Fat Tuesday

whe-hoo!! Fat Tuesday!!!! party your ass off!!!

well... here we are, on the verge of another Lenten Season.


Lent usually makes people (read: Catholics) groan and sigh as they recount all that they're 'giving up' this year.

I'm not too far off that path myself.


Last night, I was teaching my CCD class, and we talked about Lent. Actually, I remembered this wednesday was Ash Wednesday this past Saturday, because Troy and I are trying to make plans to go out to dinner to make up for all the bitch-ass hours he's been working lately. The original plan was that his work buddy and his wife, Troy and I would go out this wednesday, but then I'm like... ooooooh NO! I'm not having the CEO pay for my dinner on Ash Wednesday! we need to wait a week so I can get a real damn dinner out of it!

so anyways... we were talking about Lent last night, and it dawned on me that I have no idea what I'm going to do for this Lenten Season. as of 10 this morning, I'm thinking no drinking and no fast food, and maybe no desserts.... which is DOABLE, but if next month's pms is anything like this one was... I could be biting off more than I can chew.

I don't know. I still have another day at least.

In the meantime, I feel compelled to REALLY celebrate Fat Tuesday and eat and drink as much crap as possible today. Just in case I go the high road tomorrow. plus I think better after I've been drinking, so I might really be able to hone in on the Lent thing after I sit down with a bottle of vino.


of course I could always start trying to be NICER, or use less curses.... but with all the single-parenting I've been doing lately, I don't know if that's possible. (did I MENTION Troy worked until 2:52 am last night??? yeah.. and back to work by 8am. oh well.. those five hours were QUALITY hours together, lemme tell you! nothing says married love like hearing your man snore and fart in his sleep for 5 hours as you lay awake just wanting SOMEONE to talk to. That can use complete sentences, and doesn't call everything 'baaahhhl' and always say "mowah" and "HI!", that is.)


but I digress.

tomorrow Lent begins, and that means we're getting close to Easter, which means that both my folks and Troy's folks will be visiting us. and I'm a few weeks away from my trip to DC. (hmm... perhaps I SHOULD re-think the no-drinking thing!)


Yesterday was my friend Jenni's birthday.... I meant to say something, but I got all caught up in posting the RULES to the Cze-bingo that I forgot to mention it. So Happy Birthday, Jenni!


In other birthday news... my Grandmother (my mom's mom) turned EIGHTY NINE on Sunday. Eighty fucking nine! phew! I called her, and we talked for about 15 or 20 minutes. She can be a staunchy old bag, but after 89 years on this planet.. who can blame her???

Today is the birthday of Katy (who just found out last week that she's having a girl!) and my dear sweet friend's oldest son, Jack. He was born on the day of the big earthquake in Seattle, five years ago... so that's pretty cool; even though at the time, my friend Renee was scared shitless. hell, we all were! Anyways.. happy days to Katy and Jack!


so that's all for now. I'm off to change our bed linens, because Troy has taken to sleeping naked again, and he sweats like a pig. SO not sexy! bleh!


Have you signed up for Cze-Bingo yet???

don't miss out! check out the RULES, and join in the fun!


PS... for all of you who signed up and haven't REALLY read the rules... you can not check off your squares until TOMORROW. Only NEW POSTS from March 1st onwards will be applicable to the game.

Also, at this point, only 9 people have entered the competition.. so with 5 prize categories; your chances of getting something are pretty good.


enjoy yourselves today, gang... and please... keep your shirts on!

Ready, set.... CZE-BINGO!!!!!

ok, ok... so as promised..... I said I would be posting about my contest today... and here it is.


are you ready???

CZE-BINGO FEVER!!!!!

I know, I know.... I'll let it sink in!!!


y'all have a few days to get your shit together and read the rules.... which really spells out the ins, outs, and how to enters.


But the bottom line is we got ourselves another game, and I'm dishing out prizes. you KNOW my shit kicks ass!!! You ALSO know that you want to win.... so get over to the rules, and get ready!!!

Bingo just got cool again!

Cze-Bingo Fever Rules!!!

well.. I don't know if I was trying to say that Cze-bingo Fever Rules as much as I was trying to say that these are the rules to Cze-Bingo Fever....


but when in Rome... whe-hoo!!!

CZE-BINGO FEVER RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so now... after that little pep rally... here are the rules!


- Cze-Bingo Fever is just like regular BINGO... only better. 'cause it's mine.

- Anyone with a working e-mail address can enter. Cze-bingo is not exclusive to bloggers.

- Each participant will receive a UNIQUE Cze-Bingo card to use for the duration of the game.

- To receive a Cze-Bingo card...(and consequently be considered a contestant) you must E-MAIL ME before 7:00 am EST, Wednesday, March 1st. I'm not kidding. you snooze, you lose... so why don't you enter your ass now before you forget?

- upon receiving your request for a Cze-bingo card, I will reply with a link to your numbered card. That's right... I'm keeping the originals, so no cheat-baggers up in here. Here's a sample of what your card could look like:




- your card number will appear in the lower RIGHT HAND CORNER of your Cze-Bingo card. DO NOT LOSE YOUR CARD NUMBER!!!! consider it your claim number in case you end up winning big.


- Game begins WEDNESDAY, MARCH 1st, 2006, and continues until all possible winning situations have been achieved.



- TO PLAY THE GAME:

- 'check off' a square as it corresponds to any of my NEW blog posts beginning MARCH 1st, 2006. For example.... if, during one of my blog posts, I begin to ramble on about Troy, you may cross off that square on your Cze-bingo card.

- Each 'cze-bingo' card comes with a "free space" in the center. just like the old fuddy-duddy game of bingo... consider this square already checked off.

- All 'less than' or 'more than' squares mean IN ONE SINGLE POST.

- The 'unique comments' square means 20 or more different commentERS, so don't be filling up my comments with 20 comments saying the same shit. I want different people, people! TWENTY of 'em. at least!

