Note to self

only eating one envelope of apple raisin oatmeal, a caramel creme latte from Dunkin Donuts, some french's fried onions, way too many emerald brownie-glazed walnuts and pecan pie glazed pecans, and topped off with practically an entire bag of cheddar munchies and a diet sprite over the course of one day is NOT a good mix, and will most definitely result in vomiting profusely at 3:30am followed by frequent and violent bouts of diarrhea.

House Bound

Next time your child decides to take your keys and head for the door....

dress them like THIS....

I guarantee they won't be wanting to go very far.***

***No, the glasses are not from Elton John's personal collection... they're actually from Barbie's newest line at Target. Fancy that! (and NO... they're not the jacked-up chemical burn-inducing kind that target used to sell. these just cause blindness when broken and jabbed into a child's eye)

****and YES, I will make my daughter wear the birthday girl hat every day from now up to and including my birthday next week.

*****Also... forcing the hat and sunglasses as a means to keep your child from running away will probably work better with teenagers. Rhena actually seemed to LIKE the hat and glasses....

Mating Season

yup... I said it.

out loud.


MATING SEASON.



I was reading a friend's blog today (while furtively working on finishing my invites to the Christmas Social) and she casually mentioned something about not having very many girlfriends.


SO this, of course.. got me to thinking.


Mating, for people at least... can mean so much to so many different people.

I mean, for me personally... when it comes to mating....I think about when I need to dig out the spoils from my Victoria's Secret stash so I can lure my husband away from work long enough to try to impregnate me. Nooooo... we are not currently trying to get pregnant.... I'm just saying that that's what I think of when I hear the word mating. I think of getting knocked up. pure, unadulterated Discovery Channel stuff.... or maybe a little Animal Planet??? at the very least.... it's primal, it's quick, and we get the job done. Except with fancy panties, of course.


And for all intents and purposes, I'd say a lot of other people think that way too.... I know for a period of about 7 years, my brother and sister-in-law had some furvor to produce every two years or so.... and some other people are like that too... certain amount of time goes by, and tick tick tick... get er done!


Now, mentally stretching back to my single days, I remember this internal yearning I would get each late fall for some semblance of a relationship. Aaah... the holidays with a boyfriend... dare to dream! Well.... actually, come to think of it... I'm lying. I never had a yearning to be in a relationship. I mean, sure, every once in a while it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up next to, but thinking back, I never really was into that whole relationship thing until a guy or two before troy. Good thing I met him when I did... any sooner, and I doubt we would have lasted a month.

but I digress. my point is that come the Holiday season, in the single world, I know it is common to want to settle down (hunker down??) with someone for the cold weather... then come the spring and summer... with the fresh cut grass and boys not wearing shirts while they play volleyball... well, relationships just seemed futile at that point of the year.

But now... as a mom barely surviving in the blueprint for Stepford.... I see another mating ritual that happens... and it seems quite opposite of the Singletons (thank you, Bridget Jones). It's a mom-mating season, and by my observations, I think the season is over. In the spring and early summer... mothers and children were EVERYWHERE. Each mom and child perfectly preened and able to do the Queen Elizabeth wave... on every block.. every street... every corner... (wait... not the CORNERS... that was my OLD neighborhood... we don't do corners here...) But you get the point.

Mothers and Fathers with their offspring were just about everywhere you looked, and seemed to be holding an invisible sign that whispered "be my friend".... And as much as I found it utterly charming of what a friendly neighborhood I was living in... I have to admit... it was kind of creepy. But now.... there is a change that hangs in the air. Our weekly playgroup rarely gets a percentage of the original participants... people don't "stop to chat" in the grocery store or on the sidewalk.... heads are down, and the walks have become brisk. Most notably... the waving has damn near stopped.

So this leads me to two theories. One is that people have found out I'm a raging bitch who doesn't hand wash her baseboards and wears clothes from Old Navy and Joyce Leslie instead of Ann Taylor and Neiman Marcus. Maybe someone told someone who told someone who heard it from someone that I don't wash my floors every week, and vacuum even less? Maybe there's a secret coalition out there to take away my pearls and banish me from Stepford????

