok. rhena has one of the new phones that I bought today, so I ought to go intercept her before it gets lost, or she calls china. or she calls china THEN loses the phone. cause that would be bad.


have a good night, all!

Enchisnottas

yeah. another day, another box of tissues.


this stupid stupid cold is running its course. My throat hurts, though not as much as it did this weekend. The only real fun lately is that my left nostril has been the mad producer of snot lately, while the right nostril seems to be a bloody mess every time I blow.

I'm so hot, I could totally date myself. not.


So the good news is that tonight is BUNCO night! whe-hoo! a night out of my house, gossiping and eating other people's food! The hostess lives right next door, so the even better news is that if I eat too much, it's only one door away from throwing up in my own toilets.

Though I MUST SAY... if/when I get to the point of wanting/needing to throw up, I seem to produce much quicker when using someone else's toilet. somehow envisioning my face where my neighbors take a shit always helps get the juices going. and forget public toilets. if I so even as much as come eye-to-eye with the flusher, I'm puking for sure.

then again.. this is not to say that thinking of TROY taking a shit doesn't help me throw up any slower. Love him I might... but he does have a nasty ass.

but I digress. all this potty-mouthing just reminds me that tonight is chicken enchilada night. I figured since I was getting a night out with the girlies, that I'd let troy pick what I'd make for dinner tonight. OF COURSE he picked enchiladas. which is fine. it's been a while since I made them, and I'm actually hoping that the extra 'kick' of seasonings might be able to break through the snot-barrier taste-indifference I've been having since the weekend.

but then, of course.. I start to wonder if it's such a good idea to be eating something spicy when I'm still having the puking issues. which then, OF COURSE, makes me think that maybe the enchiladas may help me finally poop a nice log, instead of the popcorny pebble-shits I've been having like FOREVER.

poop or puke? puke or poop? I *AM* faced with such dilemmas here in preggo-ville, aren't I?

in other news... I'm off to see the chiropractor again today. I went yesterday, and did not get any cracks. My main goal is to get some more mobility in my back.. or increase my range of motion again. I've noticed it's really decreased since getting pg, so I'm hoping cracker-man can loosen me up and teach me some new stretches so I can remain semi-flexible for the next 3 1/2 months. A good ole-fashioned-make-my-ears-tingle-back-crack would also be swell, but first things first.


and as if you really care what else is going on... I'll tell you I have another appointment tomorrow for baby-stuff. I *DO* plan on discussing what in hell is up with the meds/me still puking regime I have going on. also hoping to see a weight gain from last month. As of week 20, I was still down 2 pounds. I'm positive I have put on a good 5 pounds or more since last month, what with the carbs-are-my-friends diet I've been following lately. so we'll see.

of course, the biggest thing is that I hear that the baby's all coozy-shmoozy inside, and there's no health issues for either of us. cause as much as I bitch about everything, especially this damn stupid stupid cold and the puking... all that matters is that Thing 2 is doing well.

so I'll keep you posted!

oh, and wish me luck in Bunco tonight... The worst case is that I'm out $5, but hey.. I could be a big winner and come home with $20! c'monnnnn big money!

Fun with numbers

yeah... so this is what happens when my nose is stuffy and I can't sleep.

First off.. I apologize for my extremely WHITE belly you're about to see below. it's obvious I was using Estee Lauder's self-tanner on my belly when I was PG with rhena. This year? not so much.

anyways, I thought it would be fun to do a side-by side comparison from when I was preggo with rhena and this round of being knocked up. the angles are a little off, but you get the idea.

I suppose I should be slightly alarmed that I held on to the same clothes for two years... goes to show just how much shopping I do.. yeah right!

oh well... the next 'compare' should be at around 27 weeks... I'll try to actually get it during the same week next go-around.

Pee Pee Puke

now before my mom (and all you other 'moms' out there for that matter) start freaking out....


I ought to tell you that this is NOT about me throwing up again. In fact... I did NOT puke today. hooray!


I DID, however, make some chicken soup... and when I asked Rhena if she wanted to help me make the soup... she promptly replied,

"Pee Pee Puke"


*snicker*

I love that kid. Granted.. anyone else listening to her will think she has an obsession with bodily functions... but *we* know she's just my little boogie, and likes her some chicken soup.

The Sick House

ug.. welcome to the terror dome.


Troy is having stomach issues.


Me? well, I THOUGHT my throat was sore from throwing up yesterday, but it was sore all through the night and still now this morning. lovely.