- Only ONE winner per game category. In case of two people claiming "Cze-Bingo" on the same day, prize will be awarded to the FIRST person to leave a comment... provided they are indeed a winner after verification.

- Prizes will be awarded for the following game categories

- FIVE IN A ROW --- across, down or diagonal. ... 'nuff said.

- BIG BOX --- the top and bottom rows completely

checked off, as well as the first and last columns.

- BIG X --- both possible diagonals completely checked off.

- INNER SANCTUM --- check off all the squares that are

NOT on the edge of the card.

and finally...

- THE BIG CROSS --- do it to the center row and column.

- Sorry, but you can only win once. and no complaining. if you WIN, that's GREAT!!! No need to get greedy, you know?


- If you think you've got a Cze-Bingo..... LEAVE ME A COMMENT on the most recent post! Please state your card number in your comment, and I will cze-cze-check it out.

- BUYER BEWARE!!!! ANY FALSE CZE-BINGO CLAIMS WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE DISQUALIFICATION AND MUCH MUCH RIDICULE!!!! Don't be one of THOSE people, ok???

- I may or may not accept bribes to blog about certain subjects. Hey... my game, my rules. I say I can be bribed, well then... there you have it!

- any questions, concerns, or regular chit chat can be sent to me. I will announce any changes or clarifications to the rules, as well as update this post to reflect any changes.

- have fun!!!

______________________________

CLARIFICATIONS!!!!!!!

Q - So when you say "blogging about shit", do you mean shit literally or do you mean, just blogging about whatever?

A- I mean shit. as in out of someone's ass. mine, someone else's, or hell... even both at the same time. But I like the way you think, cause usually I ain't got shit to talk about. but for the game... you will be wanting shit. caca. doo-doo. poopies. you get the point.

Q- And "blogging about my ass" do you mean about your actual ass or just talking about yourself?

A- I'm quite fond of my own derrierre. I often make references to it; sometimes on Biblical Porportions. Whether I admit that I'm talking out of my ass, or posting how Troy grabbed my ass and made a moo-ing sound and almost got de-penised for it (which, by the way, would be an added bonus for you because I would also be talking about Troy... ) but you get the point. Besides.. I'm an ego-maniac and ALWAYS talk about myself.. where's the fun in that??? No.. I'm appealing to the Sir-Mix-A-Lots in all of you; I want you beggin' for a piece of that bubble!

Q - I don't understand.."less than three (3) uses of "anyways"???

A- I can see how this would be confusing. if you see the word "anyways" three or more times in a new post.... you don't get to cross off the square. Take note, though... 'anyway'... as in singular, and probably actually using the term correctly instead of the typical poor excuse for a transition like I always do... well that's just a normal word. we're looking for "anyways". In a sentence, on its own, or just listed three times to be a frigid bitch that I can be.... less than three... circle gets the square.

Q - And since the contest started on Wed, can we count Wed-Fri as a full week, or do we have to wait til NEXT week to check off that one, if we comment every day next week, that is?

A - Rumor has it that in some states like TEXAS, a week means seven days. I know.. I know... crazy! but too bad. you can start your comments on any day, but you best be prepared to bring that shit (note... not the shit-shit... just the figurative talking shit-shit) for a full seven days. in a row. you miss a day... you miss your square. PLEASE NOTE.... if I do not have a new post at the time of you logging in, you MAY comment on a previous post. I just need proof you're visiting me every day for a whole week.

Q - does "old man" constitute blogging about troy?

A - Old man refers to my dad. He who calls me Frigid Bitch. the Porq. Johnny, and other various aliases he goes by. but no. not Troy.

somebody stop me

ok. it's saturday night. Troy's working AGAIN.

so whatever.. no big deal, but dude....


I just watched Life-Size, starring Lindsay Lohan and Tyra Banks.. circa 2000.


and I'm not just saying the shit was on the tv in the background while I worked on my new template and the bi... whoops! almost gave away what the contest is about!!


anyways... I'm saying I ACTUALLY WATCHED the movie.


and not only did I just make myself dumber for the past 2 hours... but I also got choked up when Eve turned back into a doll. can I get a WTF up in here????


If my period doesn't get here soon and stop this emotional havoc, there's no telling WHAT I may do tomorrow when Troy's at work all day again.

I mean.... shit... first Lindsay and Tyra... what's next??? NASCAR???? God Help me!!!!!




PS..... now with EXTRA scariness..... when searching for a link to the lohan/banks movie... I found THIS. I think I need to go to confession for even LOOKING at this site. ok... maybe not for LOOKING.... but the giggling??? yes. MUST confess to the giggling!

Give a little bit

so orginally I was being bummed today about Troy having to work late AGAIN tonight... but then I started thinking about my friend on the street who's husband is gone for over a week on business, and she's got a three yr old and a 9 month old.

Then I was thinking about Jewl... who's been holding on her own for WAY too long while her husband is in Iraq.

suddenly... things don't seem as bad. AT least I know Troy WILL be home at some point tonight... even if by 2am.


so... to turn my frown up-side-down... I invited my friend on the street with her two kids over for dinner tonight, AND I'll be delivering dinner to Troy and his workbuddy tonight at the office. Got to give a little bit back, you know?


SO this is good. This kind of give-to-someone-else is what I need to help shake the RAGING sense of PMS that I've been dealing with. raging. did I say RAGING??? yes. I mean RAGING! Like eat the SHIT out of a frozen pizza and fried chicken and ice cream and CHOCOLATE!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S CHOCOLATE IN THIS HOUSE THAT'S NOT IN MY MOUTH?????????

