Sell-out!!

alright. it's done. well, at least as done as I can be for now.


I got MOST of my consignment things hung, inventoried, tagged and dropped off. I had a total of 99 sellable items, but many of the 'items' were actually outfits that required liberal use of safety pins.

in other words.. my finger pads.. they be a hurtin'.

but... the good news is that despite my VERY LOW pricing, I think my gross total is somewhere close to $570. if all of that sells (oh please oh please!!) my 70% cut would be just under $400. not bad.


(not great considering the physical labor required to prep these things... talk about poverty-level wages!)


but nonetheless. we'll see how it goes. I still have a bunch more things I could prep and try to sell.. but right now.. I'm not feeling it. The sale is 2 weeks long and they have a 're-stock' day next sunday.. so maybe. maybe not. again.. we'll see.


also in money news... I applied to be a blogHer ad sponsor. I know. SELL-OUT!!! BUT.. on the upside.. it's not like I've been doing anything creative with my templates lately, and supposedly if people click on the ads through my blog, I could make like a half a penny or something. I dunno. it's still in the works, anyways. I guess I have to be 'approved' first.

hah. the very idea makes me laugh a little. oh well. provided they don't have a problem with cursing... sorry, I mean provided they don't have a fucking problem with some damned cursing... I might just get approved.

again.. we'll see.


in other news.. I'm going to attempt to make some fish for troy tonight. I figured if I can swing making a chocolate mousse cake from scratch without taste-testing it, I should be able to cook some fish, right? sad.. I don't even have an idea what kind of fish it is. oh well. I'll be making MYSELF some butternut squash raviolis.. he's more than welcome to have some of mine if the fish tastes like ass. at least I can say I tried.

speaking of tried... boy-child is apparently not going to nap this afternoon. so before HE wakes up the SHE... I'm going to get him and play.


happy friday. have a good weekend!

Let me Re-Phrase that

ok. so perhaps I could have chosen better wording, but man oh man my throat hurts.


like burning pain hurt.


like I FEEL germs growing back there hurt.


BUT... considering that on any given day someone from eastern europe finds my blog by searches for 'asshole fever'... I suppose having one whole post with nothing but words like throat, prostitute and crotch is NOT going to bring about the most wholesome crowd.



so yeah. don't mind me, and DEFINITELY don't think you're gonna find anything akin to something you would have to pay for here. well.. unless they have a 1-900-BITCHNG line out there I don't know about. I could be famous. rich, even.


alrighty. happy thursday. I'm off to make more tea.

Ouch.

My throat feels like a prostitute's crotch.

This joint is jumpin'

whew! hump day already!!!


busy day planned with errands and playdates. oh, and consignment stuff. gotta finish everything up so I can drop it off tomorrow while rhena's at school.


of course.. we need to have a block of time set aside for some jumping.


Danny's newest most favorite thing in the world to do is jump.


ok, so maaayyybe 'jump' is a generous term, as the moose's feet don't actually leave the ground. but don't tell him that. he thinks he's jumping.


of COURSE this has created a new passion for all things leaping with Boogie. she CLAIMS she's helping to teach danny how to jump, but I think she's looking to put me out of commission. if she's not lining things up on the ground to jump OVER... then she's typically climbing to new heights to perform her very own Jimmy "the Superfly" Snuka off the couch or bed or chair or... you get the idea.

seriously people.. my worry-wart heart can't handle this shit.


Ask my brother's RIBS what happened when *I* used to Snuka on HIS ass when we were kids.


I mean... Danny's solid... but Rhena... she's BONEY!!! and bones BREAK.


so to be a little pro-active with the what can only be a ticking time bomb... I mean.. Rhena's jumping..... I'm trying to set aside a part of our day when we get our jump on.


any good suggestions for jumping songs? clearly we have used Van Halen and House of Pain. I THINK I have some old club music kicking around with lyrics claiming to "jump jump.. a little higher.. jump jump.. til you get tired" (NO idea what song that is, btw??) ****


but yeah. suggestions for a jump track are welcome. ESPECIALLY if it's not on the Lion King or Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat soundtracks.