Rhena? god bless her, she's doing fine.


speaking of blessing.. gotta get ready for church so we can pray that rhena doesn't get sick, too.


have a great day, gang. ours is going to be a very lazy one in these parts.

Hurricane Rhena

do you ever have those days that you feel like you're walking in the wake of a mini hurricane?


like no matter what you do or where you go, shit is all jacked up???


today is one of those days for me.. or at least started off being so.


boogie woke up this morning, and when I went in to get her... her face was covered in dried blood. blood on her pj's, blood on the sheets. blood on the blankets, blood on Mr. Pink. SO I stripped her crib (mind you I'm NOT going to even elaborate on how REDONKULOUS (three levels worse than ridiculous, by-the-by) I looked breaking a sweat trying to get that stupid-ass mattress out of the crib when it was hooked on the metal spring supports and then got stuck on the bumper, and did I tell you the angle I was trying to pull all of this shit out hurt like a SONOFABITCH on my uterus and did I mention changing her crib sheets makes me sweat? I HATE SWEATING!!!!)

so I take the sheets to the laundry room and holy mildew batman... SOMEONE (cough cough troy cough cough) forgot to switch the clothes into the dryer, so the clothes in the washer were more funky than George Clinton. which means they needed to be rewashed, which means sheets would have to wait.

so after THAT mess was taken care of, there was the downstairs edition of "what in hell did troy make himself for breakfast and why oh why is every inch of the counter covered with something" game that I just LOVE playing. fast forward (with a number of milk spills in between) about 2 hours later, and rhena's cuddling up on me sucking her thumb. ok.. I can dig it.. child wants to nap!

so I lay her down in the stripped crib, after, of course, setting up a make-shift sheet/blanket combo that would be suitable for princess tired-ass.

what? did I say tired? cause it would so happen that as SOON as I closed the door, she started in on a half-hour long operetta of whelps, barks, screams and blasting off.

*sigh*

ok, fine. so I get her, and it turns out, she wasn't tired.. she wanted to crap. and THAT she did. ALL OVER HER ASS. that motherfucker was so nasty, I knew I needed a shower just after changing her, so that's what I did. Got rhena all squared away, and popped in the shower.

just as I was shutting the water off... rhena comes zipping around the corner looking slightly blue, saying 'uh-oh' and smelling of pina colada. Turns out she had found one of troy's FULL canisters of Bed Head Manipulator, and decided to spread the love. all over.

once again, I'll spare you the intimate details, but let's just say I will have the most full-bodied carpet with a strong-all-day-hold in pretty much all of north carolina. and that's AFTER the 20-minute clean-up job.

did I MENTION this shit smells like a tropical drink which I was really really wishing I was able to guzzle??? but alas.. no alcohol for mama... must not deform the one within.

a few games of chase-rhena-cause-it's-fun-watching-mommy-sweat-today later, and we were finally on our way to see "DAHYEE" so we three could have lunch.

now we're back home again, and boogie-two-shoes is fast asleep. lots of stuff still needs to be done around here... like the laundry, and finding the counter tops again.... but I think that can wait til my little moosh can 'help' me. right now I'm enjoying the quiet after the storm, and if I can just get the one within to stop kicking the ever-loving piss out of me.. I may even take a small nap.


happy friday, gang. watch out for hurricanes!

Superhams Return

no... this is not a spoof on the newest Superman movie... nor is it my newest idea for a porn title.


this is, indeed.. my truth.


why?


because I'm hitting that stage of the pregnancy where my boobs are getting LARGER.


yes.... you may or may not remember the hams... depending on your level of testosterone, that is. but alas... as much as I thought I could fight them this time around... the jugs be a fillin'. and filling and spilling they are. like everywhere.


i swear last night I went to bed, took off my bra and thought I had two cantaloupes hiding under my tank top. MELONS, I tell you!


I mean, I'm not shocked.. I KNEW this would happen... (at least eventually when the milk came in) I guess it's just cause with Rhena, my boobs exploded on the scene like the MINUTE I got pregnant, and now, here we are.. more than halfway through, and they've decided to kick off the reunion tour.


The former victoria's secret employee in me wants to bust out the tape measure (get it?? BUST out??? oh... I really do slay!) and see how big they've gotten... but the cheap realistic-parachute-sized-bra-fearing girl in me feels ignorance might just be bliss. Besides... doesn't the 4-boob syndrome look hot with the 80's retro layered daft punk look all the stores are sporting these days?