I can't explain it. well.. I mean, I *CAN*... it's this whole hormonal imbalance or shift or surge or something that happens when you enter into the last phase of your cycle. so all this fun is then followed by a WEEK of BLOOD! oh. What's that?? oh.. you understand how PMS works??

sorry.


anyways... chocolate and I... well.. honestly.. I couldn't give two shits about it. but once a month... HOLY MOTHERFUCKER!!!! Step AWAY from the HERSHEY'S!!!!! and once I eat so much that I go into a sugar-induced COMA, and all that is left is a slight strand of brown-colored DROOL dripping out the corner of my mouth... I'm fine!!! F-I-N-E ... FIIIINE. don't need the shit for another month.


Perhaps I *shouldn't* be having people over until the beast is quelled?? I mean.. God forbid my friend dresses her little 9-month old boy in brown today... I might gobble his ass up like Mariah at a buffet???

no worries, dear readers... I have some syrup downstairs... I promise to have a few shots of chocolate milk before they come over. NO baby-eating tonight if I can help it.


Anyways.. so in my delirious state of hormonal FURY... I've decided that the ENTIRE HOUSE needs to be CLEANED!!!! shower stall?? SCRUBBED!!!! carpets?? VACUUMED!! (btw.. apologies to the entire state of north carolina... I didn't realize rhena would end up screaming THAT much from the vacuum) Hardwoods?? oh, yeah.. glutton for punishment that I am.. I've been on the hands and knees wiping them down with my orangeglow mister bottle and shammy. (I realize shammy is spelled otherwise like shaomie or some other weird way.. but SHAMMY is how I'm spelling it today, ok??????)

** pauses to take a shot of chocolate milk ***

ok... sorry. where was I?

anyways.. I'm on this cleaning frenzy, in hopes to displace my PMS RAGE into a nice and shiny house. AT the very least I'm getting a good workout, a clean house, and the energy being used gives a justifiable reason for eating like a complete SLOB. at LEAST for the next few days, right?

eh.... screw it. maybe I'll make those meatballs chocolate-covered afterall.


have a fabulous day, chilluns'..... tune in MONDAY for more info about my upcoming contest!

Contest Fever

hey gang.... just a reminder for you to go visit Susie's contest today. She will post the game at 9:30am EST, so go and play!

don't forget to tell her I sent you! even if you don't get any right, as long as you show up and leave a comment, you get a point. First time commenters to the game get THREE points!! so if you like music... GO THERE NOW!!



and in other news... I've decided to host another contest of my own. More details will come; just don't want to take away from Susie's day.


Also... my friend Katy is having a GIRL!!! I'm really happy for her, and wish her and her husband much much joy!


peace out!

Is it me?? (episode 397)

ok... so I'm sitting here... WAAAY late... waiting for troy to get home from work.


I'm NOT going to bitch about the fact that this is the SECOND night in a row that he's been working past 11:30 pm. nope. not gonna bitch cause he's bringing home ICE CREAM. that's riiiight, suckas.... soon enough I'm gonna be snackalackin on some strawberry ice cream. YES!!!!


so anyways... I'm awake... (dreams of strawberries dancing in my head.....)


I already played the UNDEAD game my brother mentioned on his blog....

trolled a few sites... you know... the usual.


but on the TV... my background and keep me awake tool.... (no.. not watching the olympics.. I said I wanted to STAY AWAKE)

anyways... I see this commercial... for mountain dew MDX???


seen it yet? go on... go watch it.. I'll wait. Click HERE to go to their site, then click on "THE ADS". It should play automatically, but if not... it's the first TV ad.




Is it me, or does anyone else find the utter and complete IRONY that they chose a song by Lionel Richie.. and most of the featured 'singers' in the commercial STRONGLY resemble NICOLE???


dude... I KNOW it's not just me.... this kind of shit is uncanny!!! can YOU spot Nicole in the following lineup????

figure 1 - small body... big eyes... green

figure 2- small body... big eyes... green!

figure 3 - once again... small body... BIG eyes.. GREEN!

I know I could go on and on...... but me thinks I dost hear mine ice cream approaching!!!

booyakasha!!!

have a good night!

bah!

been tooling around with photoshop again.


I think we have Susie's contest shit all lined up.... and I filled a request of Gina's... even though I wasn't sure if she was really asking. she wanted something Greek-y, cause she's going to Greece this year. let's see if she likes what I did.

I also began work on my MARCH template.... but y'all are going to have to wait for that one. only 8 more days, so quit yer bitchin'.


not much going on today... waiting to find out what my friend Katybugs is having. She goes for the infamous gender-reveal ultrasound today.... I'm putting bets on a girl... but we shall find out soon enough.


well... I ought to head to the food store. I'm TOTALLY out of Rhena's whole milk. poor baby was drinking non-fat this morning, and believe you me... that girl needs all the fat she can get!


I leave you today with another request to go do my Johari thing... and this splendid little piece of Rhena.. doing her best "whachootalkinbout Willis?" face.





peace out, and good luck to Katy and Mike!

XXOO

Two for the Money

ok... I wanted to post this, too.


I saw this over at someone else's place, and thought I would ask y'all to play along.

It's a Johari Window... have you heard of them? it's just one of those psycho-analytical tools that I will probably look at and say "HOGWASH!" but I'm still curious to see how it turns out.

anyways.. go HERE, and click on 5 or 6 words that you think describe me. go on.. be honest! most of the words have a positive spin to them, anyway.


for those of you who are gluttons for punishment... go try a Nohari window... that activity focusses on weak points-slash-flaws of a person. I'm not ready for that one yet... I'll stick to my Johari, thanks!

Anyways.... please go to my thing and play along.


if my link above doesn't work... you can also copy and paste the following into your browser...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=CzeJohnsonCarrie


I've tried to edit this post about three times to fix the link, but no avail... so maybe the copy-paste action might work.


thanks for playing... I'll post my 'findings' at the end of the week!

Bloggeroni with cheese

so this weekend was a blogging weekend for me. not necessarily in terms of creating any new posts... but I was photoshoppin' my heart out.


First... I put together a new look for Hänni-pie. She's trying to get a book club-blog-thing going, so I was whipping up some masthead stuff for her. The jury's still out so far... but this is what I sent as a preliminary look....