_____________

edited to add: **** JUNGLE BROTHERS! of course!!! song is "I'll House You". This was a staple song throughout many of my teen years, so it's no wonder the lyrics were creaking around in my noggin. aaaaah.. good times!

doctor feelgood

ok, ok.. for all my bitching the past few days... troy FINALLY went to see a doctor. Turns out he had a severe upper respiratory infection, and was chronically dehydrated. They hooked him up to an IV, and a few bags later, he was doing a lot better.

in all seriousness.. I'm happy he's feeling better. I mean... even past my own sanity, I hate when anyone I love is out for the count like that. But like I said... he's coming back around again.


speaking of coming around... I'm starting to feel the payoffs from the investments I've been doing the past year. I think I've touched on it here, and even if not, most of you know me well enough to know that since Danny's birth, I've been going through a restructure of some sorts.


It's as simple as that, too. When Danny came along, I instantly had a new top priority on my plate, and adding a big ole moose to an already full plate made me realize that some shit had to go.

and it's been that way ever since. I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY re-evaluating my life, my actions, and the whole effort-out-reward-in scale. In particular and most recently, I've been using this Lenten period to understand that you really do reap what you sow. in short... if I want good stuff coming back to me in life, I gotta put good stuff out there.


and maybe it's the onset of spring, or troy's shroud of sickness lifting, or just getting into the groove of Lent...but I'm feeling good about the world of Cze lately. Had a great dinner with some good friends this weekend, I'm hearing about a new crop of babies in the making, I've made a lot of progress in prepping things for the consignment sale... I even have a few good books coming my way that I ordered from online.


cut the dead weight. That's what one of our priests was saying about Lent. it's a time to rid your life of the dead weight that keeps you from being happy. and not happy in a materialistic way.. just HAPPY. content. Blessed. a better you.

and whether that 'dead weight' is bad habits, excessive indulgences, emotional hang-ups or just associating with negative people.. (cause everyone has their own thing that holds them back from being a better someone) well.. I sure as hell know it's not my place to tell anyone else what they need to do, or even if it's something they SHOULD do... but I'm glad for this time of year to work on myself. I mean.. I'm not 'there' yet... and I'd be foolhardy to believe I will ever FULLY be 'there'. but the IDEA of 'being there' ... that happy, balanced mom, wife, friend, daughter, woman Carrie.... well, that's a good goal for me to have.


and I don't think that not eating meat, sweets or alcohol for 40 days will be the magic combination that will make me wake up on Easter and feel like a different Carrie. I WILL say, however, with temptations ALL around me, it IS a daily reminder to me during this process of Lent that no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I have the choice to stay the course or not. simple idea... BIG transference.

in sickness and in health

ok. that was part of our vows, but SERIOUSLY... I think I want an ammendment.


I have said MANY times before how much I love troy, but MAN he's a pain in the ASS when he's sick!!!


so last week, it started with the puking. we assumed it was because of the greasy burgers... but alas, the next day he was feverish and claimed that a truck must have hit him when he wasnt looking. He manned up and went to work, though. (ANYTHING to avoid going to a doctor)


long story short, he came home early from work and I played good ole Flo for him. I kept up the 'poor baby' routine until that evening, and as I was about to go downstairs to sleep on the couch (anythign to avoid MYSELF getting sick) I told him that if he still was sick the next morning he was going to go to a doctor.

he woke up the next day feeling 'better', so he went to work. Not sure how he was at work throughout the following days, but whenever he was home... he was miserable, whiney and did I say miserable?

this behavior escalated to another bed-ridden day for him on Sunday. mind you, the very same day that *I* woke up feeling like a truck hit me, and did I mention that I puked twice sunday morning? but apparently that did not mattter, because according to "doctor Troy", I looked fine to him.


ever have a day when you feel like absolute shit, your children won't leave you alone, and the only POSSIBLE person in a 200 mile radius that could comfort you is too busy trumping your sick ass by being passed out himself and completely useless??? I suppose it could have been worse, but still.

today I feel better. I medicated myself with everything in our cabinet ending with "quil" and was in bed and asleep by 9pm. my body aches have been downgraded to being hit by a bike messenger, no more pukes, no more fever to speak of, and I just have a sore throat and some sinus pressure. not great... but better than yesterday. and Troy is at work, so that's one less child to take care of.


anyways.. enough of my bitching. but I'm serious about the vow ammendment. there is some SERIOUS lack of balance in that section.