(ps.. if I EVER, and I mean EVER start sporting four boobs or show up somewhere looking like Pat Benetar.. SOMEONE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE shoot me!!) (well, unless, of course, we're hosting a white-trash or 80's themed social... in which case the 4-boobs look would be SO rockin, and/or me and david bowie can get jiggy, so please don't shoot me in my own house.. that would be just plain rude.)


I digress. sadly, my boobs have NOT... which is my spot today, though.

I *imagine* it might just might have to do with all the bagels I've been eating. and the pasta. and rice. and other bland starchy foods that aren't as harsh when being regurgitated, that is. they should be called carb-OH-MY-drates... cause again... the rack is back.


and for all you mosquito-biters out there that are thinking I should quit my bitching, and how you'd just give whatever to get some ham thrown your way... just remember it's not your back breaking under the pressure of boulder mountain above your belly-donut.

In other news... I had to turn word verification back on... I've been getting a long run of spammage lately, so back to the "qdzzles" to be able to post your comments. I know it's a pain in the ass, so I apologize. I appreciate the comments from my readers, though... (and not the penis-enlargement-house-broker ads (yes.. I DO get spammage like that.) (no.... I have no idea why in hell I want a large penis house either...))


so yeah. letter verification is back on for the time being.


in GOOD news... I'm going to be acquiring some books soon. I found links to two old books that i had when I was growing up, and I am fucking STOKED about getting them again. I'm not posting links or saying names because these books are out of print, so I need to buy them from a third-party seller, and I don't want any penis-enlarging real estate agent to come in and snatch up my books before I can. no sirree, bob.... I'll post more after they're in my grubby little hands!

all I can say is that one is about beans and another is about trees, and I'm going to pay too much money for them. The only people who MIGHT guess my books are my mom, dad, or brother... cause they were pretty obscure even back then. but I LOVED them. love love loved them. and they're going to be mine. mine mine mine.


I'll also be ordering "The Snowy Day" for rhena and thing 2. CLASSIC book. I saw it mentioned in a magazine the other day, and I remembered it instantly. not so much the story itself (the book probably sucks for all I know) but I do remember sitting on our back porch when it was balls-ass hot out, reading this story. (yes, I know it's a winter book, but you can still read shit in the summer, smart-ass!) I definitely remember the illustrations.

perhaps I'm trying to zone-in on Rhena's head and get her books that she'll remember some thirty years down the road. because that would be cool. to think that someday rhena will remember reading books with me and hopefully want to share those books with HER children (should she choose to go down that road, cause if she doesn't I'm TOTALLY cool with that as well) And then there's the part of me that knows that I WAS a happy kid, and I want to share that with her, too.


so yeah. books are coming. In the meantime, she seems perfectly happy to have Boo-Boo-Pea read to her over and over again... and that in itself will be something *I* will remember another 30 years down the road.

Day late and a box short

ok.. I don't know it this counts for being more interesting, but *I* always like hearing myself bitch.. so hear goes nothing.

our garbage men. and women. even the halfsies.... are on my NERVES.


but I should be more specific. The garbage service has been fine enough. every week we get our green monster emptied, so I can fill it with more and more odorriffic diapers from rhena. ew.. and rotten discarded food in summer heat. good lord.. no wonder I'm puking so much!

anyways.. no major complaints with those folks cause our shit (literally) gets picked up each week. the time is never the same throughout the day, but hey.. more power to them; they want to mix up their day by changing the route every week??? rock on, my friends.... as long as they keep taking my crap away, I'm happy.

however.. the recycling crew is past my last nerve. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are they making it so difficult for me to RECYCLE??? TWO weeks ago, they never picked up the recycles. and our shit was FULL that week. so I started an extra box of recycles, because the original bin was overflowing.

well last week they finally came, and thankfully they took everything. but THIS week... they didn't show up again!! WTF!!! Now... I know I'm not always the most in-tune person, but we DO get the news here under my cozy little rock I've been under, and there has been no talks of sanitation strikes in the area. now town announcements saying we're changing the pick-up schedule. nothing.