Next up was Susie.... she was wanting a logo for her "name that tune" contest she does every wednesday. BY THE WAY.... next wednesday, you should definitely go and participate in her contest. It's fun... and first time players get three points just for showing up! Basically, she lists a lyric, and you have to guess the song and artist. There's a PRIZE involved, too.... so on wednesday... get on over and play. oh... and tell her I sent you.. so I can get a referral point.

Hey.. if I'm gonna be her whipping bitch, I might as well get something out of it, no? but seriously.. it's fun. so go there on wednesday. (don't worry.. I'll remind you!)

so back to her contest... she was needing a logo.. so I came up with this:

I just e-mailed it to her, so we'll see what she says about it. hoefully she'll like it... if not... anyone else want to host a name that tune contest and use this logo?? HAH!!! Just kidding, Suser... you've got first dibs... I just don't like seeing good clip-art manipulation go to waste! ;)

now I'm off to dinner at our friends' house. Troy's already over there.. watching *GAG* nascar. yes. it's begun again. only 100 more weeks of dulldrum.... or however long their 'season' is. bleh. I can't even bitch about it right now. it hurts to even THINK about it.

sooooooooo..... have a delicious evening, everyone... and we'll see you around the way.

This just In!!!

ok.... sorry gang... I just HAD to share THIS.



I'm laughing. I'm crying. I've watched it four times already.


thanks to a commenter at the HAUS for posting this. I heart you!

TCB (Takin' Care of Business)

so I know I've been MIA for the last few days.


lots of busy stuff going on around here. Wednesday I had my back door worked on again.... it's FINALLY fixed! Then I had my BUNCO girls over... much fun was had... I made pomegranate and lime martinis.... then made the dentist remove the dead cat that was lingering in my throat all day thursday.

Just kidding about the dead cat, but I WAS feeling a little foozy (cross between fuzzy and oozy) from the late night and martinis on Wednesday night. This of COURSE did not play in well to my dental appointment Thursday morning. Cause you know... when I'm hungover... I REALLY want to taste my own blood as a girl in a pink mask STABS me with metal scrapes. faaaaaaabulous.


Been running around enjoying the 65-70 degree weather we've been having this week... but am bummed because it's supposed to go down to the 40's this weekend!! EEK!

In other news... I got my shipment from my local drug dealers... so with the 4 boxes we got... it should get us through this stupid cold weekend coming up.


Tonight troy and I continue on our quest to be the Neighbor Champions.... our next door friends are coming over for some UNO and Phase Ten. We have a notebook for keeping scores for all time... cause that's how we roll. Plus that way... if they ever beat us in a few years, we can flip back through the notebook and point out all the times we made them weep for mercy. Well, maybe not mercy. and maybe not even weeping. We just have fun, and that's all that counts. Of course, the fact that I love the wife (she's so sweet) and the husband lived in daytona for a long time, so we reminisce about The Coliseum and other clubs I used to dance at in college. oh... and he drinks Jack Daniels, and she bakes an AWESOME blueberry bread. match made in heaven, if you were to ask me!


But other than that... I'm feeling just kind of blah. I've been busy with real-life stuff, and I think after a whole week of GO GO GO, I'm slowing down. I'm looking forward to some hot tea and GS cookies. and a blanket. yeah... gots to have the blanket.


Have a great weekend, gang... I may or may not be around. I'm SURE there's plenty of stuff out there for me to poke fun at... like figure skating. and how fucking MUCH can I really watch until I physically PUKE from boredom???? I mean... go go Olympics, yes... but seriously. ENOUGH with the figure skating!!!! I'm getting to the point where I might consider actually SHUTTING THE TV OFF.... and you KNOW I won't know what to do with myself then!



alrighty-- I guess that's it. have at it, then!





PS... happy birthdays to my nephew Damian, my SIL Dawn, and my niece Dara. They're all affiliated with Graceland.... I will be missing their combo birthday party this weekend, cause they're up in Jersey. Much love and happiness to them, though!


PS #2 ... I just bought plane tickets last night..... I'm going on a trip in March! we-hoo!


PS # 3 .... I already cracked into my GS Cookies. They might not make it to the weekend. HAH!

Valentine's 2006

So today is February 14th. Bring on Cupid! Bring on Chocolate! Bring on the Flowers!


uhhh... is this thing on????


yeah... so there are no cupids or chocolates or flowers up in here. There are no sexy nighties or silk anythings. It's february 14th. big whoop-dee-doo.

But just because TROY is a loser who doesn't shower me with commercial love (honestly... I really don't mind... it just so happens that today I'm craving chocolate, so I'm a little pissy about not getting any) anyways... just because Troy's all BAH-LOVEBUG ... doesn't mean I'm not going to hit you with the sweetness I call my baby.

I mean really... screw the chocolate.. I got all the sugar I need right here!




Happy Valentine's day, gang! MUAH!

I smell a South Park episode

dude.... as if the one episode where South Park ripped on the ginger kids wasn't enough....


I think the USA has another famous 'Ginger' on their hands.


Congrats to Shaun White for nabbing the Gold in the halfpipe yesterday.... that alone makes him fucking rock (YOU ever try doing the shit he does on a snowboard??? exactly....)


anyways... I'm gosh darn proud of him, but dude... he's still butt-ugly. And really... the South Park dudes were on to something..... all "gingers" look ALIKE!!!!!


Out of respect for the medal action, I'm NOT going to a photoshop of horrors on his ass and paint him as Sissy Spacek starring as the lead in Stephen King's Carrie. Nor will I point out that the last name of the character in the story is ALSO White. nope. not gonna do it.


I WILL, however... post this picture that was taken of Sissy Spacek and her daughter... wait... is THAT???? In the background??? naaaaah... couldn't be. ......Though I DO hear that gingers run in packs. (safety in numbers and everything) At this point, I'd say anything is possible.