Jealous

so yesterday morning, I was taking a shower.

this is my time of day to let the hot water calm and soothe, as well as mentally plan my upcoming day.


for the most part, the kids have been agreeable for me to indulge in this hot-water therapy every day. I mean.. they're still running around like banshees... but they're kind enough not to get hurt and to stay within my proximity during the process.


so that morning... just as I was soaping up and looking at my body.. I caught a flash of a very naked rhena streaking through the bathroom.

sigh.


for once, I did not stress about my child's tendancy to strip her clothes and run 'free' as a regular part of playtime. I actually got a little jealous.


it's not that *I* want to run around with my girly bits exposed... but there was something about rhena's unabashed comfortability that made me wistful. When did I start to hate my body? and more importantly.. how can I keep that from happening to rhena?


I'd LIKE to think we're doing a good job.. cause this child LOVES herself. just ask her, and she'll volunteer how she IS the prettiest dancer and that God made her 'just perfect', and that she's LUCKY to have 'crazy hair' and so on and so on. So it would APPEAR that she has a good body image. So how come I can teach her to be that way, and not take a dose of my own medicine?


I seem to first remember hating myself in high school. It was somewhere in the vicinity of 12th grade. which is odd enough, because ALL through high school it was common knowledge that certain girls had eating disorders and/or took laxatives so they would be thinner. But despite knowing what OTHER girls put themselves through.. I was always fine with myself. I was ME. and I was fine with that.

But just when all was going fine.. settled into senior year, I was class vice president, captain of this and that team... college planned out.... something happened. In true high school fashion ONE girl got a bug up her ass about SOMETHING, and all hell broke loose. I became the target of one girl's hormonal fury, and next thing I knew, my whole world was up-side-down. girls that I had known since GRADE SCHOOL gave me icy stares and muttered "fat" under their breath as I would walk down my row to my seat. one girl, in particular, who was quite homely and had me by at least a good 20 pounds, snarled at me and gave me the treatment. That, I think, was the deepest cut. For all the times I included HER at the risk of being seen as 'uncool'... SHE was turning on me.


needless to say, I shut down. To this day, with the exception of maybe one or two friends... I still harbor an indifference for the people I went to high school with. That period in high school taught me the true value of friendship, and that people in high school were only in my life because of the coincidence of where they lived. By graduation, all the 'surface' appearances and behaviors were made nice and cleaned up. But I left SWMHS a hardened person.


in many ways I suppose it provided me with an invaluable education in life. the next 10-15 years allowed me to socialize, date, and be professional without too many people ever being able to get under my skin. well.. except maybe myself.


since then, I have never really been able to be thrilled with what my body looked like. sure.. I spent a FARE amount of time in college and in seattle dancing on speakers in night clubs, and wore very little clothing in the process. though wearing 'very little clothing' at a club in the 90s seems so PRUDE compared to some of the outfits I see worn on TV these days.


but back to my point. here in stepford and around charlotte, I see MANY women wearing outfits that flaunt and accentuate their bodies. I know of some hens here in the hood that insist on wearing clothes in a tighter size because they can. (not saying that I or anyone else in the free world think they SHOULD... just that they can and do.)

I guess it makes me a little jealous. jealous that they have the confidence or enough self love to not cringe when they look in the mirror. maybe they, too, have a secret self-loathing, but are better at faking it. I personally, am tired of faking it. I just want to feel good in the skin I'm in.

and it's not to say that I don't APPRECIATE the body I have. it successfully conceived and gave birth AND nourished two of my greatest accomplishments. my feet have walked miles for a cause very important to me. my legs have stood against and helped me walk away from ridiculous situations. my hands and arms have touched and held people that this world is truly better off for them being in it. but when I look in the mirror... I don't see that. or at least I FORGET to see that.


I was just reading another blog the other day about surrounding yourself with people who accentuate your life. and that idea is SO applicable in this scenerio, too.


Rhena is happy in her own skin because she is surrounded by people who love every inch of it. I continue to have issues with my outer shell because I choose to associate with people who place high value on external appearances. And have 'friends' who remind me that my arms will always be fat. of course.. I also have friends and family who love every inch of me... but I tend not to hear them as much as I hear the unhealthy 'friends'. I need to stop that. especially before rhena starts to follow suit.


and maybe now, after writing this out, I understand that I'm not jealous of rhena. I'm happy. happy for her, and happy that despite my own image-issues, she remains unscathed and accepts everyone and everything as just right in shape and size.

even me.

Interesting development

so last night was interesting.

