Ponderosa

Well--- we made it.


all in all, the trip was a little over 10 hours, and this time Rhena did great. I, however, thought my eyes would pop out of my head from the lack of sleep (only 3 hours the night before) but we pulled into our new driveway around 3:30pm this past Saturday. sweet.

I'm up to my ears in boxes, and taking care of Rhena and unpacking is proving to be quite the task.

also---- Troy finally got the internet working properly last night, so I thought I'd take a break from the unpacking and check in.

SO since I don't have too much time to type--- I leave you with the things I've been thinking about last week. They are in no particular order, but have definitely stood out in the brain-bone at some point during my lack of connectivity to the triple W.


1- I've been absolutely lost without mapquest. Babies R Us has turned into a mythical place south of Charlotte that I still can't find.

2- Why is it that every time Rhena wears a Winnie the Pooh outfit, it turns into a major shit-party??? please, people---- stop buying her Pooh outfits. ---- her ass is active enough... I don't need any encouragement for her!

3- EVERYONE waves to each other down here! It's like we're all riding around on Harleys. I suppose it's nice and friendly and all that, but right now it kinda creeps me out in a Stepford wives kind of way.

4- Cardboard box-induced papercuts are the WORST!!!!

5- I finally have TiVo and don't have it set up. talk about a dangling carrot.

6- NASCAR is freaking EVERYWHERE down here.

7- I don't like my new food stores yet. the best one seems to be a store called Harris Teeter, but to be honest, I can't stop calling it Hairy Peter. we'll see.....

8- Two Words.... SWEET TEA.

9- Why in hell is Fear Factor doing a show with Omarosa???? shouldn't she have just gone away by now? I hope she hits her head again.


10- I love my new kitchen.

ok--- the monster is calling. y'all come back now, ya hear?

Wagons Ho!

well--- it's the last day here in jersey, and I'm getting ready for another trek with the munchkin.


does the word DREAD have any significance to you????


let's just say I'm PRAYING for an easy drive. the drive up here wasn't too bad considering the ice storm we had the night before I left, the hail storm in virginia and the blizzard in DC I had to drive through... then of course who could forget 90 straight miles of blood-curdling screams every time the car was in motion??? that was reeeeeeal swell.

In attempts to avoid having to stop every 15-20 miles to calm the beast down (only to have her start crying once we were moving again)during the last leg of the drive... I plan on leaving my parents at 4:30am.

I mean, I suppose it doesn't matter WHEN I leave--- if she's pissed off, I'm gonna find out---- but I would like to get to the new house during daylight hours. NOT that I'm a little frightened of driving down a 1-lane highway that goes through the woods in NC, but-----

there sure be a whole lotta red-necks out in them there woods, and quite frankly--- country folk scare me.


sure--- I should be over the whole red-neck phobia by now--- reno was a breeding ground for 'em. But yet--- this is a whole new breed of red-neck I'm dealing with. Not only do these ingrants like their 80's rock, mullets and camaros (or pick-up trucks with hound dogs and gun racks).... but now I'm dealing with a group of folks pumped up on sweet tea and Nascar.

I didn't see TOO many rebel flags when I was there, but still---- I question just how at-home I'll be feeling when my Ultra Dance volumes 1-6 cds are spotted in my car on my way to a scrapbooking party and the girls are asking for conway twitty.... aww---- I shouldn't worry---- it's not like I'm really ever going to go to a scrapbook anything!!!!


But despite my fears of the drive itself and how I may or may not fit in when we get to the new digs--- I am really looking forward to being with Troy again. ...Aside from all the husbandly reasons, I'm looking forward to not being a single parent anymore. Yes--- my parents made things as easy as they could while we were here, which I am so very thankful for..... but bottom line... Rhena is my responsibility, not theirs.


So I admit--- I am not dreaming of sexual encounters with my long-lost husband... I'm dreaming of sitting on a chair, downstairs.... BY MYSELF.... while Troy changes Rhena's diaper or gives her a bath. or, or--- here's another----- him CARRYING her in that heavy ass car seat! (true, my dad offers all the time, but I'm afraid of him hurting himself so I always am racked with guilt if he does carry her) so yes-- guilt-free carrying! SWEET!

but first things first. today, I must pack, and tomorrow I drive.