(ps.. I'm a LOT more irritated about this than I'm conveying; I just happen to be mowing down some Vermonty Python ice cream while typing.. and how can you really be THAT mad when you have so much happiness in your mouth???)


anyways.. they finally came just a little while ago, but did NOT pick up the large box I had broken down and placed next to my recycle bin. I guess if it's not officially IN the green container, and they're not a week late, they refuse to take anything else. asswipes.


and I mean that nicely, but seriously... if I'm going to recycle, then I'm going to recycle. just somebody fucking let me DO IT, you know?

oh well. I'll try chopping up the box into SMALLER pieces for next week, and maybe if they're stacked on TOP of the green bin they'll get taken.

speaking of taken.. I had to put the ice cream away. I think I ate half a pint just now. and as good as it is... why tempt the spirits of my digestive tract into giving me more to purge?


oh, and speaking of PURGE.. I may as well purge my soul with yet another way of how I'm a bad mother. I put rhena down for her nap early because she was being a total pill. when I just came in from recycle-a-go-no, I saw that she indeed was NOT "all done" with her waffle earlier this morning... and had merely emptied the contents of her special morning waffle-bag on the front steps. yup. pretty much the whole thing. right there. on the steps. not in the baggie. cause the baggie was given to me a few hours earlier with the proclamation that she was "all done!" and thrown away, of course. (but not recycled, cause the bin was outside not being picked up, you see)


so perhaps her incessant crying was NOT because she was tired full and cranky and needing a nap... rather hungry and pissed off that her asshole mommy who was too consumed with doing chores, bitching about the recycles and eating ice cream.... put her to bed hungry.


I really do suck at this sometimes.

Walk in the clouds

ok.. so it wasn't even cloudy, but boogie and I went for a walk this morning.


took a few pictures.... and up until she started getting cranky... we had a good time.


other than that.. I finally changed the looks of this place. note the pills to go along with my NEW medical regime.... yesterday the doc prescribed yet another pill to help me stop puking; I'm currently taking about 9 total doses of four different meds each day. we'll see if this one does any good.


last night Troy and his friend installed our ceiling fan, which has been sitting on my dining room table for about 3 months now. (or at least two....) I'm digging it... it has a remote!


well, I spent rhena's nap working on the template, and now she's awake and ready to eat, so that's what I suppose we shall do.


perhaps I will actually write something interesting tomorrow. (perhaps)

Did you know?

did you know that even CLEAR puke can smell and taste horribly?


it's true.



that's all for now. I'm exhausted today.

HBD Mom

that would be Happy Birthday, Mom.


Today is my mom's birthday. we were lucky enough to see her last week and not only enjoy her company, but also over-expose her to rhena. And we went out to dinner to celebrate, too, but who's keeping track?


today also happens to be my girlfriend Renee's birthday. She lives in Seattle. I called her, naturally.. to wish her a happy birthday, and we were able to get caught up for about a half hour. she was busy, and I didn't want to talk TOO long, but we had some catching up to do.

for starters... I told her I was pregnant.


I'm so embarrassed at how many of my FRIENDS don't know I'm pregnant. there's a handful or two that read my blog, and since I came out a few weeks ago, they may have learned of my hidden castaway... but GOOD friends that I love still have no idea about me being knocked up.

I really have no good reason; I mean sure.. LIFE has been in the way, and that nagging puke thing keeps happening... but really. I take the time to update this blog every so often.. you'd think I'd take the minute to e-mail or call some friends.

wait... wasn't I just yelling at myself about this a few weeks ago? yeah... I was. shame on me.

I DID end up getting caught up with that girl "CC" from high school the other day. if you count getting caught up as her e-mailing me (btw, I was right.. she's like super smart and got a masters in like nueroscience and shit...) and then me e-mailing her back saying how I change diapers every day.

actually, we haven't spoken SINCE high school, so I was able to jazz up my life story with tales from college, seattle and reno. not that my life now isn't exciting.. because in so many ways it is, and I'm enjoying the hell out of it... it just seems low-key compared to all the shit I did just a handful of years ago.

but again. that's just how I see shit. if you asked me a few years ago when I was handling multi-million dollar projects for amazon and boeing.. I probably would have said it was the same shit, different day as well. in fact.. I KNOW I would have said that, cause I actually HAVE said that in the past. I know full well there's plenty of folk out there that can not and WILL not handle being a SAHM, and perhaps in someone else's eyes, what I accomplish on a daily basis can be considered nothing short of admirable. perspective. all about perspective.

but I'm happy in my current flight pattern.. even when the skies are turbulent (threw in the airplane references as a throwback and nod to the degree in aircraft engineering... I'm so savvy, huh?)