Maybe. But maybe I'm onto something with the mating thing. I mean... this time of year is BUSY. B-U-S-Y buuuuuusy! I know *I* sure as hell don't want to stop and chat in the grocery store, and dragging rhena's ass to playgroup each week is increasingly difficult when I think of the Christmas shopping I could be getting done instead of watching somone else's two year old double fist doughnuts and break toys while they blow snot on pianos. Jeez... the more I think about it.. staying home with a severe head cold sounds better than playgroup some days!!

Maybe I'm sending off a signal that says "back the fuck off... I probably hate you"... but the thing is... I've DONE that before, and it doesn't work. Remember... I'm from Jersey... I've got that look down pat! But nope... southern folk eat that shit up.... must be all the BBQ they eat... I think they're something in BBQ that draws southern folk to bitchy notherners.

but whatever it is... I'm still putting my bets on the seasonal thing. which is pretty funny. I mean, not funny hah-hah.... but funny ironic in that in the midst of the Season that is supposed to be about goodwill and happy horseshit and glad tidings... this commune of happy that I live in is hunkering down and avoiding people like the flu.

oh well. I was thinking about wearing my pearls to playgroup this wednesday, just to test the waters.... but this week is already cancelled due to lack of interest.


Guess I'll take that time to go food shopping. I suppose it would be nice if I actually had something to cook on thanksgiving.


have a great weekend, gang!

Season Check

ok, ok... due to some minor complaints of how early I've begun my Christmas attack on this blog....


I'm posting this VERY AUTUMN picture of Rhena to prove I know what season it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more presents to wrap.

fa la la la laaaaaa...... la la la laaaaaa.

Jingling Baby

I TOLD you it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!!


Turns out playgroup was cancelled today... so me and boogie are going shopping. (I know, I know... Boogie and I... Boogie and I are going shopping....) Time to knock off that list and maybe buy a turkey so we can eat like savages next week.


Hope all is well with you, and don't forget to vote in this week's match-up.


and one final side note... today is my brother Derek's birthday..... every year on his birthday, I'm fluttered with many emotions. First and foremost... utter amazement of just how OLD he is getting... second... that he's survived this long without causing TOO much worldly harm... and finally.... HAPPY ANTICIPATION knowing thet MY birthday is only 2 weeks and a day away... hooray!

Happy birthday, big bruddah. you know I love you.....

peace out, kiddies.... time to SHOP!

Shooting at God

Last night in my CCD class, we were reviewing the 10 commandments with my second grade class. At first I thought I'd be sweating through the questions regarding adultery and coveting neighbors' wives and goods etc... but the big one they fixed on last night was killing. They all understood that it's wrong to kill someone, but then the questions and "what if" scenarios began. What if you're being attacked and someone is hurting you and you try to protect yourself and they die? What if you're starting a race and your gun shoots somebody? Are all soldiers going to the bad place???

wow. the first two examples were pretty easy.. after all, accidents happen and they use blanks to start races..... no... not corks... they're just blank bullets that make noise but have no projectile. No... when you hold the gun up in the air to start the race, it's not a sin. What? no... God doesn't think you're shooting at Him.. it's a race. it's ok.

But the war talk started. I can honestly say I wasn't prepared to answer these kids. How do I teach "thou shall not Kill" without taking away the honor of all the millions of soldiers whom have fought for and defended my freedoms? So slowly... carefully... we proceeded.

I told the children that being in the Armed Services is a job. And as long as they are following the orders in which they are given, then they are not going to go to the Bad Place, even though some people might die. That whomever CREATED the war was to blame, not the people affected by it.

The kids seemed to understand enough that killing is wrong, but they were definitely hedging on the grey areas. I guess I was, too. How can I proclaim that killing is wrong, yet selfishly enjoy all the freedoms which have been fought for so I may enjoy? I mean... how the hell (I mean BAD PLACE) do you answer a question like that????

