T K O

I originally began writing this post on tuesday, but never finished, then I found out about my uncle so I never posted it. here's a glimpse of how my week started out, though.


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welcome to the house of technicalities! I'm your host, but you can just call me "I must look like I have shit for Brains"... or of course... 'mommy' for short.


So today's been one of those 'get a lot of shit done' days... or at least ATTEMPT to. Danny's been kinda sick lately, so I'm trying to stay closer to the house and let him sleep as much as possible so he can get over this cold once and for all.


Rhena seemed perfectly content to be muddling around the house doing her own thing. this leaving me free to fold the Mt. Vesuvius of laundry I've got going.. I figure, what the hell. well, that's until rhena comes into danny's room holding her pyjama pants and panties in her hands and tells me,


"Mommy.. I need new panties. these have pee pee all over them."


WHAT??? whothewhatthehuh??? Mind you my surprise is truly genuine; rhena has been accident free for almost 2 months now.


"Rhena... why did you make pee pee in your pants??? You're supposed to use the bathroom! You know that!"


"BUT MOMMY.... I DID use the bathroom. I made pee pee by Daddy's sink!"


*sigh*


ok, so after all was cleaned up, I had a little sit down with her and made sure we were ALL on the same page with what momma means by bathroom. Yes, mommy means the potty. and no more in the panties, or the diapers are coming back, and do we want the diapers back? oh no. "I'm shorry, mommy. I won't make pee pee in my panties again. I'm really shorry." and WHERE do we make the pee pee? "In the PAAAH-TY, momma. NOT in my panties."



ok, fine.

day continues.

I'm doing chores, then lo and behold, a bottom-half naked rhena comes up to me and says "Hi, Mommy.. I tried to make pee pee in the potty but it won't fit!"


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Rhena... which potty did you use??"


"The one in the playroom! My pee-pee doesn't fit!"


People.. we do not have a potty in the playroom. Rhena's playroom is full of toys.


oh. oh oh oh.

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I'm not going to give you TOO much of a visual here, but I WILL provide the one below to help you understand my frustration. Please take special care to note that although Rhena is not quite 3 years old yet, she is FAR bigger than a little people figurine. Her pee pee DEFINITELY did not fit in the potty.




and the victory goes to Rhena by order of a technical knock-out.

Rest in Peace

The fever will be on a slight hiatus. not as long as the beginning of the year, I promise you that.

I just found out that my great uncle passed away.


This fact in and of itself is sad news to me, but it is also drudging up a LOT of emotions and memories of my grandparents. I can't recall feeling this lost in quite a long time. but NOT lost.

I have a lot of shit to figure out; primarily (and quickly) whether I'm going to drive up to jersey or not. and what to do with all this shit I've got going on in my head.


Anyways.. I'll be back in a day or two when I can type out something a little more coherent. got some funny shit to share, so I definitely won't be gone long.


Rest in peace, Big John.

Come Fly with Me

TRUST me when I tell you that this is NOT a case where "eep op ork ah ah" means 'I love you'. No... EEP!! OP!! ORK! and AH AH have been the terms coming out of my mouth the past few days in lieu of cursing in front of the kids.

ladies and gentlemen... I have a FLY in my house.

And this fly... this little BANE of my existence, this taunting little SHIT of a creature has been following my ass around like.. like.. well, I guess like a fly. fucker.

It would seem that every year here in stepford, there comes a season where the flies take over. Big, obnoxious, leave-a-jet-stream-when-they-zoom-past-your-head FLIES. and they're everywhere. forget about eating outside... at least when you're a mom, anyway. I promise you that while one hand is busy swatting the pests away from your CHILDREN'S food, your other will be busy keeping the onslaught away from your own face and food with all the futility that the characters of The Birds must have felt.

people.. I hate flies!!!!

Last year, I thought I was on to something when it came to eliminating the bastids from my house. I'll admit that I probably appeared to be more of a raving lunatic than the Karate-Kid-meets-Matrix I imagined myself to be.. but hey.. one by one, I got the job done.

Towards the end of the fly season, I found the ultimate tool in assisting my plight against evil....

a bottle of windex.

Yeah, yeah, I know... sounds more like a stepford brainwashing technique to get people to clean their homes more, but as it turns out.. the windex really helps.

The trick is to catch the fly when it's sitting still. If you can get past the hysterical laughing and taunting it's doing in fly-speak, then you need to spray that little bitch with the windex. Most of the time, the blue spray will stun the fly enough that it kinda just still sits there, or at the very worst starts to flub around a lot. BUT... it really does slow it down, so that's when you snatch in with a paper towel and squash it! (then, as an added bonus, if you happened to catch your fly on the window, go ahead and wipe up rhena's face and hand prints that have accumulated since last fly season.....)

Sometimes, it might take 2 or three spray attacks to knock the fly on its ass, but I gar-run-tee that the windex works.

well, except for my fly right now. I musta hit this genetic mutation at least 6 times this weekend, and still it lurks. I can only imagine that it is the spawn of some flies I killed last year, with built-up immunities to windex. Granted, it could also be because I refilled my spray bottle with the target-brand version of windex. that'll teach me for trying to save some money!!

But I know it's getting weaker; after the chemical warfare of the past 2 days, I noticed that it didn't have the energy to come upstairs and taunt me in my bed last night. Provided it's not in a closet somewhere morphing into Jeff Goldblum's cousin or something... I plan on catching it today once and for all.

so if you don't see me around the web today, it's because I'm fighting. Defender of all things clean in a land where children think their mother is losing it... I will press on until the beast is slain. Hide the kids... it's gonna get ugly up in here!

pants on fire!!!

why anyone in the world ever believes a single word I say any more, I have no earthly idea.


Certainly, with this motherhood thing I've got going on, I've become an INCREDIBLY good liar.


I think it started out when I was pregnant 100 years ago. people would ask me how I was doing, and I learned to not tell them how I REALLY was. Apparently telling people that you're having a hard time gaining weight and feel like your blood is boiling when you're in direct sunlight is an open invitation for people to tell you that you are doomed to be an unfit mother and that in their personal experience of not being a doctor, I should be doing this that and the other thing.


Me being who I am.. well, you can tell I got tired of THAT business right quick.


so the lies began.


"I'm GREAT!" became such an easy term to say that I think I actually believed myself once or twice.

there's many others from both my pregnancies, ESPECIALLY with all the puking I did with Danny, but I have to move this post along before one of the children realizes that they are indeed not up my ass right this minute.

anyways.... once the baby came, I found that I began to tell OTHER lies... "oh, she's sleeping right now, it's really not a good time" ... "oh, sorry, we can't come to the party, the baby's got a fever" and so on and so on.


Now that Rhena talks, and more importantly.. ASKS QUESTIONS.... I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm even BETTER at lieing!!! who knew??

I mean... for one thing, any parent can tell you (or anyone that has been in the company of a child) that children have this innate ability to sense fear and spot those unsure of themselves. Like fierce predators, they sniff out the weak, and then tear their asses to shreds in the most demoralizing way... usually in public.

so you get good at the lies and faking it. I mean, if I REALLY told Rhena the truth as to why she was not allowed to do such and such, it would either take a week of diagrams and flashcards for her to maybe just slightly understand (ie the merits of vegetables vs a diet solely consisting of sugar-free mints)... or it would bring on an onslaught of questions, or.. the typical response.. a tantrum.