so anyways... I'm still way behind in getting caught up with friends. I finally spoke with my cousin.. (ok.. exchanged e-mails) and I'm actually due to check in on her soon to see how things are going. Now I have Renee crossed off my list. of course, that still leaves Debbie (who probably thinks I'm the biggest jackass cause I haven't returned her calls or e-mailed me or anything... in fact I ought to e-mail her tonight. not now, though, cause rhena's waking up from a nap) Melissa, Marilyn, Katia, Patricia, Megan, and Lyndon, to name a few...


bleh. oh, and I didn't forget about the winners of cze-bingo and my 800 friends who just had babies in the past 3 months... I have packages and cards and all sorts of good shit to send out. And Susie's b-day is coming up, too. can NOT be late with her... she's my bitch and takes care of me. I refuse to let THAT one get off track.

anyways. time to get my derailed ass in gear and take care of the babe. speaking of derailed.. anyone seen the documentary called Dark Days? it's about the people who live in the tunnels of the trains in NYC? interesting shit that makes you think, lemmee tell you. always good to check out how some other folks live and make you realize that life is indeed good.

so spread the word that life is good, and while you're at it... mind telling my friends for me? they really do deserve a phone call....


happy birthday again to my mom. she is living proof that even Trolls can give birth to goodness. love you!

Paging Ben Dover... Mr. Ben Dover, please

dude... I KNOW y'all have been waiting at the edge of your seats for the fart story, haven't you?

It's ok... no need to lie about it. I mean, shit. let's face it, by the very nature that brings to you read my blog, there within you lies a beast that enjoys a good fart story now and then. You'd probably even get a giggle or two (once you stop gagging, that is) from this golden oldie....


but to be honest... the fart story which I'm personally still laughing about probably isn't as funny to someone who wasn't there. (Plus, the Fartress in this case is my mom, and she'll kick my ass and not buy any more presents for Rhena if I sell her out like that)


So anticipating that the best reaction I might get out of y'all is a "hah" or a "hee"... I'm going to not embellish this time. I DO promise to let y'all know if I accidentally fart in my next obgyn appointment when the doc has their entire ARM up my crotch checking on the baby.

and I still fear the shitting-while-giving-birth stories. Luckily, I never dilated past 6cm, so there was no pushing to be had with Rhena.... they just cut her out. with Thing 2, I'm going to attempt to actually pass it through my tidget. (ATTEMPT, people... no promises!)

But due tot he fact that this next kid is NOT a first born, (and by Czernikowski family logic, only the first borns are the favorite) and I AM going to try to go old school with the delivery (as old school as you can get with the maximum amount of drugs allowable, that is)... and well, I just fear the Czernikowski Prophecy that second borns get shit on.

I REALLY don't want to shit on this kid. Which... I suppose is silly... I mean.. kids have no qualms about shitting on ME..... I know Rhena never had a problem with sharing the shoots with me.... on me.... BLEGH!

but still. not wanting to shit on the next one, which means it'll probably happen. AFter all.. my mom's maiden name is Murphy, ya know.


Did I have a point to this post? hell if I know.


Parental visit was good, though. really low key, cause it was freaking HOT outside. But we enjoyed each other's company, I think. I don't recall any fights, though daddy DID get in trouble once or twice.

We went out to dinner to pre-celebrate my mom's birthday (it's actually tomorrow), and one night, mom and dad took over the bedtime routine so Troy and I could go see a movie.

In a THEATER.

AT NIGHT.


IN PUBLIC!



It was cool. We saw Superman Returns, and I have to say that I enjoyed it. Granted, I could be biased, cause I was in the zone of apply-it-yourself-imitation-butter-scented-oil on my popcorn and everything.. and you know.. the whole in public at night with no kid thing had me on the verge of euphoric as well.

But Supey was pretty bad-ass in this movie. I told Troy he needs to get a cape. I know it was in the tizzy of the movie that I said such a thing, but I'm afraid he just might. Then again.. that could make for something FAR better than a fart story!


I'm pissed that we have to wait til MAY of NEXT YEAR to see the next spiderman movie, but I guess that'll be about right when I'm due to see another movie in public. *sigh* I'm such a jet-setter!


but again.. the visit was good. mom and dad spoiled rhena, and did their best to take care of me and troy while they were at it. I'm looking forward to the next visit already.

ok. speaking of ben dover.... I attempted to make Kenny look pretty today, and failed miserably. so now I need to find the nail polish remover and either re-paint him, or just hang my head in misery that my feet will never ever be pretty.


have a great weekend, everyone!

room to grow

today has been a busy day.