In the end, I said some metaphors and examples of situations which *sort* of quelled their questions... but it definitely left me with questions of my own. Of course... I didn't have much time to dwell on my own thoughts in class, cause then another child asked about killing turkeys for thanksgiving, and if we eat turkey are we saying it's ok to kill animals.


I glazed over that one real quick by telling the child that some people believed that, which is why they only eat vegetables, and that's a personal choice for each of us to make.... then changed to the next commandment.

between you and me, though.... when it comes to meat... well.... sorry Tom Turkey.... but if you care to discuss my thoughts on the topic more, I'll invite you over to my house for dinner on the 24th....

Monday's Match-up....

ok... so according to last week.... the general populous of readers here tend to lean towards the bread. Not saying that a good portion of you don't enjoy the red stuff.... just when push comes to shove... y'all want carbs. I personally would have had to vote for stuffing, too (or DRESSING... thanks, Carlotta). I don't think I've ever eaten cranberry sauce with the exception of having it spread on a chicken and brie pizza. (very good, btw... spread the cran sauce over a boboli or the likes... top with grilled chicken and brie cheese. Bake til cheese melts. perfect for an appetizer for a large group. yum!)


Anyways......... this week, I present yet another Holiday dilemma. LIGHTS.


In my unending quest to be the first recipient of the Nobel "getting Shit Done" Prize.... I started decorating the house for Christmas this past weekend. So far, things are coming together quite nicely. Tomorrow I plan on 'fluffing' the tree (it's a fake one and looks a bit mushed after being in a box all year) and hanging the lights.

Now I know how *I* want my lights to look.... but what gets YOUR chesnuts roasting??? This week... for fear of one of my relatives making a racially inappropriate comment... we'll leave the color of said lights up to you. What I really need to know is...

BLINKING

or

NON-BLINKING

Now if you're one of the three people who still have your bubbling lantern lights from the 50's.... you should just say Blinking, and go back to eating your TV dinners and waiting for the fire department to show up for your hazard-ridden tree.

so which shall it be, gang???? I find it utterly intriguing as to what really makes the season bright for you. Again... for your tree.. I don't care if you prefer colored or white lights.... I'm more curious if you're a blinker or solid-glow.

so without further ado....

ding, ding.....

Keep on Truckin'

yeah... so once again, life imitates art, or art imitates life.... whichever the saying is.


I think right now my life is feeling a bit like a Monet... you know... from a few yards back, it looks all great and pretty, but when you get all close it looks a bit fuzzy and out of shape?

yeah... Monet.. party of one??? My table is now available!



but alas.... as BJ and the Bear and other various super-smooth characters from the 70's proclaimed with ease... I shall "keep on truckin'.... " .... I just wish I knew where I was going.

I guess what I mean to say is... lately I've been busy in a don't-feel-like-I'm-getting-anything-done kind of way. Neglect has been the word of the day since about last Friday or so... but yet I've been busy every day and literally crash exhaustedly each night when it's time for bed.

perhaps I just have a case of the 80-percents. You may not have heard this terminology before, but I know you know what it is. it's when you've got a shitload of stuff going on, and you've been working on all of said shitloads... and I mean busting-your-ass-every-day-really-WORKING on those loads of shit.... but each day you wake up, you still have those loads to work on. NOTHING IS COMPLETE. Ergo, you're left feeling like each day is a complete burn-out, as you continue to spin your wheels and nothing gets crossed off your list.

Don't get me wrong.... I know what the problem is... I have too much shit going on. I should just strap my A.D.D. ass down with some duct tape and focus on one thing at a time... but whoever came up with that plan obviously did not have a toddler toodling around... much less a toddler like Rhena.

At the very least... The basic shit of this house is getting done. Laundry, cooking, (some) cleaning, feeding, changing, showering, sleeping.... but that needs to be done every day, and that indeed does take up about 80% of my day. That's on the list eternal. Therefore.. in my free time... I'm left to do everything else.

Let's just say I'd pay at least a dollar to see Superman be so damn "super" if he had to take care of a kid and husband all day. fucker.