So.. does my child really need to know that daddy and mommy don't WANT to go to the "meggy round" (merry-go-round) because daddy has to go back to work and mommy just really really needs for it to be bedtime as soon as possible? orrrrr... can we just keep everybody happy and believe that the meggy round is sleeping right now?

yeah yeah.. I suck. my lies are because I would rather have my kid living in a world where things go to bed, play hide and seek, need batteries, or are visiting their cousins in new jersey... instead of her knowing that mommy is a lazy ass and doesn't feel like doing shit most times.


I suppose I justify all of this because there will be a day (and a day that's coming oh-so-soon, I'm afraid) that my lies will no longer work with Rhena. of course, that also screws the pooch in terms of lieing to Danny, cause Rhena will be there to clue him in when the wool is being pulled.


and of COURSE... all of this expert training is only used for the benefit of manipulating of my children. I would NEVER lie to anyone else... especially telemarketers. I ALWAYS tell them the truth.

Oh, and another thing...

To the lady in Barnes and Noble today???


Yeah, you know who you are! you have one MIGHTY big set giving ME a dirty look because I asked your child if he needed help reaching something.

MAYBE if your FAT ASS wasn't 3 aisles over talking ON THE PHONE, you MIGHT have just noticed that your own little jack-be-nimble was STANDING on the THIRD SHELF.

Seriously... next time you think of giving that look to me again, it better be because I just went up to your ugly mug and told you that you're a negligent pig-farmer* with HORRIBLE taste in clothes. Put your phone away and take your kid to a damn playground where things are MEANT to be climbed on!




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* please note that no actual pig farmers were harmed in the making of this post...

All Aboard!

ok.. we're back in business today. I took yesterday to love and coddle the kids, and most importantly, to lay low (figuratively and literally... didn't want to risk another fall!).

I *DO* want to thank all of the readers who either posted some love, shared a story, or just plain chose to NOT state the obvious of how I should never leave a baby unattended. cause you know.. no shit. Anyways.. all continues to be fine here in Fever Falls... so let's just mosey on, shall we?


So last night, troy and I were watching some TV. Summertime is TYPICALLY our chance to burn through our mile-long queue on Netfilx... what with summer tv programming SUCKING and everything. But last night we were actually watching the tube.

each week we tune in to watch Hell's Kitchen, and So You Think You Can Dance. (Listen... you might not like Chef Ramsey or the dancers, but I've openly admitted to being a big fan of VH1's Flavor of Love and I Love New York in the past, so yes... you CAN believe that I *DO* watch that crap! )

anyways.. my REAL point today is that after the dance show, there was a show on fox that had something to do with singing songs and not forgetting the lyrics. no biggie... typical summer tv. I suspect next summer will have a show called "try to catch the live, greased animal".. but again, that's neither here nor there. at least not this summer.


SO yeah, the singing show. Anyone else notice that there was another show with the EXACT same premise on just a half hour earlier on NBC?? (ps.. the nbc one sucked, but I think they borrowed the dancers that were on Shatner's show for like a minute...) oh, and for the record.... the host of the nbc show is a total jack-off. and WHO is he??? I should google him, but that would require extra effort.

what is it with hollywood and multiple networks or movie moguls pimping out the same idea at the same time?? right now it's the lyrics theme on tv... but in the past I recall movies with natural disaster themes (Armageddon and the other meteor-crash movie...) Illusionist and the Prestige were out at the same time... Broke back mountain and "my husband goes away on gay fishing trips"... oh wait.. that was just the name of Mrs McGreevey's blog . and of course... tv. apprentice, martha's apprentice, hell's kitchen... same shit, different channel.

oh well.. I'd go on, but I have my own little re-occurring theme going on. Apparently, both kids are putting out their own spin of "I need your attention right NOW, mama!!"

...And down will come baby....

...changing table and all.



so let me preface this post by saying that he's ok.



long story short, Danny ended up head-first into his hamper last night, despite being buckled into his changing table. (I needed a clean onesie and his pjs, but because I just did laundry that day, they were in a basket in rhena's room, so I gave danny a toy, strapped his ass down into the changing pad, and headed to rhena's room for the change of clothes. as I was walking back to danny's room, I heard a sickening THUD. I discovered Danny head-first in his empty hamper, changing pad still on the table, strap still buckled shut.)

After I pulled him out, stripped him down to his diaper to check for broken or bruised anythings, I did cry for about an hour... him? maybe a minute, if that.


Overall, I am just completely exhausted today. from the emotional stress, to the physical wear and tear of not sleeping, because I was at his crib-side for any and all noises he made last night.

I am BEYOND thankful for his well being (not a scratch, bump or bruise!) , for Troy being the best husband and father EVER (not only did he take care of Rhena, but calmed MY hysterical ass down and not once tried to pull the 'how the fuck did you let THAT happen' card on me), for having a pediatrician as a friend and next-door neighbor (she gave danny a full exam and told me exactly how to monitor him throughout the evening) and just thankful in general because he is my precious baby Daniel, and I would just as soon have my own skin ripped off than to see him hurt in any way.


I'll be back to my regular bitching and moaning tomorrow. today I'm just going to be thankful. and you know... change Danny on the floor.

EASILY my favoritest picture ever

not sure if it's the "seriously.. I'm trying to poop here, mama! will you put that damn thing away" look she's giving me, or just the fact that her hair is pretty much its own life force, but I love love love this picture.

She is TOTALLY gonna hate me someday for this.....

PayPal-Baggers

Every once in a while, I think I have a good idea.


(anyone who really knows me will begin laughing at this point)


so my recent GRAND idea involved ebay. I'll admit that I'm a bit behind the times when it comes to ebay. I've never sold anything before, and I only bought something once, cause we needed an 80's style cassette player walkman to give away as a gag gift for a christmas social.... but ANYWAYS....

so Troy, being the computer dude that he is... had some extra copies of windows Vista and Office Ultimate kicking around.



(I'll give you a minute or two to check those links and see how much those bitches sell for)


did I mention he had an extra copy of each? did you SEE how much those bitches sell for?


so I'm all.. hell YEAH we're gonna sell them on ebay!! make money money money, MAKE money money!!!

(pardon me for the ghetto explosion.. coffee must be kicking in...)


So yeah.. to quote the Cranberries.... so I went ahead and started me an auction.



oooooh, stupid stupid me.


so the auction itself wasn't bad. I listed them for 7 days, and for 7 days I religiously (ok.. more like fiendishly... bordering on crack-addiction-like) checked their listings to see who was bidding and for how much. I answered questions as they came in! I was PLEASANT!!! look at me.. I'm so E-bay I could puke!!!


so finally the auctions end, and we get like $200 for one, and $250 for the other. SHA-WING! The idea alone almost eased the pain of the washer breaking and the landscaping we still have to buy for the financial adventure called our backyard.


So ok.. I send the software to the auction winners... and now it's time for me to collect the money from pay-pal.

oh.. I'm SORRY. did I say pay-PAL?? (close your eyes, kids...) more like Pay-asshole-motherfuckers-we're-gonna-put-a-limitation-on-your-account-and-make-you-squeeze-water-from-a-stone-and-donate-an-organ-before-we-release-your-account-to-REQUEST-that-you-receive-the-money-in-4 to 5 business days-that-has-now-been-sitting-stagnant-for-3-weeks?????