I mean it this time when I say I won't be posting in a while... between the drive down, getting settled into the house, and well... spending some alone time in my new kitchen (I can't wait, I can't wait!!!!) I'll be busy next week.

So take care, kiddies--- I'll miss you! Til the next time----

XXOO

Lurking

ok--- confession time.


I'm a lurker.



yup. I randomly go to people's blogs (by hitting the 'next blog' button in the top right hand corner of the screen, and I read. if I like what I read, I read more. then I read comments, and read the blogs of people who made the comments.


I'm not sure if it's curiosity as much as an addiction, but it reminds me of when I was doing the whole internet dating thing. I pretty much read EVERYONE'S profiles. It was like I needed to know what other people were doing. guys, girls--- didn't matter. I guess ultimately I was wondering how I 'stacked up' against the competition.

and blogging.... well, there's certainly no competition in blog land, but yet.... off I go, checking out what other people are doing!

sometimes I leave comments, but mostly not. I *do* have a three-read rule, though.... I guess it's my own little dating system? Anyways--- I never comment until I've been to a blog at least three times. commenting on a first visit??? sorry--- I'm not that kind of girl!

but in the other sense... if I go to a site at least 3 times, I figure I like the blog enough that I'll probably come back even more. If THAT'S the case, I feel it's only proper to comment, as any further lurking might border on stalking.

All in all--- I blame Dan.... he was the one that tipped me off to the random blog button.

but it's fun, and reminds me of just how small I am in this big ole world of ours. and you never know... you might learn something new (two or three days ago I random'ed on some site about domestic discipline???? yeah... I managed NOT to bookmark that site!)

But yeah... learning new stuff, meeting new peeps.... it's all good. And you never know.... maybe, JUST MAYBE, my six degrees of separation to Brad Pitt may reduce a little and I can set him up with my best friend????

bah lovebug!

I am SO not feelin' the love today!!!!

I got a card from my parents which was nice, and stuff from my girlfriend yesterday....all wonderful. but I'm still feeling out of it.


I think I need to cook something. which I actually plan on doing tonight.... which means I get to go to shop-rite. and if there's anything that puts me in a good mood, it's going food shopping!!!

sure.... there's other stuff that makes me happy, too.... like SUNSHINE. I'm so sick of winter I could puke right now! how many days til disney??? ah yup--- there we are! I can't wait! it's snow-crapping out again today. do the words "enough of this shit" mean anything??????


what else--- drinking is always good, too... not too practical with the nugget still attached at the tap, but it's something to look forward to!

speaking of looking forward..... I need to make some friends so we can start the socials back up!!!! I STILL haven't had the shipwrecked social, and I'm thinking we'll be primed and ready by this summer. hopefully we'll have some neighbors by then, too....


anyways... I apologize. I'm just plain cranky these days. not sure if it's the lack of chocolate, the weather, or if my hormones are doing another shift or something.

so on that note... I'm getting the monster dressed and going food shopping. the weather's always a pleasant 68 degrees in shop rite!!!!

happy valentine's, though kiddies.... have a chocolate for me!!!

Define "lonely"

So like pretty much every Sunday, I went to church today. the priest that gave the homily was very passionate about this Lenten (lentan?) season. there was much talk of the devil, temptation, and all the fun stuff stuff that makes Catholicism fun.

then later rhena and I went to the mall with my friend... had a bunch of birthday gifts to purchase. but that's all immaterial. in round about ways, today shaped my thoughts for this blog, but nothing is directly linked. lost yet?

my thought is this, on this eve of valentine's day.... my thought is of loneliness.

I was kavetching to my on-line friends the other day because they were all saying what wonderful and fabulous plans they had or wanted to have with their husbands on this valentine's day. why the kavetch? well--- as only a true gigalo in david lee roth formation could say....



IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII....... ain't got nooooooooooooooooobody!




not necessarily ALL true, but for tomorrow, I stand valentineless. I mean, sure, I have Troy and all, but he's in NC, so I don't really count that. and I don't count Rhena... kids by default are their parents' valentines. I mean... hell, I'd be pretty sweet on whoever was changing my diaper and feeding me, too! but again... I don't count her. so you know what I mean. for the basis of my blog here, work with me and understand that it got me thinking about alone-ness.


I think that everyone, no matter what state of life they're in, suffers from *some* form of loneliness, solitude, or incompletion... whatever you want to call it.

My one girlfriend has been down in the dumps because she doesn't have a boyfriend. She is really upset about it, too. not slash-the-wrists upset or anything, but.... her lacking of a 'beau' has shifted her focus away from the beautiful, witty, intelligent, loyal, kind, funny, and caring woman that looks back at her in the mirror every day.

One of our mutual friends started dating a guy, but even SHE isn't happy cause she's not as attracted to the new guy as she was her old guy (rather, PREVIOUS guy... not sure of the age, but I know we ain't talkin geriatric.) Her--- I don't understand... being with someone that doesn't make you happy, just so you can say you're with someone?

although come to think of it--- I have another girlfriend that continues to date a guy she doesn't trust and always fight with. *sigh*

I guess where I'm going with this is that loneliness comes in all forms. there's the LACKING style... boo-hoo, troy's in north Carolina, my friend doesn't have a boyfriend.... then there's the have, but aren't happy style, like the two girls I just mentioned....


side note--- I find the 'have-but-not-happy' to be FAR more depressingly lonely than not having something at all.... at least when you don't have something, you can cling to visions of possibilities... when you have but aren't happy.... well... that's pretty much it. I mean... there you are.

and I know my subject is supposed to be loneliness, but this is my blog, so screw it--- I'm going on a tangent. I promise I'll bring it back.... just hang with me for a few minutes.

why do some people never let go?

I mean, you know the type that carries around resentment and anger and hurt??? they say they're fine, they're over it..... but scratch the surface, and whoa nelly, it just got ugly up in here? or worse---- people that are pissed about stuff and never tell the people that pissed them off in the first place?

I mean, I'm all for choosing your battles, but if you choose to not be confrontational, you need to realize that in addition to sucking up or biting tongue, you need to drop it and move on??? if you can 't do that, then you start to turn into one of those people that have things a certain way but don't like them. but in this situation, you've internalized everything, and it's turning you into a big blob of ..... well.... of SOMETHING.

ok-- I just realized I may not be able to get this truck back around again, so....

I think that people like that (big blobs) are deep down pretty lonely.

but then again... aren't we all?


I mean--- whether it's a soul mate, a child, a friend.... male or female... maybe even a pet. A missing relative, maybe even a parent. we're all looking for someone to fill 'that spot'. the spot our hearts ache to be filled. our souls hunger for..... something or someone that validates our existence, and gives us that inner peace.

As for me... eh--- I've got all that. well, at least in terms of husband, child, friends, relatives... I definitely have all of that.... but in terms of inner peace...... well---- that's another story. But I'm one of those bonafida cases of 'it's not you, it's me". it's true... all the external forces in my life are great, and I am SO HAPPY for what I have been blessed with.... yet.... inner peace I have not.

maybe I just need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. either way--- that's a whole other discussion... one that will be held when I am not missing Desperate Housewives.

Happy Valentine's Eve, kiddies. have some chocolate---- Lord knows *I'm* not having any!

XXOO

Lent me two times, baby

so here it is... the first friday of lent, and I'm already ready to crack! I can't stop thinking about moosemunch.

you see, this year, instead of my all-out-crazy-give-up-everything, I've only given up sweets/candies/desserts. but it's KILLING me!!!


I've never had a serious craving for chocolate, nor so much as a bad sweet tooth, but since my last trimester with rhena, I think about chocolate every day. And we're not just talking THINKING, we're talking swollen-tongue-get-some-in-my-mouth-now thinking.

SO I did what any irrational mother living out of a suitcase would do... I gave it up for lent!