Again... I've said this before, and I'll say it 1000 more times... I love my job. I love my boogie, and I appreciate that I have the 'cush job' of staying home with my child. (sorry... I'm still holding on to a teeny bit of bitterness for the people that think staying at home is easy) No... letting go of the bitter... seriously... I'm fucking lucky. I know this. We are financially in a position that affords me to stay home and raise our child in a matter which is important to my husband and I. Actually... strike that. I'm not lucky. WE WORKED FOR THIS. This is not luck.

Troy and I both worked to get where we are today. We have scrimped. we have saved. we have moved away from our families to get better incomes and move to lower cost-of-living regions. We took extra jobs. we paid off our credit cards. we forego little luxuries like me getting my hair done every 4-6 weeks, and trade for every 4-6 months. We bought our house figuring on Troy's income alone, even when we were both working full time, knowing that some day, whether through birth or adoption, that we would be raising a child, and I would not be working.

So no... I'm not LUCKY to be staying at home. This is my and my husband's choice. (side note... we HAVE been fortunate enough to receive help and support from our family and friends in some or various capacities ((emotional, physical, financial)) at every stage of our lives, so yes... I do acknowledge that there has been some luck/fortune involved with us getting to where we are today.) Hmmmm... so much of letting go of the bitter! HAH!!!

so AGAIN... before I digress any further.... yes. I love my job, I love my life. I just have a ton of shit going on right now. My in-box is full, so to speak.


But that's all fine and dandy. Right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, but at the rate I'm going, with this get-a-little-bit-of-everything-done-each-day plan.... December should have me up for a Nobel Prize. There *is* a Nobel Prize Category for "Getting Shit Done", right???????

Definition of a Clusterfuck

no... I'm not going to actually DEFINE the word clusterfuck to you... but can I TELL you that some people really need to get their shit together???

I mean... let's face it. not everyone is a good leader. As much as it's fun watching people get 'fired' or find out who just isn't "a good fit"... no one really needs the Don or Martha to tell us who sucks ass at being a leader. unfortunately... sometimes it's just painfully obvious.


now last night struck a chord with me in particular. Not sure if I told you all or not, but I've been volunteering as a second grade teacher for the religious education (CCD) program at my church. SO last night was a class night.

Turns out that a mysterious 'letter' went home to some parents but not others. Said letter mentioned how last night would be a presentation for both the children and their parents regarding appropriate 'touching' for in the home and life in general. Imagine the surprise when little Johnny's mother shows up with her other toddlers in tow, to drop little Johnny off, only to find out that they indeed were NOT free for the next hour or so, and they were to stay with Little Johnny (and subsequent screaming toddlers) for the next hour in an already crowded room. Let's just say there were A LOT of pissy parents.

Now, for some people... an hour is not a lot of time. meetings run late... traffic can stall your journey...the doctor or dentist that keeps you waiting an extra half hour past your appointment time in the waiting room even though you show up 20 minutes BEFORE your scheduled appointment like they requested.... in fact, I know for sure that a MINIMUM of an hour of each of my days is wasted on something beyond my control.

But on this one, I think I have to side with the parents. I mean... I will gladly devote all 24 hours of my day to my child if needed. but if I KNOW I have a one hour break from said child, and this is a regular and scheduled event... imagine my dismay if I get blind-sided with this when walking through a door on a monday evening. now... I know I know... sometimes accidents happen, so you, as a parent, need to be prepared at any hour.... but the point is... not all of the parents got letters saying what the plan was for the evening... and NONE of the teachers were notified.....

I suppose this is what pissed me off the most... cause as little Johnny's teacher, I am the one the parent comes running to the first time they have an issue or question. now if *THEY* don't know what's going on, and *I* don't know what's going on... and the 'organizers' of said program are nowhere to be found... well.... it just doesn't make for a good time.