Either way... I want to congratulation both Sissy AND Shaun for being so accomplished. Who would have thought that with all that teasing they must have got they would have amounted to the successes they are?

Congratulations again, to Sissy and Shaun... you guys are the tops!!!!

Is it just me?

ohhhhhh kaaaaay!


Troy and I watched the Olympic opening ceremonies last night.... after we watched that movie called The Island.


the movie was decent; a little hokey in some parts, but enjoyable nonetheless.


afterwards, we flipped on the coverage of the opening ceremonies.


As usual, I enjoyed watching the competitors parade in. We giggled at some of the stay-puffed attire, chortled at some guys wearing MITTENS... and played 'guy or girl' with some of the European countries' teams. It was fun up until troy realized that the male and female athletes on each team were dressed in slightly different uniforms.

On that note... what happened to France??? Their women had decent hair... but ewww-weee... they were pretty BUSTED! .......oh well.... I'm just saying......

by the way... for the record.. let me say this.....

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

ok. back to Torino. Is it just me... or do they do a lot of WEIRD shit in the Olympic Opening Ceremonies???


I mean... I scratched my head as I watched Bjork's dress cover all of the athletes in Athens.... the song itself wasn't bad.. but DUDE... WTF was up with THAT DRESS????

and last night.... first we have the model on the half-shell... and flying people, and the big ORBS (sun and moon... yeah yeah yeah... whatever you want to call them) but there's these big ole BALLS floating around.... then that dancer dude??? Seriously.... maybe I'm an ignorant American... but next time I see a guy prancing around in a vein-painted bodysuit with a mohawk... I'd prefer he wasn't getting all pointy-toed to club music. I may not be the club-rat that I used to be... but seriously... that shit was a stretch for me. DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!!

my forehead kept crunching up more and more as I wondered what exactly the point of all that was... only to lead directly into a pit-change for a ferrari and major burn-out???

oh well... the fireworks after the ferrari stint were cool... and the cauldron being lit will always be breath-taking in my eyes.


but the orbs and flying people and dancer dude??? I dunno. I just don't get it.

Full circle

so every now and then it's good to scream a little and get shit off your chest.


However... it's also good to just let things go and remember you're not the only one dealing with shit.



Case in point... stuff like THIS reminds me of how very good I have things.




Once again.. comments will be closed. Clearly I'm not the one in need right now... so if you feel so inclined... spread some love over on the link I just listed. thanks.

not-so-reality blogging

So I've had a few things tinkling in my head for quite a while, and two seperate events today brought them to a point that I just need to finally get it out there.

once again... I feel as if my ability to really be ME in the blog world is being infringed upon.


First off... this is MY blog. my safe haven. MY place to bitch and moan as I damn well please because you know what??? the shit's gotta go SOMEWHERE.


This is the second time I feel like I'm having to 'defend' my bitchiness in the blog world, by the way.


why?



seriously... WHY????? why in HELL should I have to defend my feelings to an online journal?

Now.. to the regular bloggers out there, I'm sure I'm getting a HELL YEAH, or SING IT SISTAH! and so forth. Bloggers get it. they really do. Press the "x" and keep on truckin'.... the whole nine.


To the people who know me in real life... I can really understand why my CONSTANT BITCHING may strike a chord or call for some alarm. People that know me and CARE about ME see/hear my bitching and worry. Where's the anger COMING from?? what's going ON??? what's WRONG??? I get that. that makes sense. But there has to be a little leeway here, don't you think? you chose to come in and take a look... now man up and swallow!

I've said before that I bitch here so it doesn't come out on Rhena. or Troy. or the people that know me in real life. I complain and I moan and I groan, and I scream out my happy thoughts and whisper my fears and I sheepishly admit the things I agree to do when I'm drunk.


because this is my SAFE PLACE.


This is MY PLACE that I can pretend to be funny.. or at least try my damndest to be... I can CURSE.... IN BOLD FONTS IF I FUCKING WANT TO!!!!!! I can say how absolutely ridiculous I think our society is and how disgustingly OVERPAID people like Mariah Carey are. (and have I mentioned lately how fat she is??? sorry, Cheeky.. I mean how "fit" Mariah is?? cough cough *bullshit!* cough cough)

I'm snarky. I'm snippy. and then when I get bored.. I curse some more. why???

BECAUSE I CAN.


Now I can go and say that I don't give a flying fuck who thinks what and yadda yadda yadda.... but the bottom line is that I'm just trying to be me.

I REALLY CARE about people. My parents raised me right. I really would give a friend the world if I knew what color they wanted it to be. I volunteer at church. I pray every day. I say please and thank you, and I APPRECIATE what I have, what's given to me, and what I've worked for. I'm considerate of people, and show respect to people who don't even respect themselves.

Generally speaking... when I go to someone else's blog... I play nice. I've never done a drive-by or nastygram. I don't leave anonymous comments because I don't feel ashamed of the things I say.

Today... I made a comment on my friend's blog about someone we both know. I tried to be funny. It was received wrong. The kick in the ass is that the person who took what I said wrong has 'known' me for over 2 years!!! Like I'm the type of person to go out and verbally attack someone other than Mariah Carey?? (or anna nicole smith or our dear pals on American Idol??? ok. ok... and maybe a few others but seriously... no one that I actually know in real life and LIKE ??? dude??? what kind of person do you think I AM???) Now... I will play my own devil's advocate here and say I should similarly know THEM for 2+ years, so I SHOULD KNOW that they run on the more sensitive side of things, and would probably take what I said as personal.

agreed. I should have been nicer... especially cause it wasn't on MY blog that I was making said comments. but still... cheez whiz, Mr Green.... since when do I have to be politically correct all the fucking time????