Y'all know that we as a family love some food, right??? well.. troy and *I* do, anyway. and moosey, too, I guess. rhena.. well.. she's an odd one.

BUT ANYWAY



Last night.. troy stopped off at a burger joint on his way home from job 1. Being that I'm on the no-meat thing for lent, I asked him to bring me home some french fries. (DUDE... I may have given up meat, sweets, and alcohol... but I'm NOT suicidal... I need some things to eat, and by golly; french fries and cheetos are on my safe list!)


anyways.. Troy knocked back the burger and I assisted with the fries. the whole house then proceeded to smell like a deep fryer, but whatever. smelling the lingering aroma of fried fatness help curb my cravings to snack during american idol later.

(which.. btw... who the hell ARE those guys??? it seems like half are look-alikes to someone else, and the others are so forgettable, and holy SHIT Paula is BEYONNNND annoying this year! but in true love-to-hate style.. I'll do a different post just for idol.)


so back to fat. I'm feeling kinda oogey from the fries... but I power through. so troy finishes up the code drop he was workign on, and we settle into some Idol. troy suddenly gets up and starts pacing. then sweating. oops! then POWER-HURLING in the bathroom.

I shit you not... that man has some SERIOUS stomach capacity!!! I have never EVER seen/heard MORE vomit come out of one body.. and this includes ALL of my pregnant pukes, Denita in the famous "huh-huh-SPLOOSH" incident.. OR the vomitorium experience down my hallway that fateful bunco night.

(mmm.. tasty... just right for breakfast, huh, M?)


anyways... we have decided that it's official, and troy is no longer allowed to eat burgers from fast food joints. This is about the 5th time in recent history that he has eaten a burger from a fast food place, and gotten seriously ill. This makes a man like troy very VERY sad. and confused.

and I can't blame him. I mean.. what makes a body go from a lifetime of enjoying a certain food to suddenly rejecting it? I have that issue with all things seafood... though I'm going to test to see if the OPPOSITE can happen.. and go from a body REJECTING something for a long period to gradual acceptance. but that's probably ANOTHER post. I should rename this blog "tangent alley".


anyways.. troy is sad and miserable. mourning the loss of burgers, I guess. I was happy to have a FABULOUS chance to tell him that his puking was annoying to me. HAH!!! (throw-back revenge to preggo days)


I think NEXT time he pukes I'll ask for a massage cause 'my back really hurts'. HAAAAAAA. again... preggo throw-back. he'll NEVER live those down.


His stomach's rejecting of fast food burgers does NOT change my plan to serve burgers on Easter morning, though. he's either gonna have to fend for himself or just man up and pop some zofran like the rest of us.


off to run some errands and playgroup today. speaking of zofran.... consignment sale is looming over my head... I really need to knuckle down and start prepping things. yes.. the guest bedroom looks like a war zone again. sigh. oh.. and final deck estimate should be in by friday. the second one we got was CONSIDERABLY cheaper than the first.. so hoping three's the charm.

Freedom!

so.. tonight is a bunco night. I am happy to announce that today was the first time in a long long time that I woke up on a bunco day without angst or stress.


I don't have to talk myself into wanting to go... I don't have to talk troy into coming home so I CAN go. it's like this WEIGHT has been lifted. it's very freeing.


I WILL admit that I was a little twitterpated last week about how I would be today. do I make troy go to work so it would appear I couldn't have gone ANYWAY? Do I make plans with one of my girlfriends so I'm out of the house and appear 'busy'?


One of my dear friends called me out on it, though. she said something along the lines of "...or you could just not do ANYTHING and know you quit because you didn't want to go anymore?" again. something like that. (ok, maybe it was more something like "fuck them!"... but I knew what she meant. like I said.... something along those lines)

she's totally right. and I took what she said to heart, and today... I woke up feeling GOOD. FREE, in a way.. like I said. SO FREE, in fact, that I can blog about it, despite knowing the hens of stepford have been reading my blog. I mean LURKING. cause despite all the IP addresses I have as proof, no one has stepped up to admit that they've been checking up on me. (What can I say.. troy's a computer geek... that shit is BOUND to rub off, ya know?)


but that's fine. I take it as a form of flattery. apparently I'm more interesting online than in person. (that was for you, susie! HAH) but anyways... it's not like I would share something on here that I don't want to be public knowledge. so lurkers.. keep on lurkin'. nothing's gonna change in these parts.

moving on. Danny had a playdate this morning while rhena was at school. that was fun. need to start doing that more so the boy can hang out with kids his own age. wore his ass out, though.. he was passing out on the way home from getting rhena. he even skipped lunch, which is uncalled for with the moose.


aaah... and I must have spoken too soon. or he smelled the pierogies I heated up for rhena. I hear him calling now, so it's go time for me.

so peace out, happy tuesday.. and may you each feel some freedom today!

sigh

so I just threw a load of laundry in.


yeah. I figured it's only fair that I finish up all of last week's clothes so Troy is really only stuck washing THIS week's.


WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!



I broke the cycle!!! wait for it... I lost 2.2 pounds this past week!!!! even if I lHAD ost the weekly competition, I am SO PLEASED that I finally got a noteworthy loss that I wouldn't care about the laundry. Troy lost 2.8 pounds.. which is awesome, too... he's actually at his lowest weight since moving to North Carolina. I'm very happy for him.


of course, I'm MORE happy for me with no laundry duty this week. cause I'm the WINNER!!!



Weight watchers website continues to UNinspire me. this morning, I recorded my weight like I do every monday... and they had the nerve to tell me that my rate of loss was unhealthy. in the 7 weeks I've been on, I've lost a little over 12 pounds. DUDE. that's LESS than 2 pounds a week average. TOTALLY within healthy parameters. and HOW many weeks in a row of point 6 did I have?


silly, me getting angry at a computer screen. *I'm* happy... and I guess that's all that matters. and I'm still like a pound and a half from my 10% goal weight. Trying to figure out where my REAL goal should be, though. honestly... my REAL goal is to put on a bathing suit without inducing vomit. is there a magic non-vomit number out there?

oh well.. we'll see where I end up. I know one thing for sure.. I'm going to have a cheeseburger on Easter. Troy and I were watching some show on food network, and they featured some dive called The Nook, and they had the MOST GORGEOUSLY GREASY BURGERS (stuffed with CHEESE!! glorious CHEESE!) I may have ever seen.

and while I'll be a dried up shit on a baby's ass if you ever catch me in minnesota... (no offense to you middle-of-the-country-folks) I NEED one of those burgers. so yeah.. for Easter, when Lent is over... we're gonna forego the traditional ham and have stuffed cheeseburgers. well, OUR version of them, anyway. with pierogies. ahh yes.. toilets be warned!!!


alrighty.. speaking of toilets.. gotta make sure rhena didn't fall in ours. or is clogging it with toilet paper.

happy monday, gang!!

Playing Games

ok. if I HAVEN'T said it already, or if you are slow to the chase and haven't figured it out... I have issues.


this whole weight-loss competition I have going with Troy is a BITCH.


I say this because Troy disappears at will to spend time at the gym sweating away whatever evils he might have consumed during the past week.


me on the other hand.... well... if I want to lose weight, I cry. (water weight, right?) or drink lots of coffee so I can shit like a man... which usually ends up with me just crying FASTER... due to the caffiene.


I say most of this in jest. I'm actually getting back into the WW zone. I've come to accept my fate of smaller portions being the healthier option for a person my age and size. or rather, what my size SHOULD be. bleh. to be a few inches taller and 10 years younger!!!


anyways.. I lost last week. the weekly challenge that is. I mean, yes, I lost my standard point-six pounds... but troy definitely lost more weight... so I got bathroom duty. I'm not even going to talk about how I got bleach on new pants while cleaning the bathrooms yesterday.. cause any PRACTICAL person would NOT wear new pants while scrubbing toilets... so yeah. not going there.


I'm ALMOST feeling good about tomorrow's weigh-in, though. knowing troy, he'll bust out with like a 3 pound loss, but as of right now, I think I might break my point-six cycle. after eating breakfast (quiche and coffee), and weighing myself fully dressed (with a sweater, jeans and SHOES on) I am only up point-four pounds from last week's weigh-in. SURELY tomorrow when I wake up, empty the bladder and wear my lightest-fabric pjs... I will be lighter on the scale.


of course... I also plan to add extra cheese to the burrito I'll make for troy when he gets home from the gym. cause you know... every little bit helps. :)

oh, and did I say that this week's loser has to do ALL of the laundry for one week? washed, folded, AND put away? I know this is something I usually do anyway.. but the idea of troy having to do it... and I mean a good solid week's worth.. not just the one or two loads a month he does... well... call me evil.. but that just sounds delicious.