Eventually, everything got worked out, but not without a number of firey tempers to be smoothed. I mean... in the grand scheme, I suppose this is really no big deal, but given the fact that this is the second instance of a 'program' that was scheduled for the parents and their children and I as their teacher did not receive any knowledge of said programs until afterwards or the day of... well, it makes for a pretty frustrated teacher.

oh well... I sent an e-mail requesting that they at least include the teachers on any communication that goes home to the parents. I mean... the directors want of copy of everything WE send home... fair is fair, right?

I still haven't heard back yet, so we'll see what happens. All I know is that there's two big 'events' coming up for my class this year... the kids will make their first Reconciliation and First Holy Communion... two pretty important Sacraments to us Catholics. If the communication continues to be as bad as it was last night throughout the year.. clusterfuck won't even be HALF the description that will be needed.

It's beginning...

to look a lot like a match-up!!!

actually, my house is beginning to look more and more like a war zone, but hey... the holidays are upon us, so I can't see why this year would be any different for me.


That's right... I've begun not only the regular preparations for Thanksgiving/Christmas... but I've hit my stride with preparation's for this year's Christmas Social. The Save the Date announcements are almost all created and delivered..... I've begun working on the favors... and have been mentally doing the layouts for the actual invites. Still to do are the rules for the gift exchange, the actual creation of and delivery of the invites, determine and buy the grand prize for the gift exchange... send my in-laws ' birthday gifts (late since beginning of October.. ugggg) start writing our Christmas cards, buy Christmas presents, buy a turkey and all the food stuff.... ummm.. and what else?? oh maybe SLEEP?????


It's just really difficult to find the zen of the impending holidays when it's been in the upper 70's all week. QUITE the change from the frigid brown state of Nevada we were in last year. I mean... I realize there are some people out there that DESPISE the holidays... so they just never ever get into the mood-slash-spirit... but I'm not one of those people. I eat this season UP!!! ahh.... too many thoughts to write about here regarding that... but anyways...

THE MATCH-UP!!!


I figured with all the world shifting in high gear towards the next month and a half... I might as well, too.


so today... I ask you, my dear readers... to answer a deep... IMPORTANT question.....

which kicks more ass????

STUFFING

or

CRANBERRY SAUCE

I know... this may be an easy one for each of you to answer... but globally... I'm really curious which would be the preferred side dish to your thanksgiving meal. Mind you, I didn't say turkey, cause I respect those of you out there that just chomp on veggies for fun.

So whatever it is that stuffs your gourd this month... which is your preferred condiment/accompaniment with dinner??

important shit, here, people.... I gotta know!


DING DING!!!!

Can't...... stop.......... SMILING.....

ok... so I *THOUGHT* I could wait til tonight, but I lied.


Here's my Boogie... in all of her Halloweeny-Bandstand-Sock Hop-Whatever-you-call-it-she's-frigging-adorable-Costume...... forget candy.... I'm just gonna chew on Rhena's leg all day!

costume check!!!! ...making sure her skirt is on straight...

Waiting for a nice fella to ask her to dance....

That's all, folks!!!! have a safe and happy Halloween!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Ok... I'm back again.... our friend Melissa was visiting us from Seattle since wednesday, so I've been busy hanging out with her. But back to Halloween!


The good news is.... the jack o'lantern survived Mischief Night.... kinda happy it did, considering it was my first pumpkin-gutting experience. Well.. at least the first I can honestly remember. I really didn't care for the pumpkin innerds, though. Looked like wet hair, and the smell was kinda gross. I mainly watched troy do all the work (hey, I took the pictures... THAT was work!) but I did help remove the seeds from the hair on the hat of the lantern. Again... not a huge fan of the wet-hair-smelling-gross innerds. I think I like my pumpkin best from a can, thank-you-very-much!


here's a few pictures from Saturday.... quite the wholesome fun here in the Johnson house, if I do say so myself.... well... minus the whole big-ass carving knife and everything..... but other than that... pretty wholesome! Rumor has it that we're going to roast those pumpkin seeds, too.... anyone want to join in the chorus of koom-bay-ya? Yeah... me either.