I used to go to a message board regularly. I've met a WONDERFUL group of women through this board. I've blogged about them before, I'm sure. They have been such a wonderful sarong of support through the whole child bearing process. I really don't know what I would have done without them.

but that being said... I really firmly believe that they don't know me AT ALL. Now I'm not saying that's anyone's fault but my own... I'm willing to swallow that I haven't been all naked and raw and vulnerable and all that shit with them. but it doesn't take very long to know that I have a dry (ok... ARID) sense of humor. yet time after time... a comment from me will turn things into an emotional upheaval. So I edit. and I bite my fingers. and I stay further and further away from WHO I REALLY AM and what I REALLY think, because it often leads to a big ole mess. and I post less and less.

But I'm not complaining. it's not 'my house', so I'm not going to go in and make a mess. at least not on purpose. but shee-it... what's the fun in going someplace you just don't feel comfortable, you know?

but all that is just an aside. it brings me back to my point of having a place to go that you feel comfortable.

I'm tired of being told what I can or can not do or how I should or should not be on MY BLOG. (again... duely noted I need to be nice when I go somewhere else... ) My REAL life is messy. I get angry and upset about silly (and not so silly) things, and I keep them inside until I can get online and unleash my demons. I have REAL OPINIONS which I AM ENTITLED TO... and if I say what I think here and your panties get in a bunch, then you're more than welcome to let yourself out the way you came in.

if I sound bitter and jaded... do I need to remind you that I'm from New Jersey??? fucking A, people... it's IN MY BLOOD!!!! it's HOW PEOPLE FROM JERSEY ARE!

I have stuff going on. I've been stressed. and yes.. don't we and aren't we all... I know. but again. this is MY HOUSE, and I got the microphone. so no offense... if I sound a little bitchy... well... it's cause I CAN BE. you don't like it?? well.. I'm sure there's a nice way and a not-so-nice way to tell you what to do.

But it's cool. I know and you know whether or not you have even the FAINTEST idea of who I really am or whether or not you get what I say. I imagine there will be some readers analyzing every damn word I use in this post trying to figure out if I'm talking about them.... and others will be like... blah blah carrie's venting again; all systems go.... and others yet will just simply leave a smartass comment about how I need to stop being so bitchy, or send me links to pictures of how fat Mariah is... cause that's just how shit rolls in Fever-ville. and it's all good... cause i'm not trying to tell you who or how to be.

I'm just saying back the fuck off and let me be me.


*******EDIT!!! I removed the option to comment, folks. I really wasn't looking for validation as much as I was getting shit off my chest. really. I just needed to vent.

A little Back Door Action

So today we're getting our back door worked on.



whoa... what did you THINK I meant when I said "Back Door Action"??? friggin' SICKO!!!!



anyways... it's been a royal pain in the ass (excuse the comparison..) for a while with the house settling and stuff. essentially, the door jam has shifted, and it takes about 6 curse-words and four bowls of wheaties to pry that sucker open... and don't even get me started on when it's humid out!


Our Warranty guy kept saying how the strike plate needs to be adjusted... blah blah blah.... but I was telling him the door needs to be re-installed because the house settled and shifted the jam so much that the door is completely out of whack now. But no no... warranty guy says the door gets "sticky' when it's humid out... and the strike plate just needs to be adjusted. Apparently because I have tits and don't work, I don't "get" humidity and how it affects wood... (NOR do I have an earthly idea of what happens as a house settles) and can he infer any more that I'm a silly little woman who should just bake a pie and have more children????

I'm sorry... I must have been faking it with that whole engineering degree and being project manager of multi-million dollar construction projects. silly me... where's my oven mitts????



But dah-duh... The door dude agreed that the entire door needs to be re-installed cause of ... what's THAT???? .... oh??? the HOUSE SETTLED AND FUCKED UP THE DOOR YOU SAY???????

so it's NOT the humidity and my weak weak pie-making arms that are causing me to not be able to open the door??? Yeah..... that's what I THOUGHT! how you like me NOW?????

I mean seriously... even if it WAS the humidity... FIX the shit so it works!!! I mean... not to state the obvious, but it's NORTH CAROLINA, DUDE!!!! IT'S ALWAYS HUMID HERE!!!!!!!!! just fix my damn door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but whatever. dude can't fix it today, cause lo and behold, the whole thing has to be re-installed. Sucks that it's not fixed yet... but oh... it feels so good to know that I was right.


oh well.. I'd vent more, but I have a coffee cake in the oven that's just about done. Me, June Cleaver, and the other walking uteruses on my street are going to hang out and darn some skirts this afternoon. maybe we'll even finish our hemming quickly and have time for polishing our silver after high tea!


ps... I said it in the comments, and I'll say it here...I feel like people TOTALLY cheated on Susie's contest today. and while I'm at it.... Jenni (love you girl... I really do!) should only get half the points for her answers cause she didn't follow the rules. I'd say screw her, she gets NONE, cause I'm a competitive bitch like that... but like I said... I LIKE Jenni... so she should at least get half-points for her 2nd, third, and fourth guesses...

and SPEAKING of competitions... did you get your vote in at the Haus for the DAWG contest??? I am SOOOO gonna win that one!


Thanks again to DAN for the template-o-rama help. looks like we're all squared away now... and I got to add in a few of my own fashizzlins to make it Feverish.

Have a FABULOUS wednesday gang....

Death by Blogger

this thing is gonna be the death of me... I just KNOW it.



ok... I'm STILL working on the layout stuff. DAN was good enough to send me some code... and it would fix the whole 'posts-on-top-of-images" problem, but when you scroll down, you would lose my chicky. and I LIKE my chicky. I want her staying put.


so now you have my NEW chicky and valentiney colors... but my cell paddings are all jacked up and my side bar is out in nowheres-ville. shitbaggers!!!!


Time for me to hit the showers and eat something, cause if I don't... things is gonna get reeeeeaaaaal ugly up in here.


in the meantime... bear with the construction pains.... or go visit one of my friends listed on my sidebar. THEIR templates are working fine. I mean... if you can FIND my sidebar content and all.....


peace out...