I thought about if I won that I would leave all my laundry scattered around the bedroom and closet and bathroom like he does, and make him go on a daily scouting mission so our son does not start chewing on dirty undergarments (GAG!)... but I will be a good winner (if I win). I WILL put all my clothes in the hamper where they belong.

and if I lose... well... balls to that. I really am hoping to win this week. maybe I'll use the full-fat sour cream in his lunch, too. no. extra cheese. definitely extra cheese. between the fat, calories, and the possible bonus of constipation... I really stand the chance to win this week.


stay tuned for tomorrow's results!

Ain't that sweet

Just realized that this will be my 500th post.


instead of the normal bitching and moaning, I'll just simply say thank you to all of you who have read, still read, and (dare I say) will continue to read my rants here in my lil corner of the web.


Happy Valentine's Day.

much love to all of you... even those of you who don't think that I know you're reading. Yes.. I even send YOU my love.

I say whore, you say BAGGER

TELL me how pleased I am that I just spent the kids' ENTIRE naptime looking for my merigue powder.


OF COURSE it was hidden among the soup cans.


cause you know.. soup.. baking cookies. yeah.


looks like my next 'project' will be to clean/organize the pantry. because the thing I really love to do most (aside from making cookies that I can not eat) is seeing all the food in the pantry that I can not eat.


ok.. before I waste the last remaining 5 minutes of nap time complaining about how I only have 20 points a day for weight watchers and I'm CONSTANTLY HUNGRY and STILL only lost point six pounds and at that rate it's going to be another 6 weeks of eating birdseed if I want to hit my 10% goal... yes.. before I do that... I should go decorate those damn cookies.


by the soup cans. damnit!!!!

Loving Love

yeah, boyeeeeee!!!


ok... do I really need to say more???


I know.. SUCH a train wreck, but man, I DO love this show.

blergh

feeling just a TEEENY bit ill right now. one.. lack of coffee. didn't have any this morning cause we ran out, and the chai tea is NOT giving me enough oomph.


two... trail mix. wtf, Emerald people are the devil.. they make shit SO GOOD (or at least to me when i first taste one of the products I'm all.. OH! that's SO GOOD) then I eat the whole bag. blergh. Just polished off pretty much a whole bag of this stuff. tasty.. but uggg. I should NOT have done that.


went out on a date with troy the other night. so nice! so fun!! almost romantic even!


so I wore the dress I wore on the night we got engaged. I thought I looked kinda cute. at the very least I know i'm about 10 pounds lighter than the first time I wore it... so I was kinda feeling good.

uh... until I looked at the pictures I insisted that troy take. oh well. something about how the camera catches every lump, bump, curve and crevice that make me want to not ever been seen in public again.. much less in that dress again. at least without photoshop built in to everyone's eyeballs.


I think the problem is my pose. I USED to have the lock-down on posing. even in my drunkest stupors I could manage a semi-decent pose. (yes, I KNOW this is because I used to practice posing at all hours of the day so in the event of drunken stupors, my 'pose' would come 'natural'.)

anyways.. that was when .. like 100 years ago? like before kids? I need to find my post-child pose. cause what I have been doing with my arms is working for my right arm, but holy crappernuts, fatman... I had sprouted an ass cheek near my left armpit in the last picture taken. NOT GOOD. momma don't want no extra ass cheek.

I'd share the picture, but there's only SO MUCH public scrutiny I can handle. maybe in another 5 pounds I'll share... but I doubt it. although.. if you take me out to dinner I'll show you however many one-armed ass cheeks you want. Lord knows I love me some free dinners.


speaking of the Lord... we're doing the Lent thing. I don't feel like talking/writing about it now, though. it's Lent, and I'm halfway through day 2. 38 more to go.


alrighty. folks are here, and visiting is going well. mom is coming to rhena's dance class tonight. I think she'll get a kick out of it. I know I do.. and she's a gramma. grammas get into that kind of shit.

speaking of. gotta wake the boogie and get ready to roll.

happy thursday, gang.

here come the troops!

ok.. so I kinda had a teeeeny bit of a breakdown last week.