Well, enjoy the pictures, and have a trickity-treaty kind of day. I'll have more pictures tomorrow or late tonight of Boogie in her gear.

APOLOGY

.... to the poor guy who was jogging through our development this morning. When I slowed down on the way home from church for Troy to open the window and yell... "Hey dude... you can run faster than that!!!" we HONESTLY thought you were our neighbor.


oops.


but hey.... thanks for the laugh!

Crafty Bastids!!!

so I was driving around today, listening to some crappy pop-current-rap radio station when I noticed something different about my radio display.


I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about... you know.. it's called RDS or something.... where the digital display for your radio console tells you what station you're listening to, and they also show the artist and song name? or at least 80% of the time, the station shows like 80% of the information....

for example... it has taken me 5 trips to Kindermusik class, the grocery store, playgroup and target to see bits and pieces of information enough for me to figure out that the song I've been digging lately is called "Gold Digger" by Kanye West. (please... don't ruin my little world and tell me the song has been out for a year now.... I'd like for once to think I'm still within a 3-month current rule???)


either way... the song got my attention cause it sounded like Ray Charles mixed in as a backtrack... only to find out it's Jamie Foxx who's singing it, which now is making me think that the song IS a year old, cause Jamie played that role in Ray HOW long ago????

but I digress. this RDS thing is nice.... when it works, that is. sometimes the station does not send out the digital info... and sometimes my car only displays partial information. for example... for a while, I only saw "Gold" when the song played... then I got a "KANYE" and "DIGGER" another time.... so detective that I am, I put it all together to figure shit out.


but all hoorays aside for me... the RDS system is nice. keeps me *somewhat* in tune with what's going on in musical America.... or at least the 5 most popular songs of the week, cause you KNOW the radio stations around here play the same shit over and over again......


but TODAY...... the crafty Bastards at my I-guess-you-could-call-it-my favorite radio station stopped displaying info about the music I was listening to. Today... they were sending out promotional information for their station. telling me to listen to the station to win $5000. (which, by the way... came in as a clear and complete sentence.. unlike the partial shit-ass info they send for the songs...)


So I'm torn on this topic. while I think it's ingenious to push out commercials WHILE the music is playing... I find it rather retarded that they're telling me to listen to their station. I mean... what's the point of THAT message when I'm ALREADY LISTENING TO THEM????? Now, if they figured out how to send that info for when I'm listening to a DIFFERENT STATION.... I'd be impressed. They'd probably find themselves in a lawsuit, too, but I'd still give a whup-whup for the set of balls that would take.


but back to my torn-ness. I find it crafty.... but think they should find a better message to pump out. Like shopping at one of their sponsor's stores or something. (capitalizing money monger in me, sorry.....)

But then, I get pissed at the thought, cause I'm like... DUDE.... I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M LISTENING TO!!!!!! and then I think... well, SHIT... if they can send out whatever info they want... why can't the fuckers send out USEFUL information... like the weather or traffic forecast.... and if there's an Amber Alert or hurricane warning or something... will THAT information get sent out????


I'm betting not... which pisses me off. Instead... I get told to listen to their station. Which, naturally, I only get told to do WHILE listening to their station. I mean, I appreciate their eagerness and I think it's great that they're running a promotion that could win me $5000 dollars.... but I honestly would rather just go back to my shitty partial information of what song came out a year ago.......

Ten minutes in Heaven

some days things just work out perfectly.


Today, I had ten minutes of pure delicious-ness that I won't soon forget.... and for once, I'm not talking about food.



This morning, my little boogie cuddled with me for ten minutes.


let me repeat that, cause I doubt you can even begin to understand just how awesome this is to me....


RHENA CUDDLED WITH ME.

BY CHOICE.




At this point, there are a few voices in my head that are refusing to just shut up.. they're the ones that tell me that she cuddles up to me every night when we say her prayers, and then how could I forget of all the times she clings to me like the forgotten dryer sheet....

but this time.. this morning.... something was different.



there were no tears.... there were no ulterior motives.... she wasn't tired and ready for bed.... she just gave me some loving. BY CHOICE.