*sigh*


I just want my money.


at this point, I'm waiting for ANOTHER review of my account, cause there's still a limitation on it. (original limitation was put on because I had "unusually high activity". uh, HELLO? I just OPENED the damn account... I do 2 transactions, and that's unusually HIGH? well, uh, maybe compared to the ZERO activity I had before ACTIVATING the crap-assed thing!) SO it takes them 24-72 hours to review my account every time I call them. If I got the magic combination right this time, I will find out anywhere from 1-3 days from now, THEN I can apply to have my money transferred to my bank account, which takes 4-5 business days. but again.. that's if, and only IF... the limitations finally get lifted. if not, I'm back to square one again.




I wonder if, when all is said and done, I'll get a free t-shirt that says "dance, monkey, dance!!"


paypal-baggers!!!!

Creepy

ok... this is going to be another one of those "is it just me" posts.


so I was slopping some breakfast mush into danny this morning, while coming to life with the help of some coffee. Rhena was in the other room, watching some episode of Higglytown Heroes that even *I* can recite by heart for the amount of times she's seen it.

ANYWAYS.. I decided that it was a good time to go through yesterday's batch of coupons. I love me some coupons. ok, ok... what I REALLY love is when I have a coupon for an item that's being promoted for an in-store sale, so I get a discount on a discount. ok, ok... what I REALLY REALLY love is when the coupon is for less than a dollar off, too, cause my food store doubles those coupons. Did I ever tell you about the one time I got paid $0.35 for taking a box of macaroni and cheese home???? yeah... (and listen.. I KNOW it's pathetic that I get so excited about coupons, but it's not like I'm out on the party circuit, ya know... saving money makes me happy!!)

so yeah... I'm going through my coupons this week... flipping through the ads, imagining what a happy happy life I'll have if I just use such and such products. I imagine that my teeth will be THAT bright if I buy this toothpaste, and my period will be THAT MUCH less bloody if using those tampons. ok, sorry.. that was over the line, but since I'm making an aside... three cheers to P&G for only having one sheet of coupons on the weekend of Live Earth, as compared to the other coupon flyers that each had approximately 15-20 pages with one or two coupons per page. It probably wasn't their intent to save resources as much as it was their own decision to cut some costs in producing their coupons, but either way... I appreciate seeing less waste.


ok.. so back to creepy.

I saw an ad for this doll called Maya. It's one of those lifelike dolls. one of those creepy, lifelike, BABY dolls. The kind you see all over the crazy-lady's house in horror movies. you know.. one of THESE dolls.

is it me, or what? I mean... I just.. I dunno. I was trying, and I mean REALLY trying to think of a good reason to have one of these things. I got nothing.


Maybe you just need to have the collectible bone in you. I mean, let's face it.. there's people that collect things, and there's people who don't. I mean, I imagine on some levels each one of us has something that we feel warrants going out and purchasing or saving. But I'm still going to say that there's a big difference between someone keeping a memento (collecting concert ticket stubs, the corks from favorite bottles of wine, postcards from cities one has travelled to) and a person that likes something and goes out and obsessively purchases/obtains of a particular topic.

Having once been a teenager who spent every spare dollar on any article that emblazoned the images or likenesses of Duran Duran, INXS, and 'hot shirtless guys'... I do understand the aspect of really really liking something and just wanting to have A LOT of that particular item in your life. But shouldn't there be an age limit on when this type of obsession is no longer acceptable? or finally BECOMES acceptable again?

And I KNOW that there'll be some folks out there that will agree that the baby-dolls are creepy, but make sure they put away some extra cash for that longaberger basket they've been eyeing up, or star wars figurine, or christmas ornament. Hell... I'll admit it.. I do scour whatever place I'm visiting for a christmas ornament to remember the trip by. so maybe I'm a bit of a hypocrite.

But something about collecting life-like replicas of NEWBORNS just screams creepy. And more to the point.. what are these people DOING with them once they get them? glass cases? mock-nurseries? worse yet.. PLAYING with them? yeah... I gotta go with creepy.

oh well.. speaking of playing.. I have my own 'dolls' to attend to.

Mother of all Birthdays

Today is my mom's birthday.


There's so many ways I could go with my thoughts for this post, but yet here I sit, watching the cursor blink. (well, except right now, cause I guess I'm typing... but you know what I mean....)


First and foremost.. let's just recognize the importance of the day. Aside from my mother being a wonderful and loving soul, SHE gave birth to ME.... so if she hadn't been born, then well, you know that saying about shit rolling downhill.... so yeah. as I live and breathe, I'm happy for the birth of my mother.


One blog post is not nearly enough to capture the essence NOR pay tribute to the relationship I have with my mother. Indeed, like life, our relationship is vast, and ever changing.

We have our similarities and definitely our differences. there's laughter, love, respect... sometimes an eye-roll or two, PROBABLY a snarl here and there, and more than a few tears have been shed over the years.

But one thing remains the same no matter how old we get or where I live; her presence in my life is abundant. and that's a good thing.

again... I can't even scratch the surface of describing one of the most notable women in my life. You'll just have to trust me when I say that when it comes to my mom.... "everything" is just the beginning.


Happy birthday, Ma.

uhhhh?

yeah. so Live Earth?


is it me, or am I the only one wondering what in HELL Kayne West was doing up on stage with the Police?



ugh.

A post NOT about my kids

last night, troy and I were watching 20/20. I think he has a thing for John Stossel; he's bought John's book, the one about lies and stupidity... and always seems to get a gleam in his eye when watching one of the "give me a break' features.


Anyways.. I'm ok with it. I dig John. he's FAR easier on the eye than that FREAK of a zombie, Keith Morrison.

Anyways.. the feature last night was about that chick, Mary Winkler. She was married to some preacher. the long and short of it is that Mary shot her husband in the back while he slept.


Now, after watching the feature, I definitely feel like the husband was an asshole royale.... but did he deserve to be SHOT? not exactly the path I would have gone down.

So apparently Mary only has to serve about 3 years in jail, most of which are already done, what with being locked up during trials and stuff. NOW she's about to go out and seek custody of her three girls.


mmmm, is it ME, or does giving three girls to a woman who SHOT A MAN IN HIS SLEEP sound like maybe not such a great idea???


ok.. again.. two sides of the story... yeah yeah. he was abusive.. emotionally and perhaps physically. and he was an asshole for sure. but yet she stayed in the relationship. and then KILLED the man??? what in HELL is she going to do to her daughters when they become the self-righteous-all-knowing-and-throw-in-a-case-of-PMS-once-a-month TEENAGERS???

I know I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but if Mary Mary was so unstable that her only resolve to her problematic marriage is through murder (sorry.. I believe it was ruled as voluntary manslaughter)... I sure hope the courts won't think she'll handle the MIND-FUCK otherwise known as motherhood any better.

NOW... I'm not completely heartless here. I do understand that a child should know their parents... but when mommy kills daddy... you think maybe the child can wait a little while ( ...like til they are 18?) til gun-toting Annie is in charge of bedtime stories again?



*sigh*. that's all I got. it's just a sad story, where the real victims are the daughters.

sad sad sad.

in the wee small hours of the morning

Danny was up early today.

I'm not going to get into how I'm really really trying to teach him that it's ok to sleep through the night right now, cause that's just a sad sad topic. period.