I think I'm going to order some from Harry and David so it's waiting for me when we get back from Disney after Easter. Of course, by the time we get back from Disney, it'll be about 4 or 5 days after Easter, and I'll have probably ingested about 20 pounds of chocolate by then, and will most likely be looking for a stomach pump instead of my bag of sugary delight.

So while I have THAT countdown going on... I also realized that Rhena and I will be doing our last week here in Jersey. That's right--- the furniture should be arriving mid next week, which means it's time for a Johnson Family Reunion.

I'm kinda sad about leaving--- of course, I've procrastinated the past two months, so I did not do the amount of visiting I had originally thought I would. SO I'm a little sad for the missed opportunities, and I'm going to miss watching my parents and Rhena interact with each other.

My old man, who for the life of him can't really write a publicly coherent blog entry (meaning you probably won't understand anything he writes unless you've actually met him or have visited the special place we refer to as 'level two') anyways--- Rhena likes him. I think they speak the same language, cause she gets happy when he's around. She even lets him comb her hair.... truly a sign of a deep connection.

You see, readers... there's an unwritten rule that kids generally are afraid of my dad. and forget about the hair combing thing... I've seen kids opt for Chinese Water Torture over the the black wand of death from my dad's back pocket. But Rhena.... she'll peacefully sit there and let the old man comb until his heart's content. Smart girl, I tell you--- always make the guy who signs the checks happy!

I've seen some good bouts of laughter when Mom was at the helm, too.... good times, good times.

But---- like I said, we're looking forward to going HOME. True, it may not FEEL like home yet, but that'll happen soon enough. And I miss Troy. for all of his quirks and smells and noises, he's still mine, and I miss him.

SO KIDDIES---- if I'm kinda sparse this week, it's cause we're scrambling around doing the stuff I should have done last month. or packing. or avoiding chocolate. Have a great weekend!

It all makes sense now

So I think I've figured out why New Yorkers very rarely get fazed by anything.

it all starts with what people like to call sing-alongs.

perhaps I should back up a little.



ok-- so yesterday, Rhena and I went into the city (well-- Brooklyn, actually) to meet up with one of Rhena's boyfriends and his mom. (She and I happen to be friends, too, but that's just an added bonus!) the plan was that all four of us would attend a local sing-along. .....sounded like fun.... we needed to get out anyways.

SO we took the train into Manhattan, and like any good suburban baby form Jersey, rhena was quite excited to be going into the BIG APPLE. .....as you can see in her picture... she was ready! ole Blue Eyes was right---- we wanted to BE A PART OF IT!!!!

her happy twitterpation soon turned into the mother of all scream-fests, cause OF COURSE it was time for her nap, and she was just plain pissed that I had a coat on her. so once EVERYONE in car 1652 of the New Jersey Coastal Line knew how irked my little Princess Buttercup was, (and thus having a chance to concoct some story in their heads about what an abusive mother I am) well, anyways... once she made it good and clear that she was tired and needed a nap, she did just that.

So I lugged my dead-weight through Penn Station and made our way to the subways. Apparently, they're not doing tokens anymore... who knew? yeah... I went to the booth and requested 3 tokens (one for the way to brooklyn, one for the way back, and one for rhena's soon-to-be-imposed-to-do scrapbook--- HAH!) but... I got some paper swipe card with $6 of credit on it. ---- oh well. it'll still keep.

she woke up on the subway... and who wouldn't??? Imagine standing in a small classroom; every square inch covered with chalkboard surface. ....NOW imagine 1 million little elves with verrrrry long fingernails scratching every square inch of that chalkboard. Also.. since we're imagining.... throw in an earthquake for good measure. you are now on the subway.

So this is what got me thinking about the unfazing of new yorkers. If I had to listen to that every day... I'd either be deaf, or just get REALLY good at ignoring any noise.

SO we get to Brooklyn, which was great. My friend and her baby are just the coolest people on earth, even though I kinda hate her secretly cause she's so damn skinny. ....But we're walking. ....cars--- yeah... they're everywhere. busses, taxis, trucks... them too. just one more line item on the list of over-stimulation thus resulting in the non-chalance of the city folk.