I allowed myself a good cry or two on Friday (ok, it was more like 3 or 4) but still... who's counting.

the sheer act of crying and allowing a little pity party for myself was energizing and therapuetic. and then life was good again.


ok.. so maybe life got good again, because I actually got to see Troy and have a conversation with him. I have been BLESSED with good friends and a supportive family, and I really can't illuminate just how critical all of them are to my mental well-being in so many ways... but the biggest and most important outside influence on me is without a doubt Troy. When he and I are running seperate shifts or are away from each other for too long... I slowly start falling apart. Hard to admit that, being that I pride myself on how independant I am... but that man is so engrained in my mental and emotional infrastructure... I'd be a lying fool to ever say that I don't need him in my life.

so yeah. he came home on friday evening. before the kids' bedtimes. I finally exhaled.


then.. before I knew it.. things were good again. talked to my mom on saturday, and she said they decided they were going to come down for a visit. I KNOW my distressed state is what prompted the visit, and I tried to assure them that all was fine. but hey... where do you think I get my stubborness from? so they'll be here on wednesday. we're all pretty excited.


Sunday was the stuperbowl.. and we went to our neighbors' house. Chili was had, and it was so good. I gotta tell you.. those two have the LOCK DOWN on chili and cornbread. It was a very nice visit. rhena was beside herself to be at their house playing... *I* was beside myself to be out of the house and to be around other adults.. and even though danny did frizzle out about an hour into the game and we had to leave before halftime... it was very nice of them to have us over. again. good times.


tonight is CCD... and troy's planning on coming home to watch the kids. !!! I still know not to hold my breath until he actually calls and says he's on his way.. but I know that he'll try to make it happen.


and tomorrow!!! DATE NIGHT!!! My girlfriend is going to babysit for us, and Troy and I are going to start on our new year's resolution of hitting at least 6 of charlotte's top restaurants this year. A new place opened up here in town, and since wednesday starts lent, I'm gonna have my own personal Fat Tuesday.


ooh.. speaking of FAT... weighed in this morning. AGAIN only point-six pounds down. I totally know that I should have been down more, but in addition to the chili and cornbread and potato chips... I also had some espresso brownies and oreo cheesecake yesterday. and AGAIN I'm constipated.


I'm convinced it's my shitty binge-eating that wrecks my digestive tract on the weekends, and stops my ass up. I should switch my weigh-in day to like wednesday. I'm usually my lowest weight on wednesdays and thursdays. oh well. I still lost this week. annnnd... snicker snicker.. troy GAINED weight!!! so I win DOUBLE this week.

I couldn't think of anything creative as a prize this week, so stuck with the massage theme. BUT.... because I lost and troy gained.. he owes double. so now I get TWO half-hour massages. sweet.

so there you have it.

hope everyone had a good weekend.

the home stretch?

ok. I'm HOPING that troy will come home at some point today before midnight.

I remember seeing him on monday... he actually came home in time to watch the kids so I didn't have to bring them with me to CCD.


the rest of the week is a blur, though. I have been on double-duty bed routine since tuesday, and I'm a little worn out. it's not so much for lack of sleep... I'v e been getting about 6 hours a night.. so I'm doing well in that department.


just... the kids. well.. they're kinda driving me nuts. Danny's daytime sleep habits are unpredictable and at times not happening. this does NOT make for a happy boy during the high-stress times of the day like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and snack times.


and is it me, or do ALL three year olds secretly take speed? maybe it's just rhena. but when you combine her INCESSANT energy with her "follow-the-imaginary-script-inside-my-head-or-we're-gonna-take-it-from-the-top" role-playing she does... well.. frankly, by friday, I really think Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat can just fucking STAY in the cage.

and let's not forget that when I actually DO see troy again.. *I* get to give him a massage cause I didn't lose enough weight this week.


sigh.


I CAN do this.


anyways.. in other news... the church bake sale is this weekend, so I'll be making up stuff for that. that'll be a good 'busy' activity for rhena since it's puring out, and I am not gonna drag the kids out today.

Stuperbowl is this sunday.... We're supposed to be going to our neighbor's house. I'm on the fence about that one. I'm excited about getting out of the house... but given the fact that the game probably starts like a minute before bedtime for the moose, and I probably won't see troy until FIFTEEN minutes before we go... bleh. on the UP side.. I think of the chili and cornbread and know that once I'm eating (strike that.. SHOVELING IT IN MY MOUTH) well.. I'm sure I can rally.

that is, if I don't fall apart before then.