Anyway.. he was up at 6am, so I decided to hit the streets.

we got a good 20 minute walk in, and while I have to clock the mileage, I think we did a little over a mile and a half. not bad. definitely a good way to get the blood pumping for the day. oh, and to burn off the big-assed sandwich, beer, and two cookies I had for dinner the night before.


it's interesting what a different place stepford is in the morning. It's so quiet. I love it!


no screaming kids, no gossiping hens, no toothpaste commercial smiles on every corner with their perfectly practiced queen's waves.

don't get me wrong.. I actually do like the elements of stepford that make it, well.. stepford. I ENJOY the friendliness and sense of community... the warm and welcoming smiles, the friendly banter...

but I also like to be left alone occasionally. especially after a long night of screaming and crying. actually gives me a chance to think.


so today I was thinking about friends. Granted, I've been thinking about them for a while now, but this morning, I was thinking about certain friends that I haven't seen in a while, then I started thinking about some friends that have been around the whole time.


it's funny how you can have friends that things are always good with, others that you kinda get into a rut and go on auto-pilot, then others still that were always kind of there all along, but recently you realize just how very similar you are with them and you wonder why in hell you're not at their house right now drinking coffee.

but I guess in some respects, the friendships I have and maintain are just reflections of my own life as it has its ups and downs. ... and the wheels go round and round....


ok. that's enough babble. I guess I'm just saying that it was a nice walk this morning. Nicer still when I got home and was able to unstrap the Moose from my chest. you don't think about what a difference losing 20 pounds is until you strap it on, have it bounce around for 20 minutes. Hard to realize I had that much extra bouncing around for about 7 YEARS. yikes!



happy friday, gang!

pulse point

yeah, yeah... I'm still here.


good news, Susie had her baby boy last Friday... all is well. We here at the Fever are totally in love already, and we haven't even met him yet!

Seamus Daniel.

(that's pronounced Shay-mus, for all you non-Irish folk out there)

congrats to my Lovah and her entire family. Truly, they are blessed.



ok. moving on.

Camp "Keep the panties dry" is thriving. there have been many many funny sayings these last few weeks alone, and I almost wish I had written them down. However, given Rhena's insistence of just how "berry punny" she is, I don't think we're at the end of her off-the-cuff remarks. I almost think I need to start another blog entitled "Actually..." where the entries would all consist of her sayings.

but that's an ALMOST. cause doing so would require more work on my part, and in case you can't tell.. I'm not exactly pumping out the writing over here these days. so yeah. almost.


I've been missing things lately. and not the missing things like last year when rhena would hijack things from my vanity drawer and hide them.. I mean people.

My friends. I really REALLY miss my friends.


BTW---- Debbie J--- seeking an echo, momma. e-mail me your number in colorado... please!


I've been so busy with trying to get through each day that I've once again disappeared off the map. And the only thing that I can honestly say I've gained is the insight as to why everyone nags couples about when they're going to have kids.

I THINK.. and I could be wrong.. but I THINK the reason why so many people (read as 'established couples with children of their own') constantly badger other people (read as 'single people or newly formed-slash-newly-married-but-still-no-kids-couples) about when they will have kids is not because they love a good baby story.. it's cause they're looking to absolve some of their own GUILT!!

people... I've become a REAL ASSHOLE. I am SO CONSUMED with my own life, that I have NOT been a good friend. I've missed birthdays, weddings, graduations, parties, housewarmings... you name it. but a-hah!!! when the 'miss-ee' has children.. THEY UNDERSTAND why you're a total fart-knocker and haven't been around on the regular. Most of the time, cause they've been there/done that/still doing that themselves, and realize that when you only get 15 minutes of silence a day between the hours of 6:30am and 7pm (wait, no.. baby's crying again.. ok... 8pm.. oh, wait, no.. there he goes again, shit.. make that NINEpm) anyways.. when free time is limited...it's understandable when you miss shit.

So to all of the two readers I have out there that haven't been scared off by my redundant tales of mommy-dom... just know that if someone asks you when you're having kids.. it's most likely cause they feel like a jackass for forgetting you, and want you to have kids to even the score a little.


well, except me. it's no secret that I've been missing shit cause my head has been up my ass for a while now. And I really do love a good baby story.


hope all is well, everyone. I need to go fishing under the couch for some lost toys. and maybe my sanity. I know it's got to be around here SOMEWHERE.

SO close!

Tomorrow... the wait is over.


My dear friend and lovah, Susie is FINALLY going to have her baby boy.


In my time around the track, I have made many many good friends. And I'm not talking the kind of 'good friends' you have that hook you up with discounts or good seats or throw sweet Christmas Socials with grand prizes every year. I'm talking about the friends that send you day-by-day pill cases when you can't stop throwing up and just spent half your check on prescription meds. I'm talking about the kind that you know and hold in your heart, and of course, the kind that have seen you in your pyjamas crying about how just so very fucking tired you are about the topic de jour, and they didn't head for the hills.


Friendships like that are great. Knowing that there's another person or people in the world (besides your mom) that truly support you and validate your existence really make for a good time. The thing about that level of friendship, though, is that sometimes shit isn't so good. Having that kind of friendship and BEING that kind of friend right back means that sometimes you have to witness hurt, sorrow, anguish... and not be able to do a damn thing about it.


My friend Susie and her husband Dan had a long and difficult road in their attempts to become pregnant with their second child. I won't re-capture that journey here, but I can say that it was a difficult road for me as well. Being the friend of someone trying to conceive was not a new thing to me, but there was certainly an extra ache knowing that we started trying around the same time, and month after month as my child grew, my dear friends were at a stalemate. I can't imagine the heaviness THEY must have felt trying to be supportive of me.


But all of that is in the past. (Well, not really... I still have some friends that are TTC... )

BUT.. for Susie and Dan... it is in the past. Tomorrow, they will have another son. His name is still a big secret to the world, but if I listen closely, I'm sure his name is already in my heart.... after all, he HAS been a resident there since before he was conceived.


My thoughts and prayers are with Susie, Dan, and Big Brother Liam as they await the birth of their bundle of joy. We love you!!!

Parent Club

I think I'm officially a member. or am in GRAVE danger of being kicked out.


just this morning, I realized that it didn't phase me to see Rhena in a bathroom, fully dressed, wiping her hands dry with toilet paper. oh.. did I mention that there was an epic-sized poop in the toilet and water ALLLL over the toilet seat? and did I mention that her hands were soaking wet and the sink was dry? and I mentioned the epic poop in the toilet, right? in the toilet WATER?

me. not phased!


granted, we did use about 6 pumps of anti-bacterial soap within 30 seconds of this discovery... but me... totally un-phased.


(I'm probably getting kicked out)

Oh, and I quote:

"That silly poop was trying to get on my penguins, so I ran REAL fast and I got ALL the way on the potty and I PUSHED it out and said goodbye and said 'get out of here poop!' SILLY POOP!"



/ end quote.

Settlement

feels like lately all I've been doing is going from one stage of settling to another.


whether it's a new routine, a new location, my blog, a new job, a diet, or new face in my/our lives... we're always getting settled.


now.. this is either a sign that I'm a very grounded person, or that my life is always in a state of upheaval.


hmph. I guess we all kinda know which one applies, huh?


oh well... variety being spice and all that shit, right? I guess.