Finally, we get to this coffee shop that's hosting this sing along. I actually laughed out loud when we walked in and the first 20 feet of the entrance had succummed to stroller parking. I think I've seen less children in SCHOOLS... this place was freaking PACKED.

As Jody put it as she pointed out all of the decor in the shop---- it's kinda like baby crack. I couldn't have said it better. Breasts were hanging out everywhere, there was MUSIC!!! REAL LIVE MUSIC FROM A LADY WITH A GUITAR!!!!! and there were kids... kids were everywhere... running, singing, dancing.... Truly a utopia for small people.

The sing along was great, though I grade myself about a D+ for my ability to know words and hand movements.

we went to a small french place for lunch, and that too was good. but as we walked... I couldn't help but think of all that surrounded me. Maybe cause I'm just off the boat from the 80's band mecca they call Reno, maybe cause I really AM a picture of a suburban mom with my 100 pound Gracco stroller system and my SUV, and shyness of possibly showing my (EEEK!!) nipple in public whilst breastfeeding.... never mind the fact that the only walking I do is in malls or around small marinas in community parks. (let's face it... I drive EVERYWHERE)

Anyways--- city life has it ALL. anything and everything you could possibly want or think of... it's most likely within walking distance. You can do pilates before eating a bagel on your way to a sex shop, and only have passed 3 or 4 stores. Or... of course, if you feel like going LEFT out of Pilates, you can grab some Thai food before you pick out your wedding dress. Or... skip that door and hit up the seniors' center. SPLENDID! Wisteria Lane, this is not!

SO it all boils down to the fact that with SO MUCH available nearly 24 hours of every day, to all ages, accompanied by big buildings, big lights, and even bigger noises... it's no wonder it takes a lot to impress my stately neighbors. Since their first days at sing-along as babies, these people have seen it all.


So thanks again to Jody and Dov for a great day. It was SO GOOD to meet you, and we really had fun. But as good as the day was, I have to say that the best part of the whole day was when we were heading home, and my little peanut stepped up to the plate and showed a tribute to the big apple. Subway and trains be damned.... she slept the whole way home!

Soup or Bowl Sunday

Gotta say--- as much as I would have LIKED to have soup or have gone bowling yesterday... neither happened.

Instead, I watched some football for a few hours.


I think last night was the first time in a while that I JUST DIDN'T CARE about what was happening on the boob tube. I *TRIED* to pay attention to commercials, cause everyone knows superbowl commercials are the best... but again... I must have missed the good ones.

the 2 quarters that I watched left me so apathetic, that I actually didn't mind sitting upstairs with the monster while it took her over an hour to fall asleep. you've got to figure that the networks will play the shit out of the best commercials in these next few days anyway, so again, I say no biggie.

yes, the whole event has left me feeling like I need a good bowl of soup. I mean--- let's face it. when you can't muster the energy to be excited about the superbowl, there's NO HOCKEY, and the only thing coming UP is auto racing.... well--- like I said... it leaves me with a cold, nasty feeling inside that sometimes can be fixed with a nice bowl of soup. or bowling.

call me crazy, but those Polack roots really took hold with me, and I LIKE bowling. Screw the big Lebowski (DUDE)...we've got twelve letters of maiden name power up in here. I'm actually looking forward to north Carolina cause the workmate of troy has a kid who bowls. call me pathetic that I'm looking forward to bowling with a 10 year old, but hey... Rhena hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet.

speaking of the pooper--- tomorrow she's meeting the big apple. that's right-- my travellin' baby and I are going to a sing-a-long class. I shudder to say the words, because of all the yuppie connotations behind it, but yes--- Rhena has a playdate. I don't want to say too much, cause if my friend realizes the grave error she made by inviting me to a SING ALONG class... the invite might be rescinded. ....so...... more about that tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to go see about that soup.

Girls' Night Out

So THAT was fun!!!!


Friday night, my girlfriend Jennifer and I went out to dinner in the city.

we went to a place called English is Italian. Apparently, it's owned by the same restaurant group that owns Rum Jungle in Vegas. and APPARENTLY, Rum Jungle is a restaurant, not just a place to get smashed off my rocker on Monday nights in Vegas???? WHO KNEW?