Reason # 8732

why I love Troy....


it's 9:08pm and we just ordered pizza cause I'm hungry.


pizza in bed, baby.... oooooooh yeah!

To the lady behind us in Church today....

...it is FAR more disrespectful to LOUDLY carry on for 10 minutes DURING COMMUNION about how kneeling is better than standing and standing is far better than sitting for showing respect to Jesus.

From those of us whom you made sure you claimed are putting "personal comfort" before our respect for our Lord and Savior.... SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!


And not that it matters... because apparently you feel you are the Captain of the Holier-Than-Thou team.... but Msgr. Bellow has announced several times that until our new church building is completed... it is perfectly acceptable (and ENCOURAGED) that people SIT during traditional times of kneeling during Mass. But maybe you didn't come those weeks. or were TALKING TOO LOUD TO HEAR HIM!!!!!



most sincerely....
the horribly disrespectful CCD teacher SITTING DOWN and trying to PRAY INSTEAD OF TALKING DURING COMMUNION.

getting shit done

I think a while back I suggested the idea for there needing to be a Nobel Prize for getting shit done. (I'll have to find the post and edit in the hyperlink later)


I may not be a contender for this award right now... but I DO feel pretty good about being able to knock a few things off my list as of late.



below are the finished BUNCO invites... they came out ok. Pictured below is the front and back sides.

I wanted a digital as well as hard copy, so in case I ever start an event-planning business, I have record of all the shit I've done in the past. I have copies of Rhena's birthday invites, my Christmas social invites, all the favors I've done for each party, and pictures of the food spreads.... cause let's face it.. what's a party without the grub, right??? I figure by the time Rhena is five, I should have a decent portfolio built up. Plus my girfrHENS from the neighborhood have already asked me to help them with their kids' upcoming parties.


SPEAKING of parties... saw the COOLEST thing the other day... an event planner did a gala for a writer of some TV show, and she configured the serving trays to have little screens in the center that played episodes of the shows the writer had aired. fucking COOL, I tell you. If Rhena's not a rock star by the time she's 16, I think I could TOTALLY do something similar with still photos instead of video footage. but I got time for that.


what else... oh yeah... everyone has been doing these, so I thought I would do one, too. I may just order a t-shirt like this... it's pretty sweet.

ok... Boogie's up, and with a face like this... why would I want to miss out on time with her????






peace out!


oh yeah... one more thing..... Rhena wanted to say thank you for all the lovely comments you guys left her the other day.... she IS a bit like her momma with lovin' the love y'all leave.

The Fever's Guide to Being Bitchy -- Regarding FAT

ok... here is my separate post about being bitchy. (yeah yeah... I know... those of you who know me know I could write an entire blog about this subject... not just one post... but still.... shaddup and listen!)


Today facet of Bitchy I want to focus on is FATNESS.


now... anyone who's a friend of the Fever knows I am CONSTANTLY bagging on Mariah for her ballpark frank fingers (they plump when you cook 'em) ... her thighs that look like pale crunchy cheetos, and just her poor poor taste in clothing and everything in general.

yeah.. I said it... MARIAH'S FAT!!!!


and let's face it... women are the ROUGHEST bitches around when it comes to the subject of fatness. We are hard on EVERYONE... ourselves... others.... shee-it... I've been known to poke fun at fat ANIMALS, too!

But there are a few rules that should be followed.


ALWAYS.



FIRST OF ALL..... it's ok to outright call someone FAT. This right is not exclusive to skinny people. That's right... even if your ass was on Montel last year cause you're too big to get out of bed... even YOU own the right to call someone fat. It's a STATEMENT. like saying... "YOU'RE A GIRL!!!" You don't have to be a girl to call someone a girl... or I suppose the correct phrasing would be that you don't have to be NOT-A-GIRL to call someone a girl... so why should you NOT have to be FAT to call someone FAT??? If someone is FAT... get out there and say it!

(I'll wait while each of you finish muttering under your breath how I'm a fine one to talk.... once you get that out of your system.. continue reading)

OK. so we agree that it's fair to call a spade a spade, right?? I'm going to assume you do... cause you're still reading. otherwise, I suppose you COULD be taking notes so you can just go off on my ass in the comments... but that's cool.... just keep reading.


Now... While previously stated that it is perfectly fair to outright call someone FAT.... I feel it's important to exercise discretion when stating the obvious. I mean... this is a guide to BITCHINESS.... not outright CRUELTY.

Normal people do not deserve turrets-like outbursts to be bestowed on them regularly. Normal people are just trying to do their thing like everybody else, and deserve a little slack. So while I feel that RULE #1 states that anyone and everyone can call someone fat.... I don't necessarily agree that it should be the normal greeting for everyone.

I personally prefer to dish out helpings of rule #1 to celebrities, because they're making gobs and gobs of money, and why should they really care what I call them, anyway? They could just go visit Tom Cruise and get some feel-good medicine from the Head Alien if I really got to them, you know? Or pay someone to hold their milkshake for them. I know that always makes ME feel better.


RULE #2... EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE HARD ON THEMSELVES. Listen here... if I want to bitch about my fat rolls, and my shadow I see from my still-soft-post-baby belly... then damnit... I HAVE THAT RIGHT!!! I can make moo-ing noises while I scarf down appetizers.... I can speak in metaphors all damn day about my ass if it pleases me. It's MY body... *I* live with it, and I'll make fun of it if I damn well please!!!!

It's kinda like Troy.... *I* can make fun of him, cause he's my husband, and I have to smell his farts every day. But if anyone else on this green earth makes fun of Troy, you KNOW I"m gonna throw down, cause that's MY MAN!!!! (ok... unless, of course, I'm hosting a caption the picture of the toothless husband contest.... then i'ts ok....) but you get the point.