I wonder if I'll ever feel "stable". granted, after the week we had last week, it's a far cry from a miracle to think I'd have stability any time soon. But... I look at my parents, and some other couples I know... and it just seems like they're so... TOGETHER.

do I want that? I guess I do. but on the other hand... I guess I already DO have that. I mean... my children and husband are together with me in this chaos called life... and that alone is comforting. and if our lives were so predictable and without variation, I'd probably be bitching up a storm about that... or sleeping.


oh.. how sleep sounds so delicious right now.....


oh well. maybe that's just one of the side effects of the early stages of parenting. the constant sense of frenzy. no... chaos. no.... uncertainty. no... that's no quite right either. maybe it's all of that and then some. I think just the fact that I can't put a finger on the state of my environment goes to show just how very un-stable shit is.

but again... would I have it any other way?


anyway.. hope all y'all out there are getting settled into summer. it's hot here, so if you need me, I'll be holed up in the house with the AC on full-blast.


oh... btw... I finally started adding links back to my sidebar. if I've forgotten you, or have you on and you don't want to be... just let me know. M-baby... are you still super-stealth, or do you want linkage? lemmee know, k?

The most expensive week EVER

ever have one of those weeks where shit just can't HELP but to fall apart all around you???


yeah.



so things started last week when our washing machine broke. on thursday. apparently, God decided that draining the water from the washer's drum would make shit a little too easy here at the appollo... so here I am, with a screaming moose and pooping boogie, and a shitload of water in the machine that won't drain. oh, and my folks on the way. sweet.

fine fine... take care of the kids... call sears and schedule an appointment for someone to come fix the damn thing, and finish cleaning the house so my parents don't personally witness what a chaotic mess the house can become.

sears says no one can come until monday. fine. well, not really fine, cause did I mention the screaming moose and pooping boogie? I'm pretty sure we have enough clothes to get us throuh til monday, barring any major illnesses and atomic spills, so let's just pray the machine will be fixed on monday.


ok fine. folks get in, and visiting begins. all is fine.


staurday morning, troy, my dad, and I go about roto-tilling the back yard so that we may assemble the son of satan... I mean this playset. 2 days of HARD ASSED labor, rhena's park was erected. did I mention the 40 bags of regular bark mulch and THIRTY bags of rubberized playground mulch??

yeah.. so anyway...

Monday, Troy's car kinda died on the way home from work. when I was cooking dinner. while my folks are here. ... the good news is that he was able to get it going and got home safely... more importantly, without us having to call a tow, and me truck my ass to the interstate to get him.

so tuesday didn't fare as well, cause the car REALLY died on his way to work. got it towed to the local honda dealer, and we waited on an estimate. the initial estimate came back at $600+ dollars to fix the timing belt and some other oil leaks. yeah yeah.. better than having to buy a new car... go ahead and fix the damn thing.

well.. I guess when they actually got under the hood to look at the stuff, it turns out shit was melted and fused together and now the DETAILED estimate of work was in the ballpark of $5k.


uh.. can I get a giant FUUUUUCK!!????!!!!

24 hours full of crying, heartburn, stress, more crying (this time by the kids, not me), ANOTHER missed bunco... we are now the owners of this truck.

I need a nap. and a night out. and then maybe another nap.

but now the chilluns are up, and it's go time again.

oh... remind me later to tell you about how you shouldn't leave standing water in your broken washing machine for 4 days while waiting for the repairman, cause your whole house and 50 ft perimeter of such will smell like rotten eggs. and as you pay the repair guy $250, you wonder if you'll ever walk into your house again without the smell of putrid ASS choking you.

ok... I can't stop.

now I'm pissed again.



at first I was pissed at HBO, at Chase, at the entire world affiliated with the Sopranos.


then I thought.. hmm.. that's profound. deep ending. not bad.


but I'm back to being pissed.


seriously.

they FLASHED to the twins inside the car when Phil's freshly-dead body was GETTING ROLLED OVER. the twins were SMILING!!!! as they were running over their grandfather!!! (side note.. I could just be sick in the head or drank too much coffee, but I did find that scene to be leg-slapping hysterical...)



and these are the same writers that give us a "blank" ending??? I'm pissed again.

my last moments of sopranos was watching meadow not know how to park a fucking car???? watching AJ, Carm, and Tony eat onion rings????


I can't wait til tomorrow so I can cancel HBO finally. finale. BAH!!!

Sopranos Finale....

seriously. I call bullshit!


the sopranos????



THAT was how they ended what.. six YEARS???? (or is it seven, for all that time off for bad behavior?)


I'm calling bullshit. big, ugly.. weak-assed, pussyfooted crappola cappicola BULLSHIT.

I guess that HBO was right in that no one would be able to predict how it would end, because, oh wait.. it DIDN'T!!!!

I'm too pissed to even go on with going off about this.... but I am definitely disappointed.



tomorrow, when I'm done being pissed about the ending, I will recount how freaking hilarious many many scenes were. but for now... I still call bullshit!



_______________

edited at 10:44pm to add:::

ok.. in my on-line grasping at straws, I saw someone leave a comment on this page about the ending. the commenter stated the following:

I thought the implication was clear. Tony IS DEAD and WAS CLIPPED by someone. We the audience have always seen the episodes from Tony's point of view, and the blackened silence is what Tony sees and hears when he finally gets clipped. Remember the conversation with Bobby at the lake? "I wonder if you hear the one that gets you" - the final episode answers that question. That is why they flashed back to it at the end of last weeks episode. He never heard the one that killed him.

Posted by: themoodyblue on Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:26 pm


ok. I like that. I don't think it was all THAT clear... but I like that idea a helluva alot better than just just 'whatever'.

128 pounds of fat on the wall

ok. maybe 128.2 pounds. and not as much fat, cause did I tell you I lost another point-eight pounds this week?


grand total is 15 pounds since starting.

5 more to go, y'all.....

Potty Mouth

Recognizing the fact that I curse way too much for a mother of two children.... I need to talk about my potty mouth as of late. but not the "sonofafuckercrackassedbitch!!!" comments you can imagine me muttering under my breath when once again the Moose is up screaming in the middle of the night.


no. we're going to leave that subject alone. although-- funny story.... I made a weird turn when we were driving back from jersey a few weeks ago, and Troy exclaimed " JESUS!!" in a way only backseat drivers can do... yeah.. not a HALF a second later, our bubbling blondie daughter did her own echo of a cry to our dear Lord on Most High. that's the worst she's ever repeated so far, and for all my truck-driving sailor tendencies, I must say I do a fine job of curbing my language around her. Troy?? meh... not as much. but I can say for sure my kids won't be learning curse words from me. at least not yet. I imagine a few *may* be learned during the impending teenage years....


but all of that's an aside.


my potty mouth I'm referring to is that of Boogie's bathroom habits. This training experience is REALLY teaching me creativity and patience. oh, and how to be creatively patient, too. I have had conversations with my child's private parts, as well as her bodily fluids. I have been told by my daughter's pee-pee (which coincidentally sounds JUST like her...) that it's too cold to come outside. Her poopies (also, a dead ringer for her voice... go figure!!) have insisted that they can not come out until they see the chocolate candies.

whaddarya gonna do?

yesterday was a monumental day; she peed 7 times and had a discovery-channel worthy poop, all in the big girl potty. and she kept her pull-ups dry all day. who KNEW that such a simple body function would be the source of such strife and excitement in my life???

today we're also doing well. I'm proud to say that Boogie peed on the big girl toilet.. AT THE MALL. in a PUBLIC TOILET!!!! seriously.. even *I* have trouble peeing in them some days!! Now.. I must also include that I am not proud that in so doing the deed, she kinda peed ON ME... (seriously... her pee defies gravity... she seriously is a geyser of urine!) but still. public bathroom. check!