Readers... I assure you... having that little booger just lay quietly with me under a blanket for ten minutes was like a week's vacation. Every inch of my body felt refreshed and as if it had a drink of pure sunshine and flowers. My spine unraveled, knots loosened, and my forehead uncreased.

for ten whole minutes, I knew my place in the world, and it was no where else but right next to me.


for ten minutes... I was not needed as much as just enjoyed, and the silence was a symphony in my heart.


for ten minutes, I wasn't worried about her weight, or my weight, or hurricanes or bills, or what was for dinner, or the zit on my forehead, or laundry, or anything at all for that matter.



for ten whole minutes... I was in Heaven. I was under a blanket, laying right next to my beautiful baby girl, and we were quietly enjoying each other's company. Heaven, I tell you.... pure Heaven.

Match-up

ok... this post is already lame, and I haven't even written a full sentence yet. ok, well, maybe now I have... but you know what I was saying.



Let's see... it's monday AGAIN. I have to admit, the match-up has kinda lost that lovin' feeling for me... but maybe it's cause I just haven't had the energy to think of a really good pairing. It could also be because I've been siding with the minority contenders lately, and I hate seeing my dudes lose week after week?

Nonetheless.... we need to slap some more contenders in the ring and see who prevails.


Being that we're a week out from Halloween, I ought to stick with the ghouls and goblins theme... but now that I said Goblin, I can't get the spiderman villains out of my head....

But alas... The Green Goblin is NOT in the ring this week. who to pick... who to pick???

...I was wanting to do a Freddy vs Jason matchup... but there was a movie already made to that effect, and I'm sure at least SOMEONE out there watched it... even if was in a drunken stupor or because you were sick on the couch and couldn't find the remote.... I realize that bad movies do eventually get watched. (speaking of... if anyone DID actually watch the movie... who won???)


so rather than talk about all the people I'm NOT putting in the match-up this week... I'll just go ahead and get back to basics.

this week, I give you:

DRACULA

vs

the WEREWOLF

I feel bad for not knowing any werewolves personally.... other than Teen Wolf and An American Werewolf in London.... but it's not like I'm on a first-name basis with them. Vampires do get a bit more billing... there's Lestat, Dracula, the King Vamp dude from Salem's Lot.... so for all intents and purposes of this match-up....

Let's just assume that the werewolf in the ring is the biggest, baddest MEANEST mofo you can imagine (as far as werewolves go) and Dracula is along the lines of Bram Stoker's pal. or some other comparable bad-ass... not some wussie old clowny fart like Grandpa from the Munsters.


don your garlic and silver bullets, kiddies...... and stay away from dark places......


so who would it be?

DING DING......

Greased Pigs and other baby fun

Well... the time has begun for yet another change here in Johnson-ville. Apparently the child whom I gave birth to has decided she is more akin to a greased pig than a little lady in training.


ok, enough with the eye rolls.... me saying that Rhena coulda shoulda woulda been a lady in training isn't THAT far fetched, is it????

wait... better not answer that.


anyways... so the new FUN FUN FUN GOTTA DO IT EVERY TIME thing here is that Rhena refuses to sit still for a diaper change.


So I'm sure every parent goes through this, but this does not remove my right to bitch about it.

THE DAMN KID WON'T STAY STILL!!!!!


seriously... as soon as the diaper is off... she sets into action... twist, >>FLIP!!<< , stand up... and run away. this wouldn't be SO much of an issue if she weren't on a changing table some three feet up in the air???? or those fun times when her ass is still covered in shit.... yeah... good times indeed. I'm sure it's just a stage that she'll finish when she learns to... oh, I dunno... USE A REAL TOILET.... but for now.. it's new... and extremely difficult.


I assure you I have tried many methods to keep the little booger occupied and somewhat distracted from the fun fun fun of the baby rodeo... but all roads eventually lead to her streaking through the quad a la Will Ferrell in Old School. I will ALSO assure you that putting a diaper on a standing baby who INSISTS on doing the running man is no easy feat either..... I mean, seriously... throw some leg warmers on this kid, and we have our own little showing of Flashdance going on.