Rhena has been up my ass like a lightbulb in pakistan... but this too shall pass. I keep telling myself growth spurt, growing pains.. something... anything just to remind myself that her temperment today will soon pass.


ask my folks and they'll say she's cranky cause she misses them, I'm sure... but today... even a little bit of Prep H won't get her off my ass.


in the in-between times, I've been collecting data so I can draw out the plans to have this deck extended... we are wanting to get approval from our homeowner's association (read controlling "bastards that make everything difficult" association).

so in between cleaning, collecting data, e-mailing troy to see if he can get me a copy of autoCAD, keeping rhena at bay and pissing every three minutes.... I remembered that I'll be exactly 4 months away from my 'due date' tomorrow. that's calendar months, gang.. not the crazy lunar pregnancy weeks or fetal time or however the hell people keep track of their growing parasites. plain and simple... I'm due Nov 7th (so they say) and tomorrow is JULY 7th, which means 4 months to go before I can get really bitchy up in here (cause you KNOW this kid is gonna be late....)


so I took a few pictures.

mind the fact I TOTALLY cut off my head and spared you my flabby arms in most pics. I may be busy and look like ass today, but I still have some shred of pride left, and refuse to post pictures that show my arms looking like jello on limbs. and rest assured... I DO still have both arms as well as my head. though the head part may be questionable some days.


I'm pretty happy with my belly growth so far... I really think I'm showing now, and yet thankfully not showing like a tank on a picnic table. I'm sure all the puking I did in May and June has kept me from getting to be a sideshow freak of weight... but I carried the same with rhena size-wise, so I know the days where I can only wear maternity clothes are coming. I'm just a late bloomer, I guess.

anyways... here is Me, hosting Thing 2, at 5 months (22 weeks for the preggo counters):




the headless mommy

crouching mommy, hidden baby

full frontal, with my arm as a bonus!

so again... all is well, and Thing 2 is just cooking right along. I have begun to be able to see the back wall of my belly-button again, so I wonder how long it will be before there's no indent left at all. I give it about 5 more weeks.

ok. that's all the time I have right now. the parental recap is still coming; perhaps tomorrow. highlights include going out to eat, a few accidental farts and me going to a MOVIE!!! (first time since december 1st!!! (the movie, that is.. not the farting...) ) exciting shit, gang... you don't want to miss it!

peace ouuuuuut!

Remember THIS place?

being that I was on a roll with remembering high school yesterday.... I thought I would dust off the old photoblog and add some pictures that WEREN'T just a profile picture, background or header for a new template.


speaking of templates... anyone have a suggestion for what the digs should look like this month? I'm feeling uninspired! No need to do any work... just pick a topic/theme ( like pizza, dogs wearing clothes, a certain color, etc. ) and I'll do the work.


speaking of work... Rhena is calling. a recap post of the parents' visit to come shortly.

enjoy the pics!

Boogie; sporting the ratty pool-hair.....

independence

hey gang. hope the fourth day of the seventh month has been good to you.

So I imagine that the 4th of July means different things to different people, and whether those different things to different people run of the patriotic vein or not... today definitely makes me be cognizant of independence. I mean.. Makes sense.. independence day and all, right?


anyways... blahbitty blah.


haven't blogged since last week, cause the folks have been in town. It's funny.. or not funny funny as in funny like a clown (although clowns are pretty freaky to me, but just quoting from goodfellas)

ANYWAY... I find it funny that I have spent my whole life trying to claim my independence from my folks, and now... one or two (or 20 or so) years later.. I'm just trying to enjoy them.

now before you go off thinking they're gonna die or anything.. all seems to be well with the parentals. sure, mom's knees pretty much suck for her... but they're pretty vibrant and I doubt they'll be pushing daisies anytime soon.

but I was just thinking today, on our country's day of celebrating independence... that it's no longer my main priority in life to prove to everyone how I'm my own person. Every once in a while I even catch myself taking pause to reference from whom and where I came from. again... far cry from my staunchly independent self just a few moons ago.


so yeah.. been thinking about that kind of stuff today, and out of nowhere, I get an e-mail (today) from a girl I went to high school with. I'm going to call her CC.... simply cause I don't think it's cool to use other people's real and full names on my blog without their knowledge. Turns out she chanced upon my blog, and she took time to send me an e-mail. Now, I suppose that's not anything shocking or spectacular... my maiden name is czernikowski, and I imagine I'm quite easy to find on the web if you can string those 12 letters in the right combination.