The good part about being peed on was that I had just been trying on bathing suits. That sheer act alone pretty much had me numb from the neck down, and I was just so flippin' happy she was peeing on the toilet that it didn't bother me that she was really peeing ON the toilet.. and not IN it. oh well.. one step at a time, right?


I'll talk about the bathing suit hell another time. like, you know... when I'm highly medicated and you know... highly medicated or something.

Feeling Itchy

well... I had a feeling this day would come, and sure enough.... it did today.


there has been scuttlebutt around the streets of Stepford, and most especially at the recent Bunco gatherings of someone hosting a toy party.


a sex toy party.


I just got my invitation this morning, and I have to tell you... the whole idea makes me feel itchy. ok, ok... I'm sure many (if not MOST) of you are wondering what the problem is with someone throwing one of those sex toy parties. To be completely honest... I don't find anything wrong with someone HAVING one of those parties... I just have major issues with the idea of ATTENDING one.


I mean.. let's face it.. I'm not single anymore... (not that I ever had sex before I got married, mom and dad....) and as much as I enjoy my neighbors... these ladies are NOT my girlfriends. I mean... I don't discuss my marital sex life with these women.. why in hell would I want to purchase an accessory for it in front of them???


I guess it goes back to my little barometer I have when it comes to friends. There's the kind of 'friends' that you would allow to see you without a bra, the kind that you let come bathing suit shopping with you, the kind you can get drunk in front of, the kind you talk about your husband with, and finally... the ultimate level of trust in friendship.... the kind you would go to vegas with.


so... being that only a few of them even qualify for the no-bra level, you can imagine my apprehension for browsing things I would use wearing LESS than my bra.

and of course... if I've said it before, I've said it 100 times. I have issues. my brain??? it's one of those things that just does NOT shut off. the visuals keep coming no matter WHAT I do to cover my eyes. Think that part of Fight Club when Tyler is splicing in pornographic images into kids' movies. it's as perverse as it is horrific. This is about as best I can do to describe the visuals my brain conjures when I think of knowing what toys my neighbors are buying for use with their husbands.

insert itchy feeling here.


seriously... I've MET these women's husbands. and while there is no way I want to be thinking of the bunco girls themselves naked.... I SURE as hell don't want to picture them doing it with their husbands. then to add an element of kink??? my eyes burn just thinking about it.


so no. I do not think I will be attending the party thursday night. I'll be bleaching my skin that night.

On again, off again

That pretty much sums up life these days. whether we're talking about the potty, sleep habits, or my weight... I honestly feel like a damn yo yo.


ok.. maybe not so much my weight.. thankfully; that's been steadily coming off. HOWEVER... I would be a big fat (albeit getting skinnier) liar if I didn't admit that my eating habits have been crazy erratic lately. one day.. I'm all super-fab-rock-star-dietary-MASTER... the next, I'm chowing down on my beloved kettle corn, justifying that if I eat it standing up that it might not be worth as many 'points'. so yeah... eating... out of control.

BUT!! against all odds... I continue to lose. I have officially hit my first goal with weight watchers... that beloved 10%. If you happened to read here about 2 months ago, you would have seen that my starting weight was clocked at 143.2 pounds. As of Friday... I weighed in at 129.0 pounds. that makes my total loss at 14.2 pounds. now TECHNICALLY, I realize that I'm not at a full 10% until I lose 14.3 pounds.... but since the scale I weigh in at measures in increments of two-tenths, and since it's my blog, I'm calling it official at 10%. Next stop... 123.2 pounds. that would make my total loss at 20 pounds... I might actually just get there, too... if I could step away from that damn kettle corn! HAH!


so let's see.. more in the on-again-off-again department... the potty. if I tell you we have been on and off that toilet more times a day than I had hair colors in college.. it's an understatement. but I imagine that anyone who has a child that knows how to use the toilet (the child, that is... )can attest to that. It truly is a lot of work, and demands a LOT of energy. positive, up-beat, do-a-lot-of-sitting-and-waiting-but-be-really-frigging-happy-and-entertaining-the-whole-time-even-when-the-other-child-is-screaming-his-head-off energy.

Troy has been GREAT with Rhena through this process, and has really been able to get her to 'make poopies'. At first I was a little jealous that he can come home from work, swoop in, and she magically pees or drops logs.... but now I'm just happy it's getting done. I'm actually beginning to believe that she will be able to attend school this fall. Of course.. there's the other notion that we will in no way be able to AFFORD said school, cause with all the prizes we have been offering to get the pee pee to wake up and the poops to come out.. well.. let's just say we could go broke. I'm thinking BIG-ass yard sale in a month from now. or, just pray that the Moose likes pink toys, and I can recycle all this crap when HE starts to potty train.


Speaking of Moosey... he's 6 months old now. !!!! seriously... you know what a slap in the face as to what kind of fog I've been in it was when I realized he turned SIX MONTHS OLD???? apparently, while I wasn't sleeping.. time kept right on ticking. who knew?

and sleep is what I have not been doing. for a few days last week, Danny actually slept the entire night. 7pm - 6am. !!!!! of course, *I* did not sleep, because I kept waiting for the little bugger to start wailing in the wee hours. And as if on cue... I began to believe. I believed in the idea of going to bunco again. of going out to dinner with my husband... ( like on a date! -- crazy, I know!) I believed in sleep.

and just as I bought into the sweet sweet dreams of the night... the waking began again. I attribute it to the new tooth he has coming in. poor little guy has a HOLE in his gum, waiting for the pearly while spear to coming a' pokin through. It sucks that we're back to square one of him waking... more so because now the crying spells are lasting longer and longer (last night I seem to recall a starting time of 2:44am, with him FINALLY settling down at 4:03am. bleh!) but it sucks cause he's miserable, and I don't quite know what else to do for the boy.

oh well. this too shall pass, right? right.

like I said... on again, off again.

not quite there yet

so I'm quickly learning that while it's great to savor small successes in child-rearing... a parent shouldn't necessarily hold their breath.

says the child to her mother (who is still basking in the glow of two days in a row of the child successfully having bowel movements in the big-girl-toilet) upon being urged to urinate:


"Mommy-- the pee-pee is sleeping right now. Maybe we should try again later."


yes. the glow is officially gone now.

progress

so... today is friday, which is my weigh-in day at weight watchers. I'm at 129.8 pounds, which is down 13.4 pounds since I started. not bad!! I've really eased off my obsessive point-counting (even had a few slices of a pan pizza from pizza hut last night!!!)

however... I feel like a lost soul in community college when it comes to WW... they're on me to declare a goal. I know I should, and you're 3x as likely to MEET a goal if it has been declared... but I don't want to just yet. I'm THINKING maybe 124 pounds.. or 123.2, which would be down 20 pounds total since I started... but part of me is worried I'll never get there, then I'll feel like a failure.

I dunno. my immediate goal is to have lost 14 pounds, which is what THEY said to do. I guess they start you at aiming to lose 10% of your weight. so... .6 pounds to go.