The good news in all of this is that Rhena thinks it's all HYSTERICALLY funny, and hearing her laugh really is the best thing ever..... I just wish I thought she was laughing WITH me... and not AT me.

Open Invitation, and other stuff I keep forgetting

ok... so I've been meaning to say this for a while... but for all of you who though Nessie could kick the Jersey Devil's ass.... I and the handful of other people with a clue openly invite you to spend a night in the Pine barrens wearing a t-shirt that says "I voted for Nessie".


Seriously. I mean... I need to make it known that if the Devil ever comes down to Georgia (yes, I know I'm in North Carolina.... but you have to PASS THROUGH here to get to Georgia...) anyways... if he ever heads south, I want him knowing I gave props, and he can skip dropping a reign of hell fire and spiked tails on our house.


Nessie. sheesh.


ok... so my bad... I was supposed to come up with a different monster match-up each week this month. oops. Truth is... I've been waaaaay too distracted to really sit down and blog these days. I mean... right now... I SHOULD be talking about all the stuff I've been forgetting to tell you-slash-write about... but all I can honestly think about are the different charlie brown movies.

Yeah. I know. I can't really explain it.... but here's a diagram of how things work in Carrie's world.....

well, then again... I guess I forgot the whole "make this stupid diagram" bubble.... but y'all get the idea. I'm DISTRACTED PEOPLE!!!!

and of course... now I've completely forgotten what I had wanted to say before when I said I was going to talk about stuff I keep forgetting. talk about irony.


oh well..... there's always later. besides.... the dryer buzzer just went off, so it must be time to wash the floor......?????

Home again

It is SO GOOD to be back home again.


Been on the road (air, train tracks, what-have-you) for the past week with Rhena.... but am finally back in Charlotte.


We had some good times along the way, despite being sick the entire week. We are both on antibiotics now, though, so I think we'll be feeling good in no time.


The short of it is that I went to visit my inlaws, and sandwiched a girls' reunion thing over the weekend. All in all, my take away was on the plus side. Rhena spent time with her grandma and grandpa, I had my first night away from Rhena since she was born (actually two nights, but who's counting??), I had a little fun, and I got to know my friends a little better. I can without a doubt say that I left the girls' weekend liking everyone more than I did before the weekend. Now..... that's not to say that I DISLIKED anyone before the weekend as much as I'm saying that meeting and seeing them in person made me like them even more. So it was good.


On the downside... I was sick as a dog, and was really feeling like crap the whole weekend. I did NOT get to eat and drink my way through Chicago, but I imagine my bank account and waistline are pleased with that. I, on the other hand, was left feeling slightly disappointed. Combine this with a HUGE hotel screw-up (long story.. we ended up getting bumped from our hotel that was downtown to accommodations that were 18 miles out....) the maximum exposure I was having to estrogen, and then that damn cold making me sneeze and blow my nose every other second... well... the weekend was also a little bit of a bummer.

Take it back? certainly not. Do it again? in a heartbeat!!!


Again... all in all... there were tons of positives from the weekend. I am truly happy I was able to meet the 8 women I did for a weekend away. They are all amazing women, with different stories and different thoughts. They are caring, supportive, funny, generous and classy. (well, at least when they want to be!) It's unfortunate that the eight women I met were only half of our full group, but I still feel fortunate to have met the ones I did.

The cold? yeah... me having a cold sucked big ass. The hotel??? yeah... that pissed me off, too. But in one way... I guess it was good that I was a very simmered down version of myself. I took the time to listen to and observe these women... my friends... in person. And for what that's worth.... well... like I said... I just like them all the more now.... and friends like these...... well, they only come along once in a coon's ass hair on a dog leg's tied up and left wet age, I reckon!

It's so easy to fall in love....

We found a pumpkin patch, and I... in turn.... found a new reason why Autumn is my favorite season. Here's to new family traditions.....