The particular point to my verbal spew tonight is that CC is one of those people from high school you just never forget.

everyone can remember SOMEONE from high school. whether because they were pretty, or fat, or funny, or the biggest dork, or the biggest whatever... there will always be individuals that stick in your head, regardless of how long it's been since you were in high school, or whether or not you kept in touch.

CC was one of those people for me. Now before y'all go assuming she has a third eye or walked like a farm animal or some other weird characteristic (cause let's face it, that's the kind of shit NO ONE can forget. sorry to disappoint; she was and still is, I imagine... a very lovely young woman. nothing crazy to make her stick out, I swear!!)... I remember her because one day... very close to graduation, in our second period advanced English class... I was a very opinionated bitch to her, and I think I hurt her feelings.


so let's set the stage. a few of us were talking about what we were going to do after graduation (meaning college and career paths, etc) and CC or someone else said something to the effect of missing everyone from high school. I, ever being the bitch I can be... coldly said something to the effect of not thinking I'll miss anyone because the only thing we had in common was that we were born in the same town. I remember CC looking as if she were personally struck that I said such a thing.

now.. the mind.. Especially one like mine which has done my fair share of killing brain cells.. tends to distort memories and reshape in such a way that often we remember things the way we want to remember them. SO taking what I say with a grain of salt... just understand that this is how I remember how shit went down.


some 15 years later, I still remember that conversation. again.. not verbatim, but yet... it has stuck with me all these years because it is the truth. It was how I felt at the time, how I felt through college, and pretty much how I feel now, some what.. 15 years later?

BUT... and here's the rub.... the statement I made was absolute and cold. I have since learned SOME tact (ability to EXERCISE aforementioned skill still may be not my strong suit... but I have nonetheless learned about it). AND.... all these years later... I see my younger self and my younger peers with different eyes.

Perhaps I DID have more in common with my schoolmates than I brazenly avoided giving them credit for. I mean.. we were all essentially a bunch of stupid kids on the verge of trying to figure out our lives. We shared... whether or not we knew it.. the same anxieties of the opposite sex, our own successes and what the future would hold.

But I was too hell-bent on declaring my independence (and good riddance) to anything and everything Sayreville (yes.. to this day, I'm still not a huge bon-jovi fan for that reason.. I simply declared his music as CRAP many years ago, and never thought to give it much of a chance) anyways.. too hell bent on declaring independence to think about MISSING anyone.

Don't read me wrong, gang... this is not a blog in which I profoundly say I did it all wrong and want to go back.... I LOVE my life. I'm SO HAPPY with who I am and where I am that I can't possibly believe that the path which has brought me here can be anything BUT the right path. And to be perfectly honest... I DIDN'T miss anyone. I've never had a desire to go to a class reunion, and have never uttered the phrase "I wish I could do it again."


FUCK THAT. But still... I'm a little older (wiser? softer?) now... and the last chamber of my heart that still beats warm blood recognizes that there WERE good people that I went to high school with, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't just SLIGHTLY curious of what has become of everyone. I AM curious of what CC has done in her life. I see her as a doctor of some type. she was always very smart, and had a quiet friendly calm about her... I see that translating into good bedside manner.


but whatever. I ramble.



CC's note was an interesting surprise for me today, and reminded me how I learned that day that even when going forward, you don't need to be a bitch to the ones you're leaving behind. of course I never admitted that out loud until tonight, but somehow the feeling I got after that conversation that day always sat in the back of my brain whispering "you don't have to be such a bitch about it, Carrie!!" as I forged ahead with my independence.

now I'm not saying I've always been nice... cause you KNOW my ass is still bitch royale on wheels..... but I do try to not burn any bridges... so to speak.


so anyways. that's my ramble for tonight. I'm proud to say I'm an independent woman. YESSSS, I'm also co-dependent..... I'm married, and I no longer have a professional money-paying job, my parents still do SO MUCH for me, etc etc...... but I firmly believe I am still independent. The funny thing is that I always have been a little bit of both my whole life. I just didn't realize that it was possible until just a few years ago. I guess it's better late than never, huh?


Happy independence day, gang.... may your freedoms ring loud and clear.