I probably would have made it this morning if I was able to take a crap before the weigh-in, but alas... pizza hut got the better of me, and I was all stopped up. BUT.. back to my 'progress' theme... I did just drop some logs, so it is very possible I'm at my goal right now. hah!! I suppose it's also very possible that you don't care to read about my shitting habits, but whaddaya expect?? SOMEONE'S always doing SOMETHING here at the apollo!!!


speaking of someone... the MOOSE has begun to eat food. and sleep in his crib. !!!! He's still getting up from hunger in the middle of the night, but we're working on the solid food stuff, and he's screaming less and less when placed in his crib. (ok.. I'm just getting better about waiting till he's damn near passed out from milk-overload before PUTTING him in the crib... but still.... less screaming. progress!!!)

at any rate... I'm feeling better about things. or at least more hopeful. still frigging tired... but definitely more hopeful.

and you know... lighter. Did I mention I'm down over 13 pounds??? booooyah!

Nightcrawler

I am a shadow.

I creep around our house at all hours in the night. tending to this one, wiping up that one, kicking the other to stop snoring, and peeing like a stealth soldier.

for the past week... I have been getting up.. on average... about 6 times a night.

can I tell you how very fucking tired I am???


oh well. goes with the territory of trying to teach your baby that it's ok to sleep in a crib by himself in his own room. of COURSE... NEXT week, I'm going to try to start teaching him that he does NOT need to eat every hour and a half. I'm thinking this might be met with much resistance and for sure.. even more crying. perhaps this weekend will be a good time to stock up on coffee. And did I mention we are once again in the season of the nosebleed???? yeah.. rhena's been waking up every other night with a nose bleed. not sure if it's the onset of our warmer weather, the air conditioning, or maybe I need to add ANOTHER humidifier to her room??? poor baby, though. her bed's been looking like a murder scene.

On an obsessive-compulsive note, however.. I've become pretty neurotic about this whole damn diet thing, and I've taken to weighing myself at odd-hours of the night. cause you know... after waking up and shushing your babies.. why not check your weight???

issues, I know. but so far I'm down like 11 pounds, and I'm hoping to be down even more tomorrow when I weigh in. but the lack of sleep is not helping. at least when I'm asleep, I'm asleep. brain is off. this getting up in the middle of the night means my brain is awake, which means I start thinking about wonderful things like cheetos and fried chicken and chocolate and pies... yes.. a pie sounds SO good right now....

perhaps salivating burns calories??? I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

Back

Given the amount of time it's been since my last post, I should PROBABLY have a really long post stored up in my head... but to be completely honest... there's not much of ANYTHING up there these days.

I've been a complete DUMBASS lately when it comes to the calendar. seriously.. you could probably hold a big one right in front of my face and I'd still get the date wrong.. it's been that bad!!! I attribute that to having been on the road for the past two weeks, but really that's just an excuse. The bottom line is that I have been having severe focus issues. prehaps Rhena is rubbing off on me??

so anyways.. I've been on the road for the past two weeks. We took a trip up to jersey to visit the family, and it was long overdue. My neice and Godchild made her first communion (which, as you may guess.. to a CCD teacher like me is pretty awesome shit!). Other highlights from the trip include getting to see my cousin Rachie and her daughter, seeing my grandmother and Aunt Ann, Danny cutting a tooth, drinking some wine (!!!!!) with my best friend one night, and taking a mini-trip up to boston area to see my dear friend Susie, who is due with her second baby in a few weeks.

Lowlights were getting a flat tire on my way BACK from the boston area, NOT seeing my girlfriend Jody and her new baby girl, rhena waking up every day at about 5am, danny SCREAMING for a total of about 5 driving hours, and of course... having to say goodbye.

I probably COULD go into great detail of the trip, but one tone resonates through this echoing head of mine.. and that is that I am such a blessed person. I have a great family that loves me... and friends I cannot imagine being without.

and I guess that's all that really matters in the end, right? here are a few pics; enjoy. more to come soon.

A Good Day

Take me to the Garden, Child... for this world is far too busy.

Teach me to slow down, my sweet... remind me how to laugh.

Give me gentle kisses, little girl... your love warms my soul.

Let me hold your hand, my baby.... for some day you might not.

Take me to the Garden, Rhena.... and let's make today last forever.

Now Ear This

oiy.


I think I'm getting a hang of this motherhood thing. For the first time that I'm consciously aware of... I have a sneaking suspicion that something is wrong with Moosey. sure, the constant inconsolable crying is a big hint, but let's talk about one thing at a time.


The past two nights have been a rough time here at the Apollo. THANKFULLY.. Rhena has been fine. Other than the fact that it seems to be Bloody Nose season again, she has actually been a joy. so hooray for that.

Danny, however... not as good. VERY irritable, hasn't been eating as much, hasn't been napping as much, (forget about night-time sleeping either.. the last two nights he's been training for the Fidget Olympics....) all in all, he's been a pissed off little boy who wants to be held and tries to break free the minute you pick him up. Laying him down has been a bad idea, too. Honestly, I'd keep him upright in his exersaucer all damn day if I wasn't afraid he's konk his head on one of the attached toys.

Add in a boogery nose, and I'm thinking this may actually be an ear infection. I gave him some Motrin twice yesterday, and shortly thereafter he actually calmed down a little. SO!! today at 8:30, I'll be calling our pediatrician to give her the symptoms and see what to do next.

It's weird... Rhena was never sick, but this Moose of mine... he's putting me through the ringer! (ok.. so technically, this would only be the second time he's getting sick, but compared to rhena's once-in-two-and-a-half-years... this twice in less than 5 months business is ringer material.)

so all in all.. it makes me wonder. is Danny really just more prone to getting sick cause he's the second born? because rhena is secretly putting germs in his mouth when I'm not looking? Maybe am *I* becoming a better parent and am more in tune to what is healthy and non-healthy behaviors?

I mean, really... I think back to rhena's first few months... and there were a LOT of times that I just figured she was generally pissed off and I was a complete idiot as a parent cause I couldn't make her happy. Maybe she was sick back then? I don't know.

oh well. water under the bridge now, right? Only a few more minutes and I can call the doc. like I said, I'm imagining that they're going to say he has an ear infection. In which case, I imagine it's going to be another round of 'wait it out'.

What's the point???

ok... so the diet.


It's been a week now, and I have to say that my strategy of TOTALLY pigging out on chips ahoy last week so I was fatty mc big-big for my first weigh-in paid off.


I had a weigh-in today; my first since starting this blasted change to my life. in the one week since starting the diet.. I have lost 6 pounds!!

can I get an "awwwww schniggity!!!" ????


yeah yeah.. I'm happy, but I'm also being realistic. This was probably just a one-time thing, and the rest of the weight is going to be a long slow battle.


but that's cool. I'll continue to (silently) count up my points until my stomach finally learns that it does NOT need 6 strips of maple-flavored bacon to survive on the weekends. or cheetos. or cupcakes. Ok.. the cupcakes might be a hard sell.. but you know what I mean.


Happy weekend, gang!!! Stay tuned next week when I'm SURE to have a crowd pleaser with "why my body looks like skin-covered jell-o".....