But back to the night out. Did I mention I got to go out a night without the baby???? IT WAS GREAT!!!!

As soon as I got Rhena in the car, she began to scream her head off.... and proceeded to do so until we reached Derek and Dawn's some half hour later. I'm thinking she's still a little resentful from the entire day she spent in the back seat on the way back from North Carolina?

But no matter--- I had makeup on, and there was no turning back!

Got her to my bro's, gave a paltry list of instructions to Dawn, (which, in retrospect, is a joke. My sister in Law has like a MEDAL in motherhood.... three kids that are polite AND cute. what the hell could I possibly tell HER that she hasn't already done blindfolded while changing a diaper?) anyways--- juiced the kid up a little with a few more shots of milk, then headed out.

Out is such a powerful word. it means a lot of different things to many types of people. For the Homosexual Culture, I imagine it's a scary yet liberating word. For a teenager with a driver's license... probably euphoric. I guess the common thread though is that it insinuates freedom. ESPECIALLY to parents.

I was OUT. no crying, no wet diapers, no puke, no drool, no high-pitched conversations and loud toys. New York City never seemed so blissfully quiet.

don't get me wrong... I love my little pooper, it was just really really nice to get out.

The restaurant itself was immaterial... though I did enjoy the dinner. (3 main 'courses', each filled with a sampling of foods representative of that course. the courses were antipasto, pastas, and meats... and I was able to find a favorite and a "I'll never need to try that again in my life" food from each course.)

But again--- it was nice to be out. I ate, I drank wine, and I didn't call to check on Rhena. SO thanks to Jen, cause you could say I really needed that.

But thanks also to Rhena for smiling at me when I came to pick her up again. That's the kind of stuff I need even more.

Yes, I'm still alive!

ok---- I've been bad. I admit... I haven't blogged for the life of me lately, and that's just out of plain laziness. Even worse, cause I made so much fun of my brother for not blogging, and here I was doing the same thing.


I have my reasons, though. Laziness, of course, being suspect numero uno.

but the other thing, and this one is valid... is that I haven't had much to talk about. well-- I've had plenty to talk about... there's been some rotten veggies in my bottom drawer a number of times these past few weeks, but it's not like I can actually WRITE about them on here, cause someone will probably read about it, and know I'm talking about them!

it sucks when your main reason for blogging is to use it as a vent about crap going on in your life, then realizing that you can only vent about people who will probably never read your blog!

what I'm getting at here people, is that... well.... simply put-

I don't like scrapbooking.

That's all I can say about that... and if that sentence means anything to you, I've probably already vented to you about it, or you are the person I'm talking about!!! If you're still in the dark, then you can ether e-mail me, and I'll tell you the story, or just let it go away quietly... which is ultimately what I'm hoping for.


But in other news--- we closed on the house. there were a few things (about 4,500) that came up unexpectedly with the closing, but with the help of the Bank of 9 Albert, we were able to get the house without a hitch. and lemmee tell you--- this house rocks.


I LOVE my new house. love love love LOOOOOOOOVE my new house! Everyone is invited over, just as soon as we get our furniture, and Rhena and I get there. it's so great. did I say that I love it????

I am so frigging excited about my kitchen that I may just sleep in it the first night in the house.

The town is great, too--- there's this little plaza thing with shoppes (yeah-- I mean shoppes... not shops! we's in a HIGH CLASS area now!) OH! and there's a wine bar, and cafes... and a pool, and a kid's pool, and lots of sidewalks to walk, and did I mention that I love our new house???? We are SO not in Reno anymore....


Anyways--- things are great. Rhena has *just* about recovered from the drive from NC to jersey..... and I'm actually going out tonight baby-less with my girlfriend. Aunt Dawn and Uncle Derek are babysitting, and I'm going to go into the city to see if I can find my sanity. well-- that, and I plan on eating my face off! AND using both hands to eat! I may even take extra-long to eat each course cause I know there's no monitor ready to inform me of when princess poopy-pants is waking up from another really short nap.

so life is good. Just keep that scrapbooking shit away, ok?