The way I look at it... things can get pretty boring when you CONSTANTLY have to listen to your one friend drone on and on about how fat she is as she eats a whoile package of oreos. People like that tend to lose their audiences after a while... cause, well.. it gets old.

my suggestion for a practical use of RULE #2 is to practice snappy lines at home by yourself. that way, when you DO have an audience... people ENJOY hearing you bitch about yourself. For example... would you rather be out to eat with your friend as she drones on and on about how her clothes don't fit her anymore, and she was crying and crying and it's horrible how much weight she's gained, will you please pass the appetizers??? or would you rather be across the table from someone who says... "DAMMMMN!! I gained so much weight over Christmas, that elevator HAD to go down!! hah hah hah, now share some of those fat sticks with me, sister!"


RULE #3... This is where shit comes together. While it is ok to call yourself fat... and it is acceptable to call someone ELSE fat.... by NO MEANS WHATSOEVER SHOULD YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO SOMEONE UNLESS YOU KNOW FOR DAMN SURE YOU'RE SKINNIER.

let this sink in.


Call yourself fat.
Call someone ELSE fat.
do NOT... repeat... DO NOT say someone is fatter than YOU, unless said statement is true. In fact.... you should pretty much always tell the other person they are skinnier than you, even when you know in your heart that you're skinnier than them.

It's a girl thing, you see. Women are CONSTANTLY judging each other. it's what we do!!! I would venture to say that 8 times out of 10, a woman has mentally checked out another woman and categorized her well before any words are even exchanged.

fatter or skinnier than me?

prettier than me or not?

what's her ass look like?

hmm.. at least my boobs are bigger.

ewww, and her makeup is bad.

but this is a tangent. my point is that everyone already knows who's skinnier... so even though you BOTH know the truth... the dance begins.

if you LIKE the person you're talking to... you will tell them they look good. She then will tell you how fat she is... then you tell them, no way... you're totally skinnier than me, I hate you!

If SHE likes YOU... she will return the compliments... blah blah blah... No... YOU'RE skinnier than me... blah blah blah.

and the subject will change, and you both make fun of Mariah Carey.


Now, in cases where there's an OBVIOUS difference in weights-slash-sizes... When the girls like each other, they will STILL find ways to compliment each other. It's what we do. When you LIKE someone, you offer support and camaraderie. period.

BUT.... If/when you have an encounter with someone who is OBVIOUSLY much LARGER than someone, and the LARGER one says how the two are THE SAME SIZE.... Well... That's opening Pandora's box of bitch-slapping if there was one.

I mean... I'm not saying that this has happened to me before (ok... I'll say it... it HAS) but damn.... don't be stepping on my ego like that!!! I mean... I know my ass ain't SMALL... but BITCH.... you got yourself a fucking CADILLAC back there, so don't be telling me "we're the SAME SIZE" and that we can just go on diets together... ESPECIALLY when I never said anything about going on a diet in the FIRST PLACE!!! BITCH!!!!!!! Telling ME I need to go on a diet... HMMMPH!!!

but I digress.

My point is this. DON'T make personal comparisons, unless you're being NICE to someone. Even for a bitch like me... it's not nice to do.... and if you DO decide to go ahead and make a comment like that.. be prepared for a little backlash. you have it coming.


Now... if you DO happen to find yourself on the receiving end of a "huminuh-WHAT did you just say?!?!?" situation... I recommend the following.

The next time your caddy-ass friend INSISTS you are the SAME SIZE... buy her a pair of jeans for her birthday. IN 'YOUR' SIZE. with NO gift receipt. And make sure she knows you didn't give her the gift receipt cause she's always telling you how you're the SAME SIZE.

Then maybe refer her to this post, so she can brush up on the rules. But seriously. get her the jeans. I promise you won't hear her compare you two ever again!



----------

happy Friday, gang....

Doing my chores

lots of stuff going on in Johnsonville, gang.



Been busy trying to fix my template. Thanks to Dan for sending me the html codes... I'm still weeding through it, though. I PROMISE the page will not be all flippy-floppy soon. (dad.)



Tried to clean up the sidebar a little in the meantime... if your website isn't listed.. or listed WRONG... let me know. I'll alphabetize it later... first things first, ya know?



Took Boogie to the doctor today... got her second half of the flu shot. she was SO GOOD.... only cried a little bit, but then once her pants were back on she was all smiles. Funny... I cry when my pants are off, too... she must be related to me!


a GOOD thing about going to the doctor today was that I got a chance to weigh Rhena. In the past, we had had some problems with her being a bit underweight. I am happy to say that my chubby monkey is now a whopping 21.5 pounds!!!! Granted, she was fully clothed with shoes on, but this is big stuff for us, and we're very proud of how far she's come along! (at 13 months, she was still roughly 18.5 pounds, so now at 16 and a half months, and about 3 pounds later.. we're REALLY PLEASED!!!) ice cream for everyone!!!


I've also been working on invitations to a bunco group I'm starting.... we're hoping to get that off the ground this month.


I had a random thought today that should-slash-could go in my "Fever's Guide to Being Bitchy"... but it's a good one, so I'll do a separate blog entry.

Our guest toilet is still leaking, even though the plumbers 'fixed' it on Tuesday. Fuckers. they're coming back tomorrow.


Randy had a DAWG attack last night on American Idol. like THREE of 'em in a row. He definitely has a lot of pent up DAWGGING to do.... I'm nervous, cause if keeps up these Turets-like outbursts, I'll be screwed when it comes time to tally the contest.

LOVE how Paula made a point of saying she didn't want the 16 yr old boy to go through. that he wasn't ready yet. Like that's supposed to make us believe she wasn't juicin' to him. Nice try, Paula... didn't work, though.


SPEAKING of not working... I totally need to do some shit around here before nap time is over.


I leave you with this CHEESY picture of Mariah. (get it??? CHEESE as in... Holy shit, who slathered your legs in FETA????) Thanks to CHEEKY for the contribution. WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY does she insist on wearing shit like this????

"no, no... I want THAT piece of pie, and THOSE milkshakes over there..."

johnson.... OUT!