1 forward, 2 back, and Easter Again

so I'm sloooooowly trying to get this blog organized. not that it could ever REALLY be organized, cause after all.. this is a reflection of my brain, and anyone who's anyone knows what a mess THAT is!!!!


anyways.. I'm trying to do that categorizing thing for all my back posts. I figure that with every new post I create, I ought to go back and at LEAST find 'homes' for 2 older posts. and eventually, I'll get my favorite links back up on the sidebar. Of course, EVENTUALLY I'll get a full night's sleep, too... but let's not be talking crazy talk, shall we??



so yeah. yesterday was Easter. we had Twinkie and her husband and son over for dinner which was really nice. I called it an East-over dinner, being that they're Jewish, and still working the Passover action til sundown tonight. Being as good a friend as I can be.. I looked up rules for keeping Kosher (no pork!!! no dairy on meats!!! no flour!!!) and came up with a dish that they could eat while troy and I gorged ourselves on ham, kielbasa and pierogies.

(did I mention that when my folks were here we made 31 dozen pierogies???? probably not, cause that was during the 'time of silence' at the Fever... anyways.. we ate some, and daaaammmnnn they are good!!!)

So it was a nice day. the kids ran around like nuts outside looking for eggs in our uncut grass. so glad when they reached down to pick up something that it actually WAS an egg, and not some southern-bred creature that lives in lawns that need mowing. I think the best part of the day was when the kids were sitting on the back porch, going through their eggs, and Rhena turns to Ross and said, "Happy Ass-over, Wahssie!" I think I got her on video saying it later. but too funny. happy ass-over.


On the subject of candy--- over the course of the day, Rhena ate entirely too much of it. actually, she ate entirely too much candy times TWELVE. cause seriously... the kid doesn't get much sweets. (artificial preservatives and a good helping of ice cream here and there maybe, but x-nay on the sugary shit)

But it being Easter.. we made an eggsception. (get it?? EGG-sception??? oh, I slay!) Granted... most of her basket was full of all things Thomas-related... but we did throw her a bone and gave up some goods. so by the time we even GOT to church... the first few pieces of PEZ had kicked in, and Rhena was to be damned if Thomas and Percy weren't coming in with us. fine fine.. you choose your battles, right???


anyways.. a jelly bean here, a pez candy there... and yes.. troy let her have chocolate. Add in the sheer delight of having company, and she was more wired than Thomas Edison.


a scream-fest ensued when she was told it was bed-time, and she insisted she couldn't go because she NEEDED more candy... pweeeeeeese???? (that was a no)

finally, after some prayers and songs and before she slipped into that sugar coma oh so deep.... she lolled her head to me and asked if we could "do easter again you think???"


yeah... we can do it again. Just maybe next year with a little less candy.

Happy Easter

From all of us to all of you..... Hope you have a happy Easter!

Last Supper

yeah... so ironically.... I celebrated my own little version of a Last Supper last night.


no... I'm not about to get crucified or anything... I just mean to say that last night was my last meal of gorging on meats and cheese with a side of more. (more meat and cheese and potatoes and junk and.. and... and...)

Yes... I have to admit it... my fat ass has started Weight Watchers.


today.



My starting weight was only 2.4 pounds above their published 'healthy' range for my height... but at 143.4.... I have to say it's about time I do something.


Now.. I WILL admit that although I wasn't hungry for them.. I DID knock back 4 chunky chips ahoy cookies (each cookie is approx 700 calories and like 30 grams of fat) AND I also took an extra spoonful of my homemade macaroni and cheese. This wasn't necessarily a 'last hurrah' kind of gorging... it was strategy, you see.


so I FIGURED if I stuffed myself to the bones and wore heavier clothing (I'm wearing cords today!) to the weigh-in... then THEORETICALLY... my very first weight in would be a devastatingly high number. SO HIGH, in fact, that it would be virtually IMPOSSIBLE for me to NOT have good results (read big weight loss) by next week's weigh-in.

I feel like I just won immunity this week on the Biggest Loser, and I'm setting myself up for a significant loss at the NEXT weigh-in so I can be above the yellow line!!


*chirp chirp* said the crickets as Carrie realizes she's gone on such a tangent that no one even gives a shit what she's saying anymore....


anyways... I've always rationalized that I look fine, and for someone in their mid-30's, I don't need to be super skinny. after all.. I'm a MOM now!!! I'm SUPPOSED to be soft, right???

maybe not so much.


So while I'm not so bad off that I'm COMPLETELY disgusted with myself and crying while looking in mirrors (strike that... I tried on a bathing suit the other day and was pretty grossed out by my rear view) ANYWAYS.... I think I need to drop 10-20 pounds. Not so much for the idea of being the magical weight of 125... but for feeling good about myself and being happy in a size 4 or 6.... not an 8 or 10 where I am now.

so now it's time for me to put up or shut up. I'm hoping by being honest about my standing weight (and not the 30 glorious seconds a day after I wake up, pee, take a crap and am naked on a scale that I clock in at 138.4) and stop blaming the doctor's office scale for being off, or my clothes for being heavy.... or one of the many many many other reasons why I justify some number for being ok even though it makes me puke a little in my mouth to hear someone tell me that THAT particular number is my weight....


anyways.. I'm hoping to find the real Cze-Johnson under all these thighs. you know the girl.... she's the one who swore she'd never ever EVER buy 'mom jeans'... especially for herself.


wish me luck! oh, and apologies in advance if I end up being a little bitchy in the next few weeks. Apparently, in addition to having loads of fat in each cookie... those Chips Ahoy bastids also put mild sedatives in every bite!

Good News, Bad News

so the GOOD news is that Danny finally had a real poop. (it had been about 5 days since his last real bowel movement, and aside from a shart ((shitting while farting)) here and there... no real pooping has happened until today.)

the BAD news is that he decided to do it today. in the car. on our way out to lunch. ALL. OVER. HIS OUTFIT.

ALL OVER!!!!

The GOOD news is that I actually had a diaper and wet wipes in the car. (unlike the last time he shat himself in public when I had a diaper and wipes but the wipes were all dried out thus leaving me to 'spit shine' his ass and legs and back.)

The BAD news is that I did not have an extra outfit to change him into. and did I mention he shit himself so that every article of clothing he was wearing was marked with the mustard river of stink??? oh, and despite it being in the 80's all week, it's only 55 degrees today, which is a bit fucking cold for just a diaper.

the GOOD news is that the place we were having lunch at sells clothing.

the BAD news is that the smallest size they had of ANYTHING was a youth's MEDIUM t-shirt. With cartoony pigs and a race car on it.

You know.... I really ought to mind myself next time I call someone else a red-neck. Having Danny in my life is proving to show I belong in North Carolina (well.. at least the SOUTH) more and more every day.

Silent Lucidity

aaaaah.


nap time.


it's a beautiful thing, that nap time thing.


I'm sitting on Rhena's mini-couch in the corner of the living room, with the window open.. and no noises to be heard except the whir of the dishwasher and birds chirping outside. Of course.. this being stepford, you can also insert the sounds of a few lawnmowers, and children gaily playing in their lush green backyards. for shits and giggles, you can mentally dress them in knickers and call them Muffy and Biff (or Brock, Haley, or whatever 'name de jour' is being slutted around the latest Pottery Barn catalogue.....)


but no matter what's going on in YOUR imagined Stepford... absolutely NOTHING is going on here at the Apollo. even the inlaws are napping!! (btw.. my inlaws have been in town, which is why I haven't been blogging)


anyways.. I feel like I should be polishing silverware, or catching up with friends, or cleaning the floors or prepping dinner or something, but I'm not THAT stupid. I mean... quiet doesn't come easy around these parts, especially when company is here.

so I sit.


quietly.

and it's